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(PART 4 of She Asked: "Why Bother?")
As Connie walked she congratulated herself for being a good sport. She wrote her own ‘certificate of participation’ for dating again. After all she did not have a bad time. She held her purse tucked in her slack arm and walked swiftly towards her car that would be soon within view. The sky had darkened a bit but the clouds remained thin and seemed to form cliques. Sitting on a low stool was a young man of regular chocolate complexion, playing a big hand drum. As she got closer the man didn’t seem like a hobo. Hobos don’t wear skinny jeans. Hobos do not have signs next to them reading “I’m just playing for fun” with little hearts, bats, and dollar signs drawn on them. As she got even closer she scolded herself for generalizing while the man looked up and blinked. His eyes quickly looked Connie up and down, then glanced across the street and all around before settling back on the smartly dressed woman. Connie knew the guy. Sitting on the stool in tight pants and a fantastically out of date checkered sweater was Reginald Brown 2. He sat crouched over his drum playing a steady and minimalist series of thumps. Connie walked up to him and stopped. She stared him blankly in the face with her standing up and Reg sitting down.
“Hi Connie how are you tonight?” Why are you so dressed up?” The skinny drummer struggled to hide his surprise.
“Hello Reg. I’m fine…just coming from a date.” Connie muttered her piece with an odd quickness.
“What are you doing here?” She said the next question with a peculiar slowness.
“Playing this djembe of course!” Reginald Brown’s exclamation was so enthused it seemed sarcastic. Connie stood silent, waiting for a better explanation. Stating the obvious is not a serious attempt at humor. He promptly resumed the flat tone of voice he usually had.
“I was downtown anyway. I put the djembe in the trunk in case there were other drummers around but there aren’t any this time. Its fine…” Reg looked down at his crappy sign and shrugged.
“So I walked around jamming. Then I made the sign. Like the hearts? It is because I love to play.” On his last sentence Reg’s voice jumped alive as he smiled big. As Connie smiled back Reg stood up.
“Know who you’re going to vote for yet?” Reg asked with a sneer. Connie’s mind instantly provided a jaded remark concerning American politics ready for use but Constance just nodded while smiling that secret smile, that grin that somehow lets another person know that they get they unspoken assumption. Yet Ms. Montreux’s insider smile was pointless; Reg had been looking downward furiously scribbling into a tiny notepad.
“Don’t be surprised if Michigan goes to Romney. He is from here.” Connie stated flatly, annoyed at the drummer’s inattention. She began to look for her keys in her purse.
“I was convinced he’d lose in 2008. Barry that is.” Reginald closed the notepad with both hands and slipped it back in a average looking drum bag. A breeze limply wafted between them and Connie noticed the clouds seemed thicker.
“So I bet you’re shaking in your boots now huh?” Connie teased while they both began walking toward Connie’s car. Actually Connie stuck her foot out in a long stride and Reg followed her in an instant. He quickly slung a thick rope over his shoulder to carry his djembe and bounced forward to continue talking. He did not know where Constance was going.
“I wasn’t trying to be funny about the outfit. You look nice….like a librarian. But not a frumpy librarian!” He bent his knees and kept his back straight to pick up his sign instead of bending over with straight legs. Preoccupied with the signage he did not notice Constance frown. Frumpy or not she wasn’t trying to look like a librarian. As Reginald grabbed his stool Connie remembered that he had an odd manner concerning compliments. To him he was paying her a pretty good one.
“Are you going somewhere?” Connie asked blandly.
“I thought of walking you to your car.” Reg glumly admitted. In a split second Connie’s eyes widened, then narrowed to viper-like slits.
“My car is right there! I don’t need you to walk me to it. I don’t need a fucking escort through life!” She yelled louder than she wanted to. She didn’t mean to yell at all. After the outburst she stared at Reg’s face of silent confusion and felt a sting of shame.
“I’m sorry-”
“My legs were falling asleep. I wanted to move around a bit. I’m not trying to limit your freedom.” Reginald’s monotone at this point was exemplary. A car horn blared in the distance.
“Its nothing…I’m just tired…the date was long.” She trailed off as she looked at the ground; then abruptly resumed the brisk walk to her car. She was sure she didn’t need to explain more. Reg followed beside her; at first walking too quickly and then too slowly.
“So the date was stressful?” He genuinely looked concerned as he glanced at her.
“No. I don’t think I could really like him. But how can I say that? I just met him!” She sighed and then threw her hands in the air as her automobile grew ever closer.
“Sometimes you just know.” Reginald’s voice hinted at closed memories. They walked in silence after the exchange for a full 7 seconds. A soap opera level pause.
“Other times you need to withhold an appraisal of someone until you get to know them. Not rush to judge. Ugh I hate dating.” They were almost there.
“Hated dating. That’s why I avoided it. But God it gets lonely.” Connie was surprised at her admission. Surprised such hidden feelings came out so easily. She sighed again as she pulled out her keys.
“We all get lonely. I’m lonely too! Since we’re both oh so lonely…we should go out sometime?” Reg smiled as he looked at her; a timid and hopeful smile. Connie did not know how to react and her blank face said exactly so. By now they were right up to Constance Montreaux’s automobile.
“Really? You’re going to ask me out after I just came from a date? You’re asking me out after I just said I hated dating?!” Reg’s smile evaporated as Connie’s voice sizzled with annoyance.
“Yes! I am that clueless!” Reg shouted with an oddly placed glee. He knew she was mad and he wanted to feel her anger. He said how he felt and he wanted an authentic response to it. Reginald stood awaiting her tirade with wide hungry eyes and an asshole smirk. Then Constance got really mad.
“Oh so you know you’re clueless?! Great! Do you know you’re pathetic too?! You’re always reaching and grasping…going gaga, head over heels for women that don’t give a fuck about you! How can you like them so much when they don’t give a fuck about you!? Tell me!” She shouted and knew she was shouting. She wanted to shout more because the clueless bastard in front of her was still smiling.
“I perceive intensely.” The clueless one stated flatly.
“You imagine intensely.” Constance responded flatly.
“Some of them give a fuck about me! Just not like that!” Reg yelled. It was more like a whine.
“Even worse! You can’t appreciate them as friends?! You just gotta know what it is like huh? Reaching! Like I said! Reaching for shit that isn’t there! That isn’t real!” Constance was screaming now. With fists balled at her sides and the will to tell a fool about himself.
“Don’t you think I know that!? Don’t you know I want to turn it off?! A wide net? A big heart? I hate metaphors like those….Fuck you! You’re telling me shit I know already! I can’t turn these feelings off! Fuck you!” Reg hollered but didn’t gesture. Connie’s anger cooled into a thick emotional exhaustion.
“I walked you to your car. Have a good night.” Reg muttered bitterly before turning to leave.
“Don’t do that shit. You always just leave when you’re hurt. Stand there while I think of a good way to say this last thing.” Connie demanded. Reg slowly turned back around with a stonefaced expression. Connie inhaled deeply then spoke:
“I get it. Just don’t get carried away.”
“I don’t get carried-”
“Let me finish. The silly flirtations make you seem cheap. You are valuable. All the searching and reaching make you seem weak. You are strong enough to continue to build your life alone. You’ll know when that lady truly digs you……you’re good at perception for a clueless guy. Besides you grew up alone this isn’t something new for you.” Connie’s voice was now warm and soothing. Reginald was frowning but said nothing.
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