[Wraith235]

Good evening, everyone.

For those in the northeast, welcome to the first good white death fest of the 2011-2012 season! Boy it should be a real whopper this year. Saints help us.

The reason I am posting here( as opposed to my intro) is that I wanted my intro to be nice and clean. Slick, I guess would be a good word. Polished is another. However there were certain things that I wanted to get off my chest and this seems like the place to do it.

To understand the rest of the rant I have to take you back to the beginning.
It started in Alabama at around 2002. I had lived there for many years and drifted apart from my local communities(Goth and SCA) and spent most of my time with a group of malcontents who lived in the NYC/DC area.

They offered me a job as a contractor making twice what I was making there as well as sex, drugs, and all the companionship I could want.

So I moved up toward the great wilderness of New Jersey and, because of a new cute bisexual girl in need, I was dropped off the face of the earth.

I spent the last year getting in touch with my UBER goth-ness(only going out at night, whole 9 yards) because I worked horrible hours.

After my hours got righted again I decided that I would make a last, desperate effort to get friends here or I would just quit my job and go home.

And it was at this time, around six and a half years ago that I met a young lady through a convention we were working on.

The thing is she wasn't like other girls because she already had a boyfriend that she loved very much. She was poly. And she wanted to date me. I just had to be ok with the poly lifestyle.

And so began my poly adventures. It was six and a half years of dates, conversations, expectations, hopes, needs, wants, and a level of complication that can only be matched in certain cryptography protocols.

Then on August 30th of this year my girlfriend set me down and informed me that we weren't dating anymore. She told me that we weren't really communicating anymore and that we were growing in different directions, etc.

It feels like I was tossed aside like an old stuffed animal that is not longer amusing.

My arriving here is because I am trying to "re-define" myself outside of dating and outside of the hobbies that I had with my now ex.

If there is anything in particular you'd like me to scream about, feel free to chime in. Otherwise I'll just add to this as I see fit.

Also, I might be adding more on this post or in the replies as I realize things or come up with ideas. It just fucking hurts a lot most days. I thought I was going to be with her for a long, long time.

Btw, I've decided that I'm staying away from dating for at least until the new year(Xian, not Pagan). I want to know more about why I date, should I date, what can I offer to a potential date, and what I need from a potential date.