So, This is a Cooking Blog Now?

Apparently so.

Hey, there, my babycrows, I made some nettle flapjacks with blueberries tonight, and decided to take “y’all” along for the ride.

First thing you do, is you take some blueberries out of the freezer, pour them on a plate, and leave them to thaw for a couple of hours.

Blueberries are great, you can read from a previous blog entry of mine about how eating enough of these bad boys can help make going to the toilet feel like a gig at the Batcave.



Next, put on a pair of thick gloves, drag your ass outside and pick yourself a big bunch of nettle leaves. The bigger the better.



Bonus points if you pick them at midnight. Double that bonus at summer solstice.

Boil about 34 ounces (1 liter) of water and then chuck all your nettle in the kettle.
Boil them for a couple minutes, like, five or whatever. I boiled them for about five while continuously stirring them. Every lazy bum don’t need to do that, but I like it, because I’m stir-crazy and it makes me feel suitably witchy.

Then pour the water through a sieve into another kettle, or other suitable container, and immediately put it in the fridge.

Now the nettles have lost their sting, and you can gather them from the sieve with your bare hand.
Then make a fist. Mush the nettles into a ball and squeeze out all the leftover water.
Then put the mushy ball on a plate and cut it to little slices with a knife.
Then mush them back into a ball again and slice them the other way around. Repeat this several times and you should have shredded them tiny.

I would have taken pictures of this process for you, but I didn’t know yet at the time that I would be blogging about it so you’ll have to imagine it.


Now you pour about 17 ounces (5 deciliters) of milk into a container, throw in two chicken eggs and whisk them together. Then add 11 ounces (3 deciliters) of some flour.
Whatever. I used some flour mix which had buckwheat in it, so my flapjacks came out tasting a bit dour for that. I’m not a fan of buckwheat.
But who cares. Any flour will do. Unless it’s some suck flour that maybe wont work, so, don’t use suck flour, use anything else.
Even buckwheat jacks will taste great with dem goth berries anyway.

Anyway, yeah, add that flour, all your shredded nettles and a pinch of salt, and whisk away to get everything to come together in a smooth, green spotted liquid.



Now you toss a huge-ass chunk of butter on a hot frying pan, and start flipping flappies.



After some frying, you should have everything. The blueberries should still be freezing cold at this point, but they are no longer frozen over. So toss them wantonly on the jacks, and then ram the whole ding-dong down your face.



…and now you are thirsty. And probably really scared because you are thirsty, but don’t worry, I’ve got you.

Now because you put the water from the boiled nettles in the fridge, you have some nice cold nettle juice to wash your jacks down with.
The juice actually gives you the most of the taste of the nettle, and it’s a pretty damn fine taste, or at least I’m partial to it. It may come with a bit of a sting, but I bet you’ve had worse.



Both nettles and blueberries are supposedly super “healthy”, so it’s, like, a good idea to eat these before contracting the plague.

So, just, yeah… Woo…