No Longer Human
 

Thats exactly what it feels like.
being surrounded by people completely alien to my way of thinking,
but, soon as i stop to think, that how "normal" human beings are, and the strange one is me, but i cannot accept that as "myself", therefore, we are not the same species anymore, they pursuit fun, laughter, i fail to see any meaning or pleasure in that, even though i do smile if someone acts goofy, silly, im like a monster who is only pleased by despair, death and suffering, still, i believe i am a much greater person than they are.
today, i was asked to visit my sister, i didnt see her for months, there was a small meeting in her place, some of her friends and relatives were drinking and having their fun, even if that was not my kind of thing, i stayed there and talked to them, as polite as i could, after some time, i put on a song i liked,
everyone became almost silent, then a girl said "god, this music is so sad!" i said, "well, i like sad songs, they make your head go crazy with thinking", then my sister came up and said, "stuff like that can only make me sleep".
then i just left the house and headed back home.
you may think, damn you are overly dramatic, they are free to not like your musical style.
but, why didnt it bothered me when i was listening to their shit music?
the answer is simple, because i knew they were enjoying it, and of course humans do not do that, if they dont like, they just complain, doesnt matter if it is special for the other, its evil, but, not a beautiful evil, a evil without meaning, an ugly and selfish evil which i despise, but its normal, and if you act against it youre melodramatic.
I am not ashamed of being a monster, i actually have pride in it, humans are ugly and are not even aware of it.

Imagine the life of someone who do not feel any pain, can you?

you would feel like youre in a body not of your own, you can see the blood coming out of your wound but, you couldnt care less, if you dont feel pain you cannot call your body yours, even if its a bad sensation who you curse everytime you feel, pain is what proves you that you are alive, that every small bruise matters for you, its the same with our minds, suffering, despair, sadness, these are beautiful feelings, you do not like to feel them, but they make you grow, they make you analyze, they make you understand, they make yourself aware of the other, make you kind and optimistic, they evolve you from silly and funny humans to monsters.

im amazed that just small and unimportant and uninteresting fact like that made me think so much, thats why i wanted to write it down.

You're not a monster. Your problem is Narcissism.

What the fuck did the apostrophe ever do to you?

That will go away.

Not only would that qualify as the worst run-on sentence I've encountered recently (if it were a grammatically correct sentence and started with a capital letter), but it is also the most horrendous abuse of a comma that I have found in a long time.

I didn't read further than that because I feel that if a writer can't be bothered to format their prose in a way that is easy for me to parse, I can't be bothered to read it.

Have a little respect for your audience, or be prepared for a negative response, regardless of the merits of your statement.

English is not my first language, i apologize for not being able to use proper grammar, but i did the best i could and spent more than one hour in that, so im afraid my respect for the audience is not as low as you think.

Thanks anyway, maybe my problem is narcissism, or im too young indeed, i will think about it latter, but im almost sure i will come to the conclusion that im not wrong, the problem is the rest of the world.

Yep, I was right.

Yah, it'll be fine. You're more normal than you think. Everyone has problems and everyone acts less than gracefully sometimes. Looming over things will only intensify everything, so learn to let go and realize being flawed is part of human. Who ever knew they were happy until feeling sad?