Quote:
Originally Posted by MissCheyenne
I don't like or dislike it, I think it has potential. I kinda feel like you've over used the word 'your' though, using it so much seems to make it like an overly long dig at someone if that makes any sense? I know it's MEANT to be personal but it seems over done to me. Maybe try to re write it a little, removing some of the 'your' parts, I think if you did that, it would read a little better.
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Thank you MissCheyenne, very helpful advice. I'll see what I can do about my use of the word "your" and post the poem with the changes.
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"An orphan's curse would drag to hell
A spirit from on high ;
But oh ! more horrible than that
Is the curse in a dead man's eye !
Seven days, seven nights, I saw that curse,
And yet I could not die."
-The Rime of the Ancient Mariner
by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
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