If I told someone I was breaking up with them because I don't have time

Pineapple_Juice · 10-22-2010, 07:11 PM

...would that sound like a lie?

Trying to be as direct as possible, I started dating a guy because I slept with him on the rebound and he apparently thought my "no, we're just friends" was a joke or something because he assumed we were dating. We have lots of good mutual friends-which he informed of our newfound 'relationship'.

I figured (wrongly) that maybe it wasn't fair not to give the guy a chance, and also I felt really bad about embarrassing him by making him admit that it was a misunderstanding after he told all of his friends that we were together.

It's been eight months. I love him dearly as a friend but not like that. Unfortunately, he loves the Pineapple A LOT. In a serious way. He is a great guy, and he's got lots of good qualities-I'm just not feeling it for some reason.

I work a lot and I am going to school, and when I'm not busy I'm tired as hell and I don't have time for a relationship. This is not an excuse to dump him, I just really don't have time. I mentioned it and he said he didn't care, "we'll work it out, and in a few years you won't be so busy anymore and then it'll be okay".

I don't want to wait all those years, and I don't think it's fair to him anyways.

How do I dump someone who's never done anything wrong to me? Like, in the nicest way possible.

KontanKarite · 10-22-2010, 11:13 PM

Where you fucked up is "giving him a chance" to begin with. Now maybe I'm a bit different, but I'm pretty good at knowing who I want to date and who I don't. I've only ever dated someone one time because I "felt like I should" or that I "felt like I owed it to them".

Thing is, if you really wanted to be with him, you'd know it and truth be told, you'd do everything you could to try to find or make time. So yes, I don't think you not having time is the whole truth. The REAL truth is that you're just not as in to him as you tried to convince yourself to be. Oh well. Them's the breaks, toots.

Thing is, I wouldn't tell him that you don't have time. He'll call you out on it and say it's a lie and technically... it's true and it's not true. Best thing for you to do is to tell him that you DO NOT have the emotional connection to him that he deserves and in light of that and the hectic schedule the whole truth is that you don't care for him in that way and you don't have time to try to make it work like that. At least then, it's the complete truth and you might be able to salvage a friendship out of it.

You can't help how you feel. It's unfortunate.

Isaloween · 10-23-2010, 04:09 AM

Quote:

How do I dump someone who's never done anything wrong to me? Like, in the nicest way possible.

By telling him exactly what you told us.
The best way is allways honesty. Especialy because no matter how you do it, you'll hurt him if he loves you.

It's allways hard to do but it's nessecary, for his sake and yours.

Apathy's_Child · 10-23-2010, 05:22 AM

Hurting people that way is seriously fucking hard, and I actually really do sympathize. Thing is, though, if he loves you as much as you say then telling him anything but the truth will probbaly just lead to him trying to work around the issue. You tell him you don't have time, he'll just find ways to fit in with your schedule. You tell him you're not ready to be serious, he'll offer to take things slow. The only thing he can't counter is the cold truth that he just doesn't do it for you in that way. It'll be a difficult conversation, but the hard fact is that if you don't man up and make him understand the way things really are, you'll just wind up geting talked into another eight months - and round, and round it goes.

Underwater Ophelia · 10-23-2010, 05:34 AM

Just be honest with him.

Isaloween · 10-23-2010, 06:29 AM

Quote:

Thing is, though, if he loves you as much as you say then telling him anything but the truth will probbaly just lead to him trying to work around the issue.

I completly agree with that.

Catch · 10-24-2010, 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pineapple_Juice

...would that sound like a lie?

Trying to be as direct as possible, I started dating a guy because I slept with him on the rebound and he apparently thought my "no, we're just friends" was a joke or something because he assumed we were dating. We have lots of good mutual friends-which he informed of our newfound 'relationship'.

I figured (wrongly) that maybe it wasn't fair not to give the guy a chance, and also I felt really bad about embarrassing him by making him admit that it was a misunderstanding after he told all of his friends that we were together.

It's been eight months. I love him dearly as a friend but not like that. Unfortunately, he loves the Pineapple A LOT. In a serious way. He is a great guy, and he's got lots of good qualities-I'm just not feeling it for some reason.

I work a lot and I am going to school, and when I'm not busy I'm tired as hell and I don't have time for a relationship. This is not an excuse to dump him, I just really don't have time. I mentioned it and he said he didn't care, "we'll work it out, and in a few years you won't be so busy anymore and then it'll be okay".

I don't want to wait all those years, and I don't think it's fair to him anyways.

How do I dump someone who's never done anything wrong to me? Like, in the nicest way possible.

Why don't you break up because they are an endless void of neediness and say, "It's me not you?"

TheFeatheredÆtheling · 10-25-2010, 12:45 AM

Pineapple Juice, what would you want if you were in his shoes? No one wants to be lied to so telling him the truth is definitely the "lesser of evils" in this situation. Think about it this way: if he's a good friend and you care about him, he deserves someone who loves him too, right? If one person loves/respects/cares for the other without getting like reciprocation, both will end up sad.

HumanePain · 10-25-2010, 05:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catch

"It's me not you?"

This. It's honest.

Pineapple_Juice · 10-28-2010, 12:10 PM

thanks guys. I have formulated a plan of attack.

Solumina · 10-28-2010, 01:50 PM

Let us know how it goes

Despanan · 11-05-2010, 09:55 AM

Wow, you managed to date a dude you don't like "that way" for eight months?

Break up with him NOW. You should've done it after 2 weeks, every day that you wait you're going to make it harder on him and yourself.

DO NOT tell him you don't have time. DO NOT leave him with ANY inkling of hope that you'll get back together, or he'll moon over you for years, possibly the rest of his life.

Just tell the dude the truth. It's gonna hurt, and it's gonna be messy, but it's better than the alternative.

Catch · 11-05-2010, 11:29 AM

I bet they're back together.

KontanKarite · 11-05-2010, 04:04 PM

Stop stealing my lines, Catch.

ape descendant · 11-06-2010, 02:31 PM

Yeah, what every one else said. Sometimes you must be cruel to be kind.

Pineapple_Juice · 11-07-2010, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Despanan

Wow, you managed to date a dude you don't like "that way" for eight months?

Break up with him NOW. You should've done it after 2 weeks, every day that you wait you're going to make it harder on him and yourself.

DO NOT tell him you don't have time. DO NOT leave him with ANY inkling of hope that you'll get back together, or he'll moon over you for years, possibly the rest of his life.

Just tell the dude the truth. It's gonna hurt, and it's gonna be messy, but it's better than the alternative.

Yo, I realized it was a bad decision afterwards. At the time my thought process was "He deserves to be given a chance, maybe I'm just not giving him a fair chance because I've got my head up my ex's butt still". So I thought I was doing the right thing but I assure you I realize now that I was not.

KontanKarite · 11-08-2010, 09:17 AM

Pinenuts, not to be a dick, you're cool and all, but I think you're kinda crazy.

vindicatedxjin · 11-08-2010, 10:57 AM

Not crazy, just a girl.

Catch · 11-08-2010, 06:31 PM

I bet they are crazy, insane in bed! Wooo!

*Twitch · 11-08-2010, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanePain

This. It's honest.

Who actually believes that though? You can't just leave it at that :P

Underwater Ophelia · 11-08-2010, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vindicatedxjin

Not crazy, just a girl.

I am frustrated that people like you exist.

Despanan · 11-08-2010, 10:51 PM

So are you broken up yet?

...or are you still causing the poor bastard to devote his life to someone who doesn't love him, and never will love him because you can't nut up and tell him the truth?

Catch · 11-09-2010, 09:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pineapple_Juice

Yo, I realized it was a bad decision afterwards. At the time my thought process was "He deserves to be given a chance, maybe I'm just not giving him a fair chance because I've got my head up my ex's butt still". So I thought I was doing the right thing but I assure you I realize now that I was not.

Can you read?

Of course they are not broken up. Man, I've been reading Poppy Brite. She's all weird about gay guys getting it on, but you know it's hot. There some weird thing about her thinking maybe she's a gay guy trapped in a woman's body and wants to get a sex change. That's total crap. I thinks it's totally hot when guys go down on each other. It's really the only PDA that doesn't bother me. If straight guys were wiser, they would encourage it, because I'm not going to join in, it just turns me on.

~ sigh Glad I got that off my chest. I bet he's incredibly hot. You should post a make-out video on YouTube and post the link.

Solumina · 11-09-2010, 10:04 PM

Catch you were here when Poppy Brite went on that little rant about people speculating about her personal life, she has GID get over it.

Also the rest of your post made no sense, but that is normal.

Saya · 11-09-2010, 10:27 PM

I'm surprised you even bothered to read that much. Patience of a saint, Solumina.