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Old 05-12-2008, 06:27 PM   #16
Ishan
 
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Fort Lauderdale
Posts: 148
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kristin
It's and its are easy: "It's" is only for "it is" and nothing else. If you can't break the word into "it is," throw the apostrophe out.

Nice creepy little story too. I have a suggestion: I found your character's description of "easing" the knife into Jessie a bit undramatic. Maybe "forced" or "shoved," or "pushed" if you want a word that wouldn't ordinarily be used. Or break out the thesaurus. To me it seems like if he's easing the knife into Jessie's shoulder, Jessie is just sitting there happily taking it.
This tale really captures my imagination ... and fairly tickles my soul ... so here is why you ease a blade into the subject of your wrath: The moment of intrusion is startling, and the eyes shall betray the dread of the betrayed. The further pressure of the hand upon the blade shall validate the intent, and with the final and slow crawl of any such steel into the flesh of a victim, the ghastly and satisfying sight of disbelief upon the face of the victim shall imbue the perpetrator with a sense of satisfaction ... the final release of breath of the dying shall then be echoed with an equal release from the bearer of the blade. The delight shall be met with rest ... and death.

I really like this tale. It is truth.
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