Palin-Drone

[Despanan]

Haven't posted much of my new writing on here for a while, So here's a piece I wrote for a ten-minute play contest.

Palin-Drone

by Brenton Lengel

Lights up on the stage of a political debate program from some 24 hour news network. The atmosphere is dream-like. SARAH PALIN stands stage right she wears a Red Blazer. She is poised, in her element. Stage left stands MR. 2010 he is thin, in his 20’s, wears skinny jeans and has the look of a Brooklyn hipster (Think a dirtier, hairier version of RYAN from the office). His posture is relaxed and he is typing on his iphone. A MODERATOR stands off to the side. A NEWS TICKER walks to the center of the stage. No one pays any attention to him

TICKER:
(Direct Address)
SARAH-PALIN-TEA-PARTY-MOMMA-GRIZZLY-KANYE-WEST-JUSTIN-BEIBER WIKILEAKS-IN 3-D!

TICKER looks at the audience for a reaction then at the other characters, they are frozen in time. Irritated, he walks to the side of the stage and leans against the proscenium.

SARAH:
(Continuing from mid-sentence)
But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it's got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and getting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade—

MODERATOR:
Mrs. Palin.

SARAH:
We have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today. We've got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those—

MODERATOR:
Mrs. Palin.

SARAH:
Under the umbrella of job creation shoring up our economy, and getting it back—

MR. 2010:
(Disinterested. Looking at his phone)
You said that already.

She stops.

SARAH:
What?

MR. 2010:
(He does not look up)
September 24th 2008. Katie Couric. You said that already.

SARAH:
I did?

MR. 2010:
Yes.

SARAH looks at MODERATOR for confirmation. He nods.

SARAH:
Oh…well…Right. (launches back into it) Because of that one episode, that one episode, that would turn an issue into what it has become over the last two years. I think that's ridiculous. That's one of those things, where that issue—

MR. 2010:
You said that—

SARAH:
(ignoring him)
That I don't read or that I'm not informed, it's one of those questions where I like to turn that around and ask the reporters—

MR. 2010:
Already.

SARAH:
‘Why would it be that there is that perception that I don't read?’

A pause

MR. 2010:
Barbra Walters, December 9th, 2010.

SARAH:
(getting annoyed)
Really?

MR. 2010:
Really, and we aren’t talking about that.

A beat, a look of determination comes over SARAH’s face, she takes a deep breath.

SARAH:
(in one breath)
Who hijacked term: 'feminist'? A cackle of rads who want 2 crucify other women w/whom they disagree on a singular issue!

SARAH looks at Mr. 2010 and smiles.

MR. 2010:
You tweeted that.

SARAH’s face falls.

MR. 2010:
And we aren’t talking about that either.

SARAH:
Well Mr. 2010, what are we talking about?

MR. 2010:
(Not answering her question)
What the hell is a ‘cackle of rads’?

SARAH:
[To the Moderator]
What are we talking about?

MODERATOR:
Um—

MODERATOR shrugs—He’s got nothing.

MR. 2010:
Because it sounds like something I want to avoid when playing Fallout 3.

SARAH:
(Grunts with frustration)
What am I doing here? (Looks at her hand) Where are my notes?

MR. 2010:
We’re talking about you.

Sarah looks at him questioningly.

MR. 2010:
And we’re talking about me.

SARAH:
You’re gonna have to be more pacific there.

MR. 2010:
Well it looks to me like you’re gearing up to run for president.

SARAH:
I might be.

MR. 2010:
Really?

SARAH:
Yeah.

MR. 2010:
Why?

SARAH:
Why not?

MR. 2010:
You called Alaska “America’s Biggest Island”.

SARAH:
Are you afraid of strong women?

MR. 2010:
Probably. I’m 2010. I’m afraid of a lot of things. I’m afraid of car-bombers, and mosques, and oil spills, and taxes, and fema-camps, and death-panels, and socialism and not getting to pass on generation after generation after generation my ill gotten—well not necessarily ill gotten but still way more than I or my family will ever need—wealth, and I’m scared of the economy, and the black man in the white house who may or may not be a secret-Muslim-socialist-communist-nazi-black-radical-racist-vampire, who for some reason keeps dressing up like the joker now that I think about it, and I’m scared of the Republicans and I’m scared of the Democrats and I’m scared that someone is gonna turn me gay, or beat me for being gay, or maybe that I am gay and I’m really fuckin’ freaked out about some Aussie asshole telling people things over the internet, and I think Christine O’Donnel might be a witch…so yeah…strong women. Brrr!

SARAH:
Wow.

MR. 2010:
Yeah.

SARAH:
That was…

MR. 2010:
Fear vomit. I need a beer.

He crosses to a cooler and pulls out a PBR. As he does TICKER crosses the stage.

TICKER:
(Stopping in the middle. Direct address)
SNOOKIE-KEI$HA-FACEBOOK-REFUDIATE-DOUBLE-RAINBOW!

TICKER starts to exit. Then he pauses and returns to the center.

TICKER:
(Direct address)
…Snowmageddon.

TICKER crosses to the other side of the stage, leans against the proscenium and starts playing a game on his phone. MR. 2010 pops the PBR. And takes a drink, then downs the whole can. He pulls out a second one and extends it to SARAH.

MR. 2010:
You want one?

SARAH:
No.

MR. 2010:
Good.

2010 pops the second beer and drinks.

SARAH:
You are really afraid.

MR. 2010:
You think?

SARAH:
Well don’t worry Mr. 2010. Me and the Mamma Grizzlies will take care of you.

MR. 2010:
(Drinking, he shakes his head)
Don’t do that.

SARAH:
Why not?

MR. 2010:
Because I’m pretty sure I’m afraid of bears…yes, I’m afraid of bears.

SARAH:
You’ve just gotta trust me.

MR. 2010:
How can I trust you? You have North Korean Allies!

A beat. SARAH formulates a plan.

SARAH:
Ya know, I think I will have some of that beer.

2010 hands her his PBR she takes a sip.

SARAH:
Hmm…

MR. 2010:
What?

SARAH:
This tastes terrible.

MR. 2010:
I know, I can’t stand it.

SARAH:
Why do you keep drinking it?

MR. 2010:
I’m 2010, it’s ironic…

SARAH:
Ironic.

MR. 2010:
Plus…I kind of like people thinking I can’t afford better.

SARAH:
Can you?

MR. 2010:
I dunno. Maybe. Probably.

SARAH:
You know, you really should vote for me.

MR. 2010:
Why?

SARAH:
Because I’ll fix everything.

MR. 2010:
How?

SARAH:
(Flirty)
With common sense.

MR. 2010:
If common sense were all it took to fix this we’d have fixed this by now.

SARAH:
Why?

MR. 2010:
It’s common...(He looks at the MODERATOR) Are you ever going to say anything?

MODERATOR:
I just work here.

SARAH:
(Seductive)
I’d be a great president, I’m everything you want. I’m tough, and I’m pretty, and charming. I mix up words, I’m on television with Kate Gosling, it’s possible that I hunt moose, I’m a pitt-bull with lipstick, a Hockey Mom from Wasilla, I’m just like you.

MR. 2010:
You…are not…like me.

SARAH:
What?

MR. 2010:
You’re not like me. I don’t hunt moose. I’m not a celebrity. I don’t have my own TV show and I don’t wear lipstick…I remember when I first saw you. First old men talked and talked and talked about you. They told me how smart, and tough, and principled you were for what seemed like hours and when you finally walked on stage they shot off fireworks. You’re not a regular person; you’re a product, a golden goddess raised and sculpted by old rich white men to distract me from what’s really important and take my money and my votes. You are vapid, and petty and self-interested, you’re the pop-country of politics; easy to dance to and sing along but at the end of the day there’s nothing there. You’re the GOP’s very own Taylor Swift. This whole thing is just a beauty pageant to you, isn’t it?

SARAH:
Don’t say that.

MR. 2010:
Why not? It’s true.

SARAH:
You can’t say that! I’m a woman! You’re a man! You’re just picking on me!

MR. 2010:
You just said you were tough. You said you were a Grizzly.

SARAH:
I AM BOTH! (She kisses him, hard) NOW LOVE ME, PROTECT ME, AND MAKE ME YOUR LEADER!

SARAH PALIN leans back and pulls MR. 2010 on top of her. He is starting to get into it when he notices MODERATOR watching.

MR. 2010:
W.T.F. dude?

SARAH tries to grope 2010, who absentmindedly shoos her away.

MODERATOR:
You’d better do what she wants. There’s no talking to her when she gets like this.

SARAH writhes sexily on the floor.

[Despanan]

PALIN-DRONE CONT'D:

MR. 2010:
Aren’t you supposed to be protecting me from people like her?

MODERATOR:
I’m boring no one pays attention to me, unless there’s someone like her around. I have to compete with movies, and television, status updates and Spiderman on Broadway. You’re 2010 you don’t want to listen to responsible homely people tell you the truth. You want 24-hour news. You want pundits sending you tweets about tweets directly to your phone

MODERATOR:
You want glitz and glamour, intrigue, sex, and lies. You want to watch the rich and privileged be paid to live like rockstars, and at the end of the day say: “they’re just like me”.

SARAH is rubbing herself suggestively. 2010 is watching.

MR. 2010:
I’m sorry, I lost interest and stopped listening. What did you say?

MODERATOR throws his hands up in the air. SARAH PALIN continues to writhe and moan on the floor. 2010 makes out with her.

SARAH:
Drill Baby Drill!

MODERATOR:
(Direct address)
I just give people what they ask for. People want to be lied to. People want to be offended by what they see so they can complain about it. Want to know where Glenn Beck came from? I just shaved a hobo and put him in front of a camera.

MR. 2010:
Shouldn’t you take responsibility for what you do?

MODERATOR:
Shouldn’t you?

SARAH:
Mama Grizzlies are all about personal responsibility.

SARAH starts nibbling on 2010’s neck.

MR. 2010:
(Getting up)
I think I’m done here.

SARAH:
What?

MR. 2010:
Yeah. I’m already bored of this.

SARAH:
You can’t just leave me like this!

MR. 2010:
Yeah I can. I’m 2010. I’m kind of a dick.

He moves to exit.

SARAH:
Stop right there! You can’t refudiate me! I don’t need your vote I have legions of Christians, and housewives and Rednecks, who will love me, vote for me, and stomp on red-jacketed hippy chicks at my command. I don’t need your vote.

MR. 2010:
You’ve got my vote.

SARAH:
What?

MR. 2010:
I’m voting for you.

SARAH:
You’re going to elect me?

MR. 2010:
I want to see what happens when you get what you want.

SARAH:
(Stunned)
Everything will get better.

MR. 2010:
Will it?

SARAH does not answer.

MR. 2010:
(Turns to the audience. Direct address)
Sorry, I’m 2010. I’m afraid of everything I didn’t fill out my census and I’m kind of a dick. (He pulls out a NYC condom and turns to SARAH PALIN) Comeon, lets hate-fuck behind a Walmart.

SARAH:
(taking his hand)
You Betcha.

They exit. MODERATOR follows.

MODERATOR:
Will someone please pay attention to me?

They exit. TICKER walks to center stage, a pause.

TICKER:
Wait, I’m confused. Is the Ticker just going to spout off “2010” words, or is this device going to have some sort of payoff? (a pause, TICKER shrugs) Man that got dark at the end. Sorry about that, but you know what? It’s just 2010, it’s almost over and a lot can happen in a year or two, and that makes me feel good.

TICKER picks up a beer.

TICKER:
To twenty-eleven.

Ticker drinks, lights down. End of play.

[Despanan]

Whoops, I should've said ten minute piece I wrote for a "24-hour" play contest.

[CuckooTuli]

This was a good read - the placement of the "Drill baby drill" line made me lol. Parts of it read more like a ranty opinion piece than a play, but I think that works pretty effectively.

I do think that personally, I would have more than one Mr. 2010. The speech about what he's afraid of doesn't really fit with the whole hipster vibe, or the "You're not like me speech" (which absolutely DOES fit with the hipster vibe). Or maybe changing his appearance would be a way around that - if he's wearing a plainer outfit that doesn't identify him with any particular lifestyle or subculture, the fact that his opinions don't all hold together under the umbrella of a single ideology will be more easily exaplinable by the fact that he's a composite, rather than a character as such. In fact, that'd be much simpler than having him played by more than one actor.