[Alaizabel Cray]

I have Bi-Polar Disorder 2, which is a lot like Bi-Polar 1, except I don't get the manic swings nearly as bad. A "manic" swing for me, is starting every project I can get my hands on and being so happy that I get a few odd looks, nothing major. However, I get the depression swings pretty badly. I'll stop eating, sleep constantly (or not at all, it varies a bit from swing to swing), lose my concentration, and I'm just overcome by this feeling of helplessness, that no matter what happens, no matter how hard I try to change, or how loudly I scream, nothing will ever be ok for me and no one will even care. That would usually last for about 2 weeks before I'd come out of it and start feeling like my normal self again. I've been on Prozac to treat those episodes of depression for about two years now, but I've recently started to feel feel that it's not working as well as it could. I've already maxed out the dosage for Prozac as an anti-depressant though, so now I'm on 150 mg of Effexor while weaning off of the Prozac. I'm also on 900 mg of Lithium to kill the little tiny manic blips and also to prevent SSRI-Induced Mania, which I was definitely getting from the Prozac. I also have a slight generalized anxiety disorder, but I've pretty recently managed to get that under control (no panic attacks for almost a year now!), and as long as I keep some Xanax on me for emergencies, I can go into social situations and actually interact with complete strangers. I remember a time when it was hard just to talk nearby people I didn't know, and now I'm talking to them.

I'm not "all better" yet, and I know that. I've got a way to go still before we can call me "under control". But you know, I lived with Disthymia for nearly 10 years before it developed into something my doctors saw as an issue, so just being as happy as I am is insanely great. Like Aaroneet, I was quite the sickly child (double ear infections, chronic pneumonia, always got the flu not just once, but twice per season, the like. Oh, and the fun part, a nasty kidney infection that I thankfully don't remember much of; the fever took care of those memories for me.) And just knowing that not only is that behind me, but now I'm on my way to functioning properly as well..... wow.

'Course, I do often feel like it's the worst possible curse just to have to deal with this, regardless of if it's treatable or not. But at the moment... it's ok. Everyone has problems, right? I'm just glad that, so far, all of mine seem treatable.