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-   -   Eternal life. (https://www.gothic.net/boards/showthread.php?t=25788)

pothead 12-07-2011 02:11 AM

Eternal life.
 
I am writing to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ the son of God. So will you accept the sacrifice Jesus made by giving up his life to save yours, so that if you believe that he died on the cross, and if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that he was rose from the dead on the third day by God the father, you will be saved. He did it all to offer you eternal life, and forgiveness of your sins, to pay off your sin debt. The debt that you owed God because of your sin that separates you from God that debt you could never pay off, that Jesus paid it in full having nailed it to the cross.

So will you receive the free gift of pardon from your sins, and accept the free gift of eternal life? Will you accept the free gifts by praying the sinners prayer ?
Now please if you want to go to heaven, and receive the free gifts please pray with me by using your mouth and speaking pray this with me. Please Pray ( dear Jesus I believe that you died on the Cross for my sins, I acknowledge that I am a sinner, and I know I can't save myself. I ask you to come into my heart, and save me, and forgive me of my sins. I confess that Jesus Christ is the Lord, I repent of my sin. I accept you as my Lord, and savior I call upon your name Lord Jesus amen) Remember Jesus loves you so much he died for you!!

Now if you prayed this prayer, said it out aloud, and believed in Jesus. you are saved, which means you are now a christian, and is going to heaven. Also remember you can't ever go to heaven by being a good person for the bible says there is none good, but one, and that is God. So will you pray the sinners prayer, and accept Jesus as your Lord, and Savior?????????????

Timeless Rebellion 12-07-2011 03:03 AM

I am writing to proclaim the gospel of the flying spaghetti monster.
So will you accept the sacrifice the flying spaghetti made by giving up his brothers to fuel Italian restaurants, so that if you believe that they died on the plate, and if you confess with your mouth that you ate them and believe in your heart that they were tasty, even on the third day after cooking, you will be saved. He did it all to offer you eternal pasta and tastiness of food and to pay off your fat debt. The debt that you owed your body because of your fasting that separates you from the flying spaghetty monster that debt you could never pay off. The spaghetti monster paid it in full having put his brothers on the plate.

Grausamkeit 12-07-2011 07:07 AM

Yes, I believe! Pastafarian ALL THE WAY!

Beowulf 12-07-2011 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grausamkeit (Post 686849)
Yes, I believe! Pastafarian ALL THE WAY!


The Tagliatelle loves you !!!. :P

Morpheus13 12-07-2011 11:55 AM

Spaghetti is a cause that I can definitely consum... er, get behind. Sign me up for salvation!

I accept the sacrifice the flying spaghetti made!
I believe that they died on the plate!
And I confess I ate them and believe in my heart that they were tasty!
Especially on the third day after cooking!
I feel the eternal pasta and tastiness of food!
All hail the flying spaghetti monster!

This is the danger of being on gnet right before lunch.

Kasdeja 12-07-2011 12:35 PM

Ahh... the beer volcano and stripper factory await us.

honeythorn 12-07-2011 01:11 PM

How many times infidel!???? I have already explained that I am the king of Israel, and I killed Jesus by smothering him in home made raspberry jam and clapped a slice of Warburtons on top. I MADE A JESUS SAMMICH.

As I am king of Israel my Judgement is absolute. Now fetch me tea in my giant Betta print mug *clapclap*

pothead 12-07-2011 04:25 PM

I'm not talking about the king of Israel here

Morpheus13 12-07-2011 07:14 PM

Honestly Honeythorn. This is not the thread that you rule. I am the lord and master of this thread and they will do as I ask or they will face my squirrely wrath. My servants will gladly fulfill your request for tea. *clapclap*
And while they are at it they had better get me some as well. I think the garden will do nicely as its a clear night where I am.

pothead 12-08-2011 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morpheus13 (Post 686892)
Honestly Honeythorn. This is not the thread that you rule. I am the lord and master of this thread and they will do as I ask or they will face my squirrely wrath. My servants will gladly fulfill your request for tea. *clapclap*
And while they are at it they had better get me some as well. I think the garden will do nicely as its a clear night where I am.

the only Lord, and master of this thread is Jesus, are you Jesus?

burningplain 12-08-2011 03:31 AM

@Pothead; actually I think you'll find the lord and master of this thread will be the forum moderator(s).

Kasdeja 12-08-2011 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by burningplain (Post 686935)
@Pothead; actually I think you'll find the lord and master of this thread will be the forum moderator(s).

Heh.... yeah, when they DO show up.

CptSternn 12-08-2011 05:42 AM

Matthew 6:1-10

Grausamkeit 12-08-2011 05:49 AM

For Wolfie so loved the forum that she pissed on pothead with her penis that even his god fears.

pothead 12-08-2011 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CptSternn (Post 686939)
Matthew 6:1-10

wow you know something about the bible, well i'm not asking ppl to pray the sinners prayer in public, but in the privacy of there own homes .. anything wrong with that?

Morpheus13 12-08-2011 10:08 AM

Is it really so shocking that someone besides you knows something about the bible?

CuckooTuli 12-08-2011 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morpheus13 (Post 686964)
Is it really so shocking that someone besides you knows something about the bible?

I wouldn' bother trying to reason - dude's been trolling the board for the best part of a year. It's gotten to the point where I can't believe people are still falling for it, though most now confine their responses to Jesus Sammich-type reappropriation.

Morpheus13 12-08-2011 10:35 AM

I really know that. I just enjoy- for some strange, twisted reason or other- these posts by pothead more for their responses by non-pothead entities than for their evangelical properties.

Grausamkeit 12-08-2011 06:30 PM

This is why we do it. not to interact with him, but to make our fellow members laugh. Because we're Goth and Goths are always moping...

pothead 12-08-2011 08:20 PM

whats more gothic than Jesus and a cross huh? I'm gothic too

HumanePain 12-08-2011 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pothead (Post 687013)
whats more gothic than Jesus and a cross huh? I'm gothic too

Iron and wood
with flesh in between.

Blood dripping down
What does it mean?

-HP

Timeless Rebellion 12-09-2011 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morpheus13 (Post 686892)
Honestly Honeythorn. This is not the thread that you rule. I am the lord and master of this thread and they will do as I ask or they will face my squirrely wrath. My servants will gladly fulfill your request for tea. *clapclap*
And while they are at it they had better get me some as well. I think the garden will do nicely as its a clear night where I am.

Infidel!! The ruler of this thread is the flying spaghetti monster!!

MissCheyenne 12-09-2011 05:52 AM

^ The shuffling lasagna wants a word.

Grausamkeit 12-09-2011 08:27 AM

What about the Miraculous Manicotti?

Morpheus13 12-09-2011 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timeless Rebellion (Post 687026)
Infidel!! The ruler of this thread is the flying spaghetti monster!!

I am no infidel. The flying spaghetti monster has spoken to me and given me a message to pass on to the world. I am here to tell you that the consumption of all pasta but spaghetti is an abomination before the sight of the FSM. Repent! For the days of Tomato Sauce Famine are close upon us!

Murder.Of.Crows 12-09-2011 10:36 AM

I am at a loss of words. All I can say is, WHAT THE BOILING POT ARE YOU ALL THINKING!? Tomato famine?! We must praise the FSM you fools!!!!

Grausamkeit 12-09-2011 11:03 AM

But we'll still have alfredo.

pothead 12-09-2011 07:18 PM

why praise fsm for????????

Grausamkeit 12-09-2011 08:25 PM

For His noodles are tender and warm and drenched with tomato love.

Dip your garlic bread soul into his tomatoey goodness!

ape descendant 12-10-2011 07:15 AM

Pasta be with you, Ramen.

HumanePain 12-10-2011 09:39 AM

6.66 is the sign of the AntiPasto! Plus tax.

Murder.Of.Crows 12-10-2011 11:49 AM

For those who refuse the FSM will spend an eternity in the grinding disposal mechanisms of Sink. Oh my Pasta, how it is horrible and torturous. So praise FSM! to live eternally in Spaghetti goodness!

Timeless Rebellion 12-10-2011 12:20 PM

Long live the flying spaghetti monster!
PRAISE! PRAISE!

pothead 12-10-2011 05:41 PM

remember Jesus loves you

Murder.Of.Crows 12-10-2011 05:46 PM

But if you love Jesus, FSM will devour your soul... Just some things to think about.

pothead 12-10-2011 05:46 PM

remember the pasta that comes out of the earth that is from china is called the false pasto prophet he can make hot sauce come down from heaven in the presence of the antiposto which is his partner

Kasdeja 12-10-2011 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pothead (Post 687121)
remember the pasta that comes out of the earth that is from china is called the false pasto prophet he can make hot sauce come down from heaven in the presence of the antiposto which is his partner

... the FUCK?! You're a false prophet and therefore know nothing about the FSM.

Grausamkeit 12-10-2011 08:21 PM

For the love of noodles! What art thou spouting, pothead? Knowest thou not that thy soul should be like a mighty colander with which to catch His divine goodness? For His pasta is good with cheese! Let the boiling water of falseness drain so that your colander is filled with only Him!

pothead 12-10-2011 08:46 PM

I was just kidding about the false pasto, I really don't worship the pasta monster I don't believe he is real therefor I am a unbeliever when it comes to the pastaclaws, which is in the shape of three meatballs, and has pasta hair, and noodle arms, and legs, and who wares sauce as a covering, he only comes around at december 25 which is pastomas. he gives frozen chunks of meat to kids who are good, and bad kids he gives frozen hot sauce lumbs.. yeah the flying spitgaty monster is about as real to me as the pastabunny or pasta snow man, or pastaclaws

Grausamkeit 12-10-2011 08:54 PM

Your words are all lies and capers!

May the gnocchi have mercy on your soul!

Kasdeja 12-10-2011 08:54 PM

Ok, now my head really hurts.

honeythorn 12-11-2011 04:25 AM

*feverishly prepars the altar for the great rite of the FSM *

pothead 12-11-2011 07:58 AM

[quote=Kasdeja;687126]... the FUCK?! You're a false prophet and therefore know nothing about the FSM.]


fsm is about as real to me as the pastafairy, or the pastabunny or pastaclaws

Murder.Of.Crows 12-11-2011 11:11 AM

After watching the discovery channel, I have been enlightened to a new god. It's name is Beer. Yes, Beer. Evidently, Beer has created all. It brought agriculture to man, taught them how to wright and mathicate (new word, roll with it). Beer kept man alive and funded the pyramids. Beer created civilizations and helped other religions become popular. When man died from the plagues and diseases of water, not only did Beer give us healthy drinking beverages, but then taught us of bacteria and how to fight it. Beer didn't stop there my friends, oh no, Beer then saw the world was to hot for man (of course after insuring America was made) so it gave us refrigerators. Then, if this all loving watcher of ours did not do enough for us, Beer gave us the factory, propelling the world into an age of invention.

Beer made all, Beer made man what he is, Beer made god. So Beer is god. The best part is, Beer doesn't pick and choose its followers it loves all and gives to all. So hail Beer.

Ben Lahnger 12-11-2011 11:27 AM

I don't want to hear prophet bearing a message. Now if someone comes forth and proclaims they have a massage to give to the world, I'll prostrate myself before them.

Grausamkeit 12-11-2011 04:52 PM

Crows, I r disappoint. :(

Murder.Of.Crows 12-11-2011 05:26 PM

lol. I was excited, I didn't know the long history that alcohol had. Plus I was getting bored of FSM, so I wanted to bring in an alternate faux religion , hoping to create a sort of feud.

All in all, I don't think mine caught on. I was never really good at being a troll... lol

Grausamkeit 12-11-2011 08:25 PM

It is certainly interesting. I could not be a part of Beer religion, though. I cannot stand the taste.

Although.....one can cook with beer so.....BEER PASTAFARIANISM!!!

Timeless Rebellion 12-12-2011 01:54 AM

The Flying Spaghetti Monster created beer. Conflict resolved.

pothead 12-12-2011 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timeless Rebellion (Post 687205)
The Flying Spaghetti Monster created beer. Conflict resolved.

who created the flying spaghetti monter then?


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