I specified non-autistic persons because I (as someone who has known many people with Aspergers Syndrome) figured someone would chime in and say, "Well, what about people with Aspergers, you (insert insult of choice)!" And rightfully so, of course!
Here's what inspired this post:
There was a small party at my place. One of our neighbors came over and started talking with one of my apartment mates and our other friends that were there. After he shook hands with her, his immediate response to her introduction was, "So, you're a lesbian?" (For the record, she is a lesbian and found it very rude that this was the first thing he brought up by assessing her appearance.) I have never had any problems with this kid, but I can get along with anyone and it takes a lot to offend me. However, I'm also the most assertive of the bunch because I can do it without being aggressive. I wasn't there for a lot of the night, but all of the friends that were around him(including friends from home) said that they felt uncomfortable with his presence because he was being aggressive and awkward. Awkward is fine, but uncomfortable awkwardness is not - ESPECIALLY at this liberal school and in my circle of liberal friends, so yes, this was a problem.
Rather than lying, I (very nicely) explained to him that everyone in there did not like him and although I have never had any negative encounters with him, my apartment mate specifically wanted him to leave. After a while, they started being mean to him and this was before I was informed about the situation, so he had to have known he was not wanted here. He kept trying to convince me to let him stay. I repeated that I have no problem with him but that I thought that his actions towards my apartment mate and friends were very rude and unsettlingly awkward. While we were doing shots in our kitchen, he walked in and picked up one of the sodas that one of my visiting friends brought to provide a mix. Everyone remarked that it belonged to my friend, but he continued to open it and pour himself some. These actions display an unsettling disregard for the property and space of others. Because someone recently stole a large bag of rare herbs from one of my other apartment mates, this is a matter of heightened concern.
The kid came back... three times. I wasn't around the third time he came back, but he laughingly said, "If you want me to leave, just say so!" In response, she firmly repeated (once again) that she wanted him to leave.
Trust me... Sometimes, I can't tell when I'm being treated badly but I am not a push-over. It's just that the people I'm referring to do not regard the boundaries of others, but the question still stands... WHY would someone ever want to linger in a place where the owner of the property and guests don't want them there after they've been told to leave? He didn't seem to have too much remorse for his actions, either, nor the social intelligence to see what he did wrong even after I elucidated everything for him in a candid but respectful and sensitive way. I told him I would be totally willing to discuss it the next day, but at that point, he was just mad (at me) and refusing to see the situation (as well as my part in it) for what it is. Most people would rather just lie to someone to get them away, but I'd rather tell them the truth. I find it to be easier (most of the time) but I know SO many people that cannot handle any confrontation to the slightest degree. It takes a lot to push these people to make them dislike someone.
Oy vey!
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