[Apathy's_Child]

Shit, I keep finding drunk posts I don't remember making.

Okay - I stand by my original point, but to be fair, it IS kind of a dick move to drop a comment like that without providing CC alongside. So if you're interested, Lydia, here's what I see as the problem with yuor work (and not just in this poem). It's narcissistic, self-indulgent, and does nothing new with the tired old format of the teenager-y rant. The best advice I could give you is also the most basic: show, don't tell.

For example, you talk about how people have seen your tears as weakness when you've shown emotion in the past. Isn't there an incident you could pick out that illustrates this, to write about? Off the top of my head - you're upset, the other person's face closes, you turn away, your eyes dry. Only you need to find a creative way to tell that story without actually doing the reader's whole job for them, and spelling out every little thing. When you're so damn explicit, there's little point reading - you've not giving the reader the chance to get anything ouit of it for themselves. Try using an image or an event to depict the emotion it inspired, rather than just writing a poem which is essentially a list of different ways you feel at different times, and uses no poetic devices whatsoever. As Noirette has pointed uot, breaking prose down into shorter lines doesn't make good poetry. There is a HELL of a lot more to it than that.

If writing is purely a personal and cathartic experience for you, and you don't care to cater to any idea of a reader, that's fine and feel free to ignore this advice. I am however baffled as to why you would then proceed to post it on a public forum, and you should probably know that if you do so here, people will offer you their thoughts on what's wrong with it.