My neighbor knocked on my door and said "Do you know you have a beehive in your front yard?"
I look at the weeping fig in front of my living room window and there sure as shit is a great big hanging down thingy of a mass of BEES! All clumped together, and not buzzing, like they are hibernating or something.
So it's a hundred bucks to have the exterminators take 'em out, and I don't want them killed (after all they pollinate my orange trees! And my avocado but it died last year), so I manage to convince the wifey to help me out.
So I finally get to use my GAS MASK! I put it on, put a plastic bag over my long hair head and neck, put a scarf around my neck, put on long sleeve shirt and thick gloves, jeans and boots, pop open the trunk of my car, and get a big garbage bag and the branch clippers.
The wife shines the flashlight on the branch and I cut it until the branch swings down from the weight of the bees and is about to fall off, then I give the clippers to my wife and get the bag around the clump of bees. Still no buzzing! (Kids: please don't try this at home!)
She cuts the branch the rest of the way and I quickly wrap the bees up in the bag and dash to the car, thrown them in the trunk and slam it shut, and drive 2 miles up into the hills to an orange grove. I pop the trunk, and throw the bag, bees and all into the orange grove and run like hell!
Jump back in the car, close the door and listen: no buzzing. I take off my gas mask, take off my gloves and start driving then BZZZZZ! A freakin stowaway is buzzing by my ear! #!@+& ! I race back down the road at 60 and open the sunroof and all windows and blow the sucker out, but before I pull up to my house have to roll them back shut again in case some were left behind.
The wife is still there with the flash light because guess what? I left half of them on another freakin' branch!
We do the process again, another bag, cut another branch and another dash to the trunk. Some are left on the ground, but surprisingly still docile! Only a bee here and there buzzing, no swarming defense, no killer bee attack, just...dozing bees. WEIRD!
I take the second cargo to where I dumped the first and run like hell again.
Whew! Now just a few bees buzzing around and I saved a hundred bucks!
OH and not one sting on me or my wife!