Gothic.net Community - Who's this asshole?

Hello, gothic.net. Is there anyone still alive here?

I am not really interesting enough to warrant an introduction, but since there is a whole forum dedicated just for this purpose... Here I am.

I am quite despicable and unlikable and should not be in any social contact with anyone, yet, I have landed on this site just for such a purpose. Such is the human nature, that I still crave to be among other goths, despite knowing full well that I can myself offer them nothing but grief. If I was a good person, I’d make the world a better place by offing myself. But I am not a good person. I am shallow, superficial and judgmental. Also a complete failure as a human being.

I mostly equate all non-goth people with evil. I also immediately think friendly thoughts whenever I see anybody goth looking. That is unfortunately an extremely rare event though. Goths are very much extinct from where I live.

I am also a living dead. A zombie. I only come alive for a few hours once a year in a gothic event I attend annually.

Existence within these parameters has become quite miserable and I have become deeply deressed.

My only hobby is writing, but the depression has spilled over there, too, and I have become woefully blocked. And that is really the reason which brings me to this site. I feel so absolutely inadequate that all I can really write nowadays are hateful rants to myself about how worthless and talentless I am. I am hoping to find some voices here to counterbalance that. Maybe then the block would be broken.

I of course fear that this is a vain hope, because my writing is so atrocious that nobody will like them and they will all just join in with that voice already in my head.

They will all laugh at you.

Yeah…

I just feel so at the end of my rope.

That's all the original content my measly existence warrants.

Here's the standard questionnaire I found for this site:

1. What do you do? (Hobbies, job) - I write and once a year I go to an annual gothic happening for a couple hours. I am too much of a loser to have a job.

2. Where are you from? - I wish I knew.

3. Who is your favorite author? - Koji Suzuki. I am also obsessed with Caitlin R. Kiernan.

4. What are your favorite films? - Fallen Angels (Duoluo Tianshi) and Vanishing on 7th Street.

5. What music do you want played at your wedding? - My wedding is in the past and there was no music. I would have liked it, though. I wrote a wedding for one of my characters with a band playing Bauhaus songs. That was a nice wedding.

6. At your funeral? - The Luxury of a Grave by Sentenced.

7. This IS a gothic website, so... how do you want to die? - I don't know. Maybe like the original and unknown cosmonauts, hurtling deep into space in a steel coffin. Or perhaps by being ritualistically sacrificed to Satan. Not very pleasant, but interesting.

8. What kind of casket would you want? - A black bowl with a sign on top that says "crow feed". I love Tibetan sky funerals.

9. What's your FAVORITE outfit? - Haven't found that yet. I hope I will someday, but I doubt it.

10. What's one thing you miss about being a little kid? - Can't think of a single thing. I wasn't a happy kid.

11. What's your favorite band? - I cannot pick a favorite. There are just too many to love. Type O Negative, Ancient, Garden of Delight, Cruxshadows, Dewian, Acheron, Tears For The Dying, Ajattara, Psyclon Nine, SPF1000, Trip Cult, Jucifer, Howling Syn, Scary Bitches, Salem (the Israeli metal band, though I also love the American witch house ensemble), It Will Come, Lilitu, The Misfits (of Glenn Danzig), Penis Flytrap, Freakangel, Crossparty, Deform, Deine Lakaien, Die Untoten and countless others that I forget... Lately, I've just fallen in love with Body Count.

12. What kind of education do you have? What is/was/will be your major? - Another thing I have failed in. I am an uneducated fool.

13. Why did you join? - I joined to torture myself by releasing bits of my terrible writing to be publicly ridiculed.

14. If the first 13 questions didn't give it away. What is your gender? - Mutant.

Now laugh away. Mock and deride.