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Empty_Purple_Stars · 05-20-2004, 09:42 AM

OK well it must be 5:00 PM somewhere, I need a drink..

I just pulled a Five and a Half Foot Water Moccasin out from under my mother's brand new Volvo.

Here's my morning so far:

I'm on my way back from dropping my son off at school when I get a frantic phone call from my mom.

There was a FIVE FOOT Water Moccasin by the back door in her garage. Now my mom is fom Louisiana, Land of Angry Poisonous snakes, but somehow she is DEATHLY afraid of them.

Having owned many of the non-posionous variety and growing up in Texas with all of the Rattlers and Cotton Mouths and Moccasins, they don't scare me at all.

Now she has a maitenance man Ramon, who apparently is ALSO afraid of snakes.

Sooooooo, I get there.

Ramon is standing in the garage with a rake, white as a sheet.

The snake is as long as I am tall and extremely unthrilled. I get the rake from Ramon and go to scoop it up and Ramon grabs a hoe and tries to smash it in the head..

*SIGH*

This does NOT please the snake at all.

So he slides off the rake and crawls under my moms Volvo.

*mayhem ensues*

SO they're screaming, I'm telling everyone to shut the fuck up before they scare it into the motor.

And NOW the snake is nowhere to be seen..

*SIGHS AGAIN*

Sooooo I crawl under the car and this motherfucker is now wrapped around her wheel and VERY annoyed.

Now its hard to look an angry 5 foot posionous snake in the eye while under a car thats as low to the ground as her car is, but when you have three people screaming useless directions at you and aggravating said angry snake further, its a REAL challenge.

Sooooo I told everyone AGAIN to please shut the fuck up, and I waited for him to relax and re-position.

He finally straightened out a bit and turned a bit of his head towards the front of the car and before I could change my mind or let him change his I grabbed him by the back of the neck and held on for dear life.

You only get one shot at this little manuever and if you grab too low, well he turns around and bites your ass.Grab to high and well, he turns around and bites your ass.

SO I had to get it right the FIRST time.

*SIGH FUCKING SIGH*

So me and my buddy the very, very angry snake backed out from under the car, with his body flipping and coiling around my arm. Of course when we all came out from under the car EVERYONE went off screaming and running in different directions. Including the small crowd of neighbors that unbeknownst to me had gathered to watch the hilarity.

I tokk my new friend to the tree line, IGNORING all of the cries of KILL HIM and I let him go REALLY REALLY FAST and backed the fuck up.

I swear if he had a finger he would've flipped me off..

No graititude, he could've been a belt or a hatband..

*hee*

Ok fuck, I have alcohol here somehwere, and after that I think I have earned a drink..Or twelve..

This episode of Wild Kingdom has been brought to you by:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!

:shock:

Here's a pic of the friendly neighborhood Texas Water Moccasin..

No it isn't THE snake, he decided not to pose for pictures after all the fun..

:roll:

05-20-2004, 09:42 AM	#970
Empty_Purple_Stars Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Right Here Posts: 3,442	OK well it must be 5:00 PM somewhere, I need a drink.. I just pulled a Five and a Half Foot Water Moccasin out from under my mother's brand new Volvo. Here's my morning so far: I'm on my way back from dropping my son off at school when I get a frantic phone call from my mom. There was a FIVE FOOT Water Moccasin by the back door in her garage. Now my mom is fom Louisiana, Land of Angry Poisonous snakes, but somehow she is DEATHLY afraid of them. Having owned many of the non-posionous variety and growing up in Texas with all of the Rattlers and Cotton Mouths and Moccasins, they don't scare me at all. Now she has a maitenance man Ramon, who apparently is ALSO afraid of snakes. Sooooooo, I get there. Ramon is standing in the garage with a rake, white as a sheet. The snake is as long as I am tall and extremely unthrilled. I get the rake from Ramon and go to scoop it up and Ramon grabs a hoe and tries to smash it in the head.. SIGH This does NOT please the snake at all. So he slides off the rake and crawls under my moms Volvo. mayhem ensues SO they're screaming, I'm telling everyone to shut the fuck up before they scare it into the motor. And NOW the snake is nowhere to be seen.. SIGHS AGAIN Sooooo I crawl under the car and this motherfucker is now wrapped around her wheel and VERY annoyed. Now its hard to look an angry 5 foot posionous snake in the eye while under a car thats as low to the ground as her car is, but when you have three people screaming useless directions at you and aggravating said angry snake further, its a REAL challenge. Sooooo I told everyone AGAIN to please shut the fuck up, and I waited for him to relax and re-position. He finally straightened out a bit and turned a bit of his head towards the front of the car and before I could change my mind or let him change his I grabbed him by the back of the neck and held on for dear life. You only get one shot at this little manuever and if you grab too low, well he turns around and bites your ass.Grab to high and well, he turns around and bites your ass. SO I had to get it right the FIRST time. SIGH FUCKING SIGH So me and my buddy the very, very angry snake backed out from under the car, with his body flipping and coiling around my arm. Of course when we all came out from under the car EVERYONE went off screaming and running in different directions. Including the small crowd of neighbors that unbeknownst to me had gathered to watch the hilarity. I tokk my new friend to the tree line, IGNORING all of the cries of KILL HIM and I let him go REALLY REALLY FAST and backed the fuck up. I swear if he had a finger he would've flipped me off.. No graititude, he could've been a belt or a hatband.. hee Ok fuck, I have alcohol here somehwere, and after that I think I have earned a drink..Or twelve.. This episode of Wild Kingdom has been brought to you by: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!! :shock: Here's a pic of the friendly neighborhood Texas Water Moccasin.. No it isn't THE snake, he decided not to pose for pictures after all the fun.. :roll: