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Old 04-14-2005, 08:42 PM   #6
MrMaelstrom
 
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Lisboa, Portugal
Posts: 1,608
A Portuguese guy entered a room, where a Japanese guy was in front of a tank where there was a fish. Then the Portuguese noticed that everything that the Japanese did, the fish imitated: when the Japanese turned to right, the fish turned to right, when the Japanese turned to left, the fish turned to left and so on.
The Portuguese was marveled with this and asked the Japanese how he could do that. The Japanese told him that it was very easy, because he had a superior mind, so the fish did what he wanted. Then the Japanese said that he had to go to the W.C. and would be back within some minutes, but that meanwhile the Portuguese should try to do the same with the fish.
Some minutes later the Japanese returned and was amazed to see the Portuguese and the fish in the same places, but the Portuguese was opening and closing his mouth without saying anything...


You know you are Portuguese when ...

1. Your mother or grandmother has Maria in her name.

2. You have a rooster napkin holder.

3. Your father or grandfather is called Manuel, José, Antonio, or João.

4. You have crocheted doilies on your kitchen counters, dining room, living room, bedroom--on all your tables.

5. You decorate your walls with plates.

6. Your house is a mini church with just as may statues of saints and Jesus as your church itself.

7. You are an immigrant and come home from France, Germany, or Switzerland every August to see your family and work on the construction of your retirement home in your village.

8. You're 25 and still living with your parents. (Note: Give yourself 20 extra points if you're married and living with your spouse in your parent's house!!!)

9. You warn other drivers of police on the highway by flashing your lights, even though one of the drivers might have just robbed a bank.

10. You baptize your child and send him to catechism even though you might never go to church except for weddings and funerals.

11. You think all university graduates should be called "Doutor" and like to be called so if you are one of the chosen few who have managed to finish college.

12. You park on the sidewalk when necessary, even asking the person standing there to please move away.

13. You have a mobile phone and spend a small fortune on it, but think twice about going to the dentist.

14. You have a mother or grandmother who wears black.

15. You spend your holidays in Spain instead of in Portugal because it is cheaper.

16. If you are a woman, you have been to see a "curandeiro" (healer) or have had your fortune told.

17. You insist you wouldn't be caught dead buying Spanish olive oil even though most of the olive oil consumed in Portugal comes from Spain.

18. You laugh at jokes about the Alentejanos but get angry to know that the same jokes are told in Brazil about the Portuguese.

19. If you live in a rural area during the summer you are bound to hear a firecracker exploding outside your window. But I guess it is better than Tony Carrera or Marco Paulo blasting from the village loudspeakers.

20. You think that you can catch a cold with a draft or by sitting in the spring sun. Cold drinks are also thought to bring on the dreadful "gripe". And don't let anyone have a shower after eating as something terrible could happen to them.

21. You get a letter from your doctor saying you can't work because of an "unspecified, ongoing medical condition" and then go on a two-week holiday.

22. Your child's teacher misses two weeks (because of a letter from his or her doctor) and you don't complain because you also will use the same doctor when you have to miss two weeks from your work.

23. If you are from Porto you don't like people from Lisbon and call them Moors. The reverse is also true but they don't call you a nice word like "Moor".

24. You think Brazilians speak incorrect Portuguese and will not read a book written in Brazilian Portuguese.

25. The last major military victory you can remember your country having was the Battle of Aljubarrota in 1385.

26. You say that the Portuguese, unlike the Spanish, are good at learning foreign languages.
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