Help me help them help you help me help you.
 

Any questions you ask in this thread, any question at all, about life, the universe, anything, will be answered. When I get home from festivities tomorrow night, I will answer all burning questions with deep and profound answers. I can only offer this service for one day!

Note: If answers appear to be cat-like typing, or give you the impression that I am half passed out drunk in a vomit encrusted Starfleet uniform, wondering where I went wrong, let me assure you now that sometimes, my wisdom is so profound, so zen, its hard for ordinary people to understand. Its not me, its you.

Will humans ever be able to bake muffins off flames from the Sun?

How do I tell my cat that she's adopted?

What would happen if I made this post, then went back in time and broke my computer so that I couldn't make this post?

I was thinking about going into the middle of the woods by myself in the dead of night and imbibing large quantities of psilocybin. Is this a good idea?

To do this we need ships able to withstand the heat of the sun, and muffins that wouldn't vaporize at that heat. However, Mercury is the galaxy's easy bake oven, conveniently reaching temperatures of over four hundred degrees at certain times and places, so travelling to the sun would just be stupid.

She's contemplating how to tell you the same thing. I advised her to do this:

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/your_...d_cake_cat.jpg

So I would advise you to dream bigger, before she gets her chance. Perhaps have it written in the sky?

A paradox would be created, as if the post wasn't made you wouldn't in the future again go back in time, so the post would have been made after all, and quite possibly you would have ruined the time-space continuum. If you were to go back in time and break the computer, you must, for the safety of the universe, tell your past self to go back in time and break it again. If not, either the universe would split in two, one where the post was made and another where it was not, or it would collapse upon itself.

Time travel responsibly, folks.

Since reincarnation is true, if you die you'll just come back again. So what have you got to lose?

If reincarnation is false, however, you only live once.

So yes, do it.

I think when I sober up I'm going to be really disappointed on how coherent I was. Seriously, I'm pissed loaded drunk, and I'm not even making typos, let alone feel tempted to post pictures of my tits.

Or maybe I only think I'm coherent I'm actually typing awegahdasdhPENISadefharhe.

Fuzzy Wazzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wazzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wazzy wasn't very fuzzy was he?

There now, that's a real question.

He was called that because he is in fact, a fuzzy wuzzy lover.

Contrary to popular belief, Google and Wikipedia do not have all the answers. Realizing this, I offer my query to you:

What is the most profound way to tell someone "Fuck you" without actually say it?

Why, by fucking them, of course.

Ah, now I see my drunken mistake. I should have referred to Mercury as the solar system's easy bake oven, as I'm sure there's other planets in the galaxy that have the perfect temperature on its surface.

Alrighty, the rest of you had your chance, I'm off to bed.

I love the way you think. :D

I think you should send me pics of your tits regardless of your state of mind. Do it for posterity.

Why haven't we seen any good titties on the titties thread? In fact whatever happened to it?

I'm really upset about this.

http://img.chan4chan.com/img/2010-05...2752201230.jpg

There. These are surely nicer than any tits that G.net can muster.

Sorry ladies. Tit envy is a real thing. Deal with it.

Are they yours?

No tit envy here.

No one cares about the tits of fugly people, Fruitbat.

Little kitty shows his stripes.

*yawn*

You can do better than this.

Kontan, I have a sneaking suspicion that those tits are fake. Regardless, I'm still quite fond of mine.
Those of you who have me added on facebook can still see that picture I posted forever ago for Duck. :p

I totally forgot about the titty thread. Ducky was practically begging me to send him picks HAH!

Vindicated. PM me. You are one of the more physically attractive people on here. We can work something out I think.

Ditto kid.

Check your personal messages.

Dude, I am so THERE! Except I'll use shrooms. Meet you at midnight.
And don't let the sound of me stepping on snail shells to hear their tiny little homes crack freak you out. I'm really not a bad guy. Ignore the maniacal laughter. And don't think the crying sobs are a precursor to suicide. In fact just say the word "suicide" and I will start laughing again. Seriously.
My dresser drawers are belly dancing with the curtains...

So now that I'm sober and fully dressed this is the party thread? Fuck you guys.