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Old 04-08-2013, 12:48 AM   #21
Acharis
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 729
Oh, I already have but the results are mixed.

There's an apathy in the community sometimes, like as long as people are drinking and having fun and the venues are making money there's no problem. You also have to negotiate the stupid fucking egos and the pecking order, generally you won't have much influence over anything unless you know people or are a fancypants scene queen/organiser. Also you get "This never happens at MY events!" (Hint - it does.)


I have spoken to some people privately after I've got to know them enough to take the risk. Some people are really resistant to listening and tend to victim blame or slut shame, others are sympathetic but don't feel like they can do anything, others disclose their own bad experiences, and others offer excuses to justify really bad behaviour and keep socialising with the problematic person/people.



But jeez, in only about 2 years, some of the shit I've experienced or seen unfold.


When I first entered the club scene as a new person, I was relentlessly followed around the club and messaged on a public forum for 6-7 months until I got the right person to intervene informally and started dating a male partner... even then I had to approach twice and was only taken seriously because I provided printouts. He wriggled out of it and still I have to put up with the creep hanging round at events smirking because his friends excuse it or don't believe me.
I'm safer now sticking around friends, but in a benevolently sexist way of being sheltered rather than anybody dealing with the fucking problem. Seeing these men still there makes going to the clubs anxiety provoking, which my partner doesn't even fucking understand.

After that I was followed around and continued to get hassled by a different male patron after I said 'I'm not interested' and 'leave me alone'. I opted to just leave the event, because security are douchebags in some places.


I've seen the public fallout after someone made an accusation of attempted sexual assault against a popular man, and the things said about the woman helped keep my mouth shut about my own shitty experiences. Later one of the people with a lot of clout who had been saying those things told me I should have come to him to complain, and because I didn't I had "let him (harasser) get away with it". People still talk to my harasser, even organisers and promoters.. they probably know nothing, but would it change anything if they did?


A friend of mine was/is being stalked long term by this guy, and he was trying to get her into his car outside the club with the offer of a 'present'. Seems legit. She went inside and told security guards who barred the guy, but he waited outside until the manager came back so he could appeal. THE MANAGER OPTED TO LET HIM IN because "he hadn't done anything yet".


More recently I openly spoke up after being hassled by this poly/fetish-presenting couple at a goth event, who seemed to be angling for a threesome.

(I was sitting behind a table against a wall and this girl just comes up dribbling all these weird compliments, then starts saying crude things about how she wants oral sex from me and touching my hair without asking. Then the guy comes up to box me in and starts acting all cocky, and doesn't leave when I say I'm not poly and I'm taken. Basically I'm saying I'm not interested.

When my partner comes over and the girl tries to high five him for 'having me' and the guy starts trying to pressure him to give his name, I tell them they're making me uncomfortable and ask them to leave. I'm pushing my hands out like 'stop'. The guy is a twat about it and demands I drop my hands, telling me he won't leave me alone until I do.) I went and complained to the organiser saying "that guy made me uncomfortable" and she speaks to him, but he still stays at the event glowering at me and starts holding another womans arms behind her back where I can see. Cool, that makes me feel more comfortable...



I love my goth community, it's like a big dysfunctional family, but there's so much problematic shit in it and nobody seems to realise that there are widespread issues. And you do get blown off or backlash for saying anything.
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