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I wasn't sure if I'd find another reason to post here, but I feel like I have to reply to some points made here. I've tried most of my life to learn to act with grace and wisdom, especially when emotions run hot. I'm not always successful, but I keep trying. It does make me take longer to react than others at times, and I try to think twice before speaking in those times when anger, aggression, hurt pride and a lust for retribution drive the dialog. I am not saying anything about anyone else's actions here or elsewhere. I am just addressing the points here where my name was mentioned.
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Originally Posted by The OL
The name is Corey, Nicole's (Sanctus) boyfriend. I am posting this once and when I finish I will have no further correspondence with any of you, and I will do all there is in my power to prevent Nicole from it as well. I've seen the demeanor of my girl spiral from the good natured well intentioned soul she is into a betrayed tortured mess, the situation has come to the point where if I didn’t step in, I would think myself an insensitive prick. I would like to start this out rashly, but in interest of maturity (for the moment) I will remain calm and purely factual.
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From day one of her un-requested but appreciated administrative appointment she was met with a backlash of resentment. Examples:
Ben Langer, who emotionally insulted Nicole over the right to ban members as a moderator, how necessary was that? As I understand it you're almost 40?? Good to know what kind of adolescent offensive behavior I can look forward to when I reach your age.
(The above also suggests to me an underlying jealous animosity over ‘? a web site appointment?’ Do so many of you require validation through favoritism?? I smell the sweet scent of possible motive and back stabbing possibilities… but who am I to suggest such a thing?)
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Corey, let me quote the actual dialog for clarity. I've edited three parts of these posts for unrelated reasons. The missing text does not at all impact the content, and the hurtful comment I made is still clear and obvious. Oh, and I'm 47, for the record.
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SanctusDei - Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 1:52 pm
I'd rather just the admins have banning abilities, for one reason:
We have ****** ** **** people moderating here, all with different braking points... if just one happens to go a little gung-ho we could potentially lose quite a few good members, I would rather keep it to the few admins she assigned, all of which converse on almost a weekly basis outside of the forum... we should't ban anyone without a discussion regarding the issue, and would be fairly unbiased in making said decision
But if anyone wants to argue the matter I'm surely open to differing opinions..
Ben Lahnger - Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 2:21 pm
Well, I certainly understand and agree with that, although I could argue that I probably have demonstrated more patience and tolerance than at least one of the currently selected crop of Admins. That's okay, because I don't want that level of authority or responsibility at this time. I suspect that patrolling the * *** forum will keep me busy enough!
But Sanctus, back to your original point ... doesn't the 3 strike system address this with a satisfying compromise? Especially if the system stipulates that any moderator can only assign one strike to a user.
This would mean that one Admin or three Mods could ban a user ... and a three strike banning would be appealable.
SanctusDei - Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 1:31 am
Ben...with the patience and tolerance comment, I assume you mean me. Although it was a touch painful, it's an understandable opinion. But at least let me explain my reasons...
My issue isn't really based on the abilities of the mods to make sensible decisions, it about having 'too many hands in the till' so to speak. I'm not comfortable with the idea of having so many people possess the power to disable users, I can see it becoming a serious problem in the future...
But whatever... I'm backing out of this discussion.
EPS - Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 1:49 pm
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Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger
Well, I certainly understand and agree with that, although I could argue that I probably have demonstrated more patience and tolerance than at least one of the currently selected crop of Admins.
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I am a bit confused as to why the observation above was warranted?
I don't believe that anyone slighted your ability to be patient or tolerant, please correct me if I am wrong?
Sanctus explained the issue pretty well. We have too many Mods for everyone to have absolute access to the ban list. As she stated, we all have different breaking points. That is why we are trying to implement a " Three Strike Proposal" and a corresponding "Report Thread" so that we all know why someone was warned, and which post was problematic.
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I want the staff to be more involved, and I want there to be solid systems in place so that we can all communicate about problem members, and take action if need be.
However, what I do want to stay away from is the kind of observations made by you above.
Whether you were talking about Sanctus or not, the end result was her feeling like she should not participate in this discussion anymore. Hurt feelings are not going to help any of us here. Not to mention that type of remark usually isn't your style, and I am still hard pressed to understand what elicited that response in the first place.
If I didn't trust each and every last one of you, you wouldn't be here. But the fact remains that we still need systems in place in order for things to run smoothly.
I hope I have clarified things for you, and everyone else a bit.
Feedback is welcome and appreciated from anyone on this issue.
Thanks.
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My point in posting all that is two-fold. First, I wanted to clearly point out that the first person to point out how seriously my words hurt Sanctus, and the first person who came to her defense, was EPS. That was consistant with her character in the past, and until the personal attacks against her in this thread, that has been the character she has demonstrated all along. And I don't blame her for her reply to your comments here.
Second, yes, I did say it. I owned up to it at the time and I won't duck that responsibility now. At the time I said it, I was trying to make a point that became meaningless after I realized how much it did hurt Sanctus. As I typed the words to the post, it didn't occur to me that they could be interpreted in a way that would hurt that much. After Sanctus and EPS pointed out how mean-spirited the comment was, I kept rereading it and couldn't figure out how I could be such an idiot. So I apologized in public in the same thread, and in private by way of a PM to Sanctus. I also offered other apologies at the time, because I also realized that other people could have been offended. Yes, I made a mistake, and I expressed to everyone, especially Sanctus, my remorse.
I wish I never made mistakes, especially ones like this where I hurt people I care about. It's just another piece of evidence for why I try to be slow and measured in my words in response to crisis and drama. I thought I had made amends for this foible and had been granted forgiveness from all parties affected. I don't know if your posting this comment here indicates that it is not so, but I figured I'd better acknowledge the truth behind your comment. I just wish you had told the whole story.
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