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Versus 03-16-2011 09:21 PM

The Delegation of Dudes
 
1. Seriously, Versus?

Seriously. The Manliest Man thread is fucking dead, and I don't feel like updating the parody right now... but this shit is important.

2. Why?

My intent is to form a G.net tree house to discuss different aspects of maninity such as whiskey, beef jerky, and porn, as well as democratically decide a new man-law mandate specific to the men of G.net as sort of a primer to those uninitiated among us.

3. Dude, there is a social group link at the bottom of the page. Stop trolling.

No.

4. But Versus, I'm not a man!

That's completely fine. I think it's readily apparent that this thread is nothing but a farce crafted to perpetuate my awesome.

5. Awesome!

Mantastic.

Versus 03-16-2011 09:22 PM

The first order of business is something that, sadly, seems to be lost to a great deal of guys. I speak, of course, about...

Urinal Etiquette

It always amazes me how often I notice, whether from ignorance or apathy, the astounding number of men that violate some of the most basic bathroom codes of conduct. Take heed: these hallowed commandments have been passed down for generations for good reasons, gentlemen.

Thou shall not make eye contact,

Thou shall not speak to thy neighbor,

Thou shall not peek,

Thou shall not accompany thy bro without need of relief,

Thou shall adhere to the urinal sequence, (See fig. A)

Thou shall not waste time at the sink and mirror,

Thou shall not beat meat in a contested seat

Fig. A

A{ <-3
B{ <-2
C{ <-4
D{ <-1
-----------
As shown in the standard quad manfiguration, prospective pissers should first utilize A, the far urinal closest to the wall so as to keep ample distance for their fellow man. If one should come upon a urinal stack that has a single occupant, stall B is next in priority in order to divide the ego/dick ratio evenly. If you are the third to enter, your next choice should be 3 so that you can minimize the concentration of dick as well as break the otherwise unavoidable continuous line of dicks. It is not a sin to occupy the last stall, but it is counter-productive to those devout among us who should strive broaden the cock/pussy per square feet ratio.

Discuss.

Saya 03-16-2011 09:34 PM

I'm glad I don't have a dick, I can't pee if there's anyone around who can hear me, the thought of peeing in front of people without much privacy gives me cold shivers.

ape descendant 03-16-2011 09:39 PM

I would like, at this moment, to declare my undying love of beef jerky. Especially peppered and teriyaki... mmm beef.

Versus 03-16-2011 09:43 PM

Really? If someone can hear you? So you need the entire room to yourself? That sounds kind of debilitating in public.

I never had issues with that, but I used to be uncomfortable changing or taking a shower in a locker room. I used to go into one of the stalls and change there. XD Now I don't really care. I like to be obnoxious and pull my pants and underwear to my ankles to troll the guy who has to watch my piss during a urinalysis.

And I just realized I have a lot of stories that probably only I find funny. Never mind. :x

Versus 03-16-2011 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ape descendant (Post 659251)
I would like, at this moment, to declare my undying love of beef jerky. Especially peppered and teriyaki... mmm beef.

I like this one kind they sell in Colorado. It's like 15 dollars for pound of it, but it's totally worth it. It's really sweet.

Sir Canvas Corpsey 03-16-2011 09:50 PM

I don't use urinals, I either use or stall or hold it in. I'm scared that I'll find I have a small penis compared to Average Joe despite all the affirmations from 'friends' that I don't :x

Anyway, let's face it, there's always someone peeking at the urinals for various reasons, I'm just surprised it's never been me.

Saya 03-16-2011 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Versus (Post 659252)
Really? If someone can hear you? So you need the entire room to yourself? That sounds kind of debilitating in public.

I never had issues with that, but I used to be uncomfortable changing or taking a shower in a locker room. I used to go into one of the stalls and change there. XD Now I don't really care. I like to be obnoxious and pull my pants and underwear to my ankles to troll the guy who has to watch my piss during a urinalysis.

And I just realized I have a lot of stories that probably only I find funny. Never mind. :x

I'm really good at knowing where the unpopular bathrooms are. I have yet to have a problem at my school XD when I worked at Sears it was horrible, I had to wait for the other people to leave before I could pee. The worst thing in the world is when people talk to you while you're in there.

I find lots of things funny!

ape descendant 03-16-2011 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Versus (Post 659253)
I like this one kind they sell in Colorado. It's like 15 dollars for pound of it, but it's totally worth it. It's really sweet.

There is a place up the street that sells these big, flat sheets of yummy beefy goodness with teriyaki..; oh I'm drooling.. brb must wipe this off my chin.

Versus 03-16-2011 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir Canvas Corpsey (Post 659258)
Anyway, let's face it, there's always someone peeking at the urinals for various reasons, I'm just surprised it's never been me.

I think about it this way: Light particles bounce off another guys dick, and then enter the receptors of my eyes. It's like taking eye drops that have soaked in another man's junk. That's practically the same as having sex with him.

As a rule of thumb, I do not peek. If someone wants to see it, however, they can get in line.

Versus 03-16-2011 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saya (Post 659262)
I'm really good at knowing where the unpopular bathrooms are. I have yet to have a problem at my school XD when I worked at Sears it was horrible, I had to wait for the other people to leave before I could pee. The worst thing in the world is when people talk to you while you're in there.

I find lots of things funny!

I do that when I look for a place to masturbate. I try to find the most secluded port-a-john because I can't stand the smell of it. Usually, the further they are, the less people use them.

I kind of stopped caring about privacy after a while, though. When we were at this little outpost in Iraq, we just left the door open because it was so hot inside.

And the urinal sequence applies to stalls, as well. I can't tell you how much it pisses me off when I'm alone at 3 in the morning and some jackass decides to take a dump in the stall next to mine, as opposed to the twenty others he could have chosen. It's like "FUCK! You KNOW I'm jerking off! Why don't you be a little more considerate?!"

Versus 03-16-2011 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ape descendant (Post 659263)
There is a place up the street that sells these big, flat sheets of yummy beefy goodness with teriyaki..; oh I'm drooling.. brb must wipe this off my chin.

How big are we talking?

Sir Canvas Corpsey 03-16-2011 10:22 PM

/gets in line

Saya 03-16-2011 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir Canvas Corpsey (Post 659272)
/gets in line

No cutting in!

Sir Canvas Corpsey 03-16-2011 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saya (Post 659273)
No cutting in!

:(
messagetooshort

ape descendant 03-16-2011 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Versus (Post 659269)
How big are we talking?

Damn near paper thin 9 inches by 3 1/2 inches... oh yeah..... jerky heaven.

Versus 03-16-2011 10:31 PM

Fuck. I hope I don't get banned for this.

Saya 03-16-2011 10:31 PM

Oh you fucking cock tease.

Versus 03-16-2011 10:38 PM

You can kind of see it if you strain your eyes.

Sir Canvas Corpsey 03-16-2011 10:38 PM

You slut!

black as black tits

Versus 03-16-2011 10:40 PM

Anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ape descendant (Post 659276)
Damn near paper thin 9 inches by 3 1/2 inches... oh yeah..... jerky heaven.

I must have.

Saya 03-16-2011 10:42 PM

I'm deducting masculinity points for the pants.

Versus 03-16-2011 10:44 PM

That's fine. Pajamas are never maninin.

Sir Canvas Corpsey 03-16-2011 10:46 PM

/makes grabby hands.


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