[Tismine]

Daddy rant.
Let me get this clear before I begin: I love my father. He is a kind, giving, caring, brilliant person. He's a wonderful Dad.
However, he sometimes says things that hurts me, really really bad.
He's done this repeatedly, and I've learned to just agree with whatever he says, no matter how much I may hate it.
What happened today:
I'm trying to be really, really nice to him. And here is how the conversation went:
Dad: Hi sweetie!
Me: Hi daddy! Like my shoes? (4 inch heel, brown leather.)
D: Yes, surprisingly.
M: really?
D: Yeah...I don't have a problem with you looking sexy, I have a problem with you looking like a satanic whore. (Not his exact words, I don't remember them, but similar.)
M:...yeah, I know.
D: Are you wearing them to attract boys or girls?
M: Both (He knows I'm bisexual)
D: I think you need to choose one. Otherwise, you're just looking for sex, not love.
M: ...
D: (continues on about this)
M: ...oh...
*silence*
D: are you upsat about what I said?
M: Yes.
D: Well, I'm sorry.
...
D: I'm not sorry about what I said, because that's true. I'm sorry that you're upset about it.

Yeah. Not really a big deal. But he said it rather..harshly. And kind. Like..well, like a father. And it's so hard for me not to believe him.

And I have very short hair in the back (about 3/4 an inch) and longer in the front (about 6 inches.) It's dyed a strawberry blond, solely to please him. He's already told my that it looks like shit, on numerous occasions, and that people are just too afraid to tall me. He wants me to grow it long to attract members of the opposite sex.
Then this happened on the way home:
D: I want you to grow your hair out.
M: I know.
D: I was reading an article the other day, and it showed a women with a shaved head who had been murdered. Her arms and legs were cut off. She was 22.
Me:That's horrible!
D: She reminded me of you. Look at you: you already have the hair, and you want to add two more holes into your head. (I have my ears pierced. Once. And I want to do it again.)
M:but that's all I want.
D: NOW it is. What about later?! You're going down that path! In college, you will be tempted, an you WILL give in! and then you'll be out partying all night and throw your college, you future away! You'll get yourself killed!
M: Bye, daddy.
And I left the car.

I don't know...I just feel like such an awful person when he talks to me. I feel like such a failure. I dress like an (almost) normal person, I get fairly good grades, the teachers and students love me, I have nicknamed half the upper school, I bake and buy chocolates for EVERYONE when they get sick/breakup/are having a bad day, I'm taking 4 APs and 2 honors academic classes next year, I'm artistic, and I have a good body..
And it's still not enough. I don't have long hair, I don't play a sport, I'm not a republican, I don't have a boyfriend, I'm not STRAIGHT, I'm not normal, I read about things I shouldn't, I give in to my friends too easily, I'm too stubborn, I'm too ignorant, I'm too fucked up, I'm too fat, I'm too thin, I'm too neat, I'm a slob, I 'm not good enough.
My friends never come over to my house because they are either forbidden by their parents (who fear my father's temper) or because they're afraid of my Dad. I have people complain to me about him. He's the ONLY person who makes me cry...when I wasn't' living with him, I cried maybe twice a year. Now I do it practically weekly.

Right. Rant is over. I feel better now.