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Oh, talking to inanimate objects is actually quite effective! I find that when I speak nicely to my car, she's much more likely to behave nicely.
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A SPIDER sewed at night
Without a light
Upon an arc of white.
If ruff it was of dame
Or shroud of gnome,
Himself, himself inform.
Of immortality
His strategy
Was physiognomy.
--Emily Dickinson
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