Shadow Realm

[HumanePain]

Oh, damn, sorry Crimson! Shoot, I look for one more post before my wife and I head out the door to dinner, and I see this, and don't have enough time. I promise I will read it tonight, and thank you thank you thank you for adding more chapters!
I'll be back, I promise. Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day!

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Thank you so much HumanePain. I look forward to your reading it.

Have a nice dinner tonight. And Happy Valentine's Day to you and your wife.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

I just got this copyrighted.

[HumanePain]

Crimson, your imagination is awesome! The way you described the character's feelings strikes an empathy with the reader, and you keep the story flowing with timely action scenes.

I could also tell that you were completely given over to your muse (a GOOD thing!); it was obvious that you were writing quickly in excitement, and that is when great stories come to mind (when I write like that, my hands are literally shaking from trying to type too quickly, an almost manic condition). I recognize the signs because I do the same thing when I write. Sometimes in the excitement of creation, one writes so quickly, that some words in the sentences never make it from the mind to the page such as:

"My friends were kept me going."

which you probably intended as:

"My friends were all that kept me going."

or

"My friends kept me going."

There were a few other places like that where parts of the sentences were missing on the page (I say that because one can tell from reading that the words were there in your mind, otherwise you would not have assembled the sentence that way), but it isn't anything that practiced editing won't catch in the future. Practice reading your compositions over and over and over again. (I still need to improve in this area too.)

But the important revelation from your writing is that you have IT. The passion to write, to explain, to let your words describe the visions in your mind, and that is what ultimately makes a writer who can capture the imagination of readers! Now you just need to polish the grammar and editing, and you will rock this world!

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

I saw those mistakes when I went through reading it to my boyfriend. Oops. But thank you for pointing that out. But you are exactly right. I was just so excited my hands were shaking and I was typing faster than I thought ever possible.

And once again thank you Humane. You are an inspiration.

[HumanePain]

You are welcome Crimson. And I am sorry I missed it: I looked at the time stamp on your posts to the story, and I don't know how I missed it, because I am especially alert for your writing. Anyway, when you post something new and I seem to be lost in another thread, feel free to just drop a post in front of me wherever I'm at and let me know.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Okay, I sure will let you know. You're my best critic.

I appreciate it.

[darkness-creepshow]

Its really good, you write well Crimpson! I like how your charector is really paranoid for weeks and is scared of even shadows.

[Shyantra]

Originally Posted by Crying_Crimson_Tears

I thought I saw corrections, I didn't think I used some of the nice words I saw in there when I read it. He he, oh well.

Sorry this is bugging me.

You have a very, very good story line. Although as I read this I notice you have a tendency to use commas where they are not need, especially in the prologue. I suggest looking these over.

Another thing you might want to look at, some of your sentences do not flow together easily. Kind of like you jumping from one thing to another.

Cannot wait to read what happens next though!

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Wow my prolouge was from forever ago. I already know that, that needs fixing. I've re-read this story so many times this week to different people on the phone. I know that when I go to get this published I am fixing this before I do so. I already saved it in TextEdit on my computer so I will have fun with this story later.

[Shyantra]

Sorry I knew that. Like I said it was bugging me. lol.

So when is the next piece coming out?

Headlines Read:
Next piece by Crying_Crimson_Tears comes out October of 2007.


Gah! Can't wait that long.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Well seeming as in the year 2008 and not 2007 I'm sure you going back in time might take a while.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Chapter 2 cont.

My parents made me go see a therapist after that. They thought I needed medication too. But there wasn't enough medication in the world to make my pain and my nightmares go away. They didn't know, and I couldn't tell them.

I got home from one of my sessions. It had been rough, my pyscho therapist kept telling me I could talk to her and I was going to be okay, but I had to open up. I kept telling her I wasn't going to fucking open up to her and she should shut the hell up, which didn't help of course. But I couldn't tell her anything. I couldn't tell anyone anything.

I walked through my door. It felt strangely cold in my house for spring. It was 70 degrees outside and it was about 30 inside. I could see my breath. I knew someone was here. I saw the note on the counter saying my parents were working late and my brother and sister were at my grandparents for the night. I silently hoped that whoever was here to bring me back to the Shadow Realm didn't get my family too.

I wandered through the house, "I know you're here, so come out and get me. You're going to fail again." I was taunting him, leading him on. I could sense he was here. I could feel his power. It was suffocating. "Come out, come out. Scared are we? Afraid I am going to send your worthless weak ass back down to him?" If he was like any regular idiot, he would fall for it. But I had a feeling he wasn't going to fall for it.

As I went upstairs the temperature was getting colder. It was a good thing I preferred the cold air. He couldn't help but spread cold. Any typical shadow demon would. He was no exception. I knew it was him, he would be the only one with this much power. His matched mine. I went into my room. It was an ice box. I knew he was in here. There was one shadow in the corner, his form was there. I faced the shadow, fear slowly rising in my chest. This was going to be a nasty fight.

He started to form into a human shape. I formed a purple energy ball, one that would burn a fucking hole in his chest. I let go at his form and it went right through him. Damn it. He darted at me and shoved me against the wall. his hands were holding my wrists. I struggled against his weight. He smiled at me. I shivered. "You know you're a pretty girl, no wonder he wants you." His voice was smooth, almost mesmerizing. His blue eyes held mine. I felt my heart skip. I shook my head and then spat in his face.

He took a hand off of my wrist and slapped me. I took upon that moment to free myself and get myself the hell out of the room. He scared me. The first person to ever scare me. I ran down the stairs. And turned into the living room so I could get out of the door. He was there waiting for me sitting there right on the couch. I stopped and turned. He was right there in front of me.

"What the hell do you want from me? You could of easily taken me down there already. So what the hell are you waiting for?"

He smiled again.

"It would be no fun if I didn't get to screw with your head first. How do you like not sleeping? That nightmare pretty scary? You shouldn't worry your pretty little head. It's just a dream."

His voice was taunting and mocking. I punched him in the stomach he doubled over and kneed him in the groin. I turned to run but he grabbed me and shoved me on the couch.

"You need to control your anger," he said through clenched teeth. "You are going to be sorry the next time you touch me."

"Let me go."
"So you can run away again, no."
"Why the hell are you torturing me? Fight me or get the hell out of here or I will punch you again."
"That would not be wise, and I will do as I please."

I was getting confused and I was not happy. I was agitated. If he was just here to play with my head he was doing a good job. But I was not going to be played with anymore.

"I said to get off of me."

With that I jerked my hand forward into his stomach piercing it with my nails I jerked my hand back out with his purple blood all over my hand. His eyes went from mine to his stomach. He choked out a yell of pain, and fell down grasping his stomach. "Now who's playing who?" He looked at me and vanished before my eyes.

I sank back into the couch. I had a feeling I was going to be able to sleep tonight...

[HumanePain]

You are getting better and better! Your practice is showing!
I was locked into reading this chapter; you are a natural at keeping the reader in the dream flow, very important! And the format is also improving. Now I just want you to post more so I can find out what happens next!

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Thank you!!! I feel this story in my veins and I am pumping my brain for more.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Chapter 3

I was right. I slept peacefully. No nightmares, nothing of anyone I cared about dying. I was still disturbed from him. He was screwing with my head now, he wasn't dragging me anywhere. I was still here, home. Safe and far from danger. He probably could have gotten close to bringing down to the Realm, but he wasn't even trying to bring me anywhere.

"He's protecting you Journey dear."

I jumped. Someone was whispering to me, at least I thought someone was. Or maybe it was in my head. I looked around.

"Don't be alarmed. It's okay. I'm here to protect you too," the voice whispered again.
"Who the hell are you???" I yelled. I was completely freaked out.
"He's going to protect you sweetheart, do not fight him. Talk to him. And listen."
"What the hell do you mean, what are you talking about?" I was yelling again. I wanted answers.
"Good bye Journey."
"No! I need answers!"

But the voice was gone. the whispering from in my head or wherever it was from was gone. Who was that? And how did they know me? Things were starting to get really messed up.

[HumanePain]

Hooray! The story continues! But so short.
Such a tease to the reader!

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Yeseth, I wanted to tease the readers. Just a small something until I get my head outta my ass and get started again.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Chapter 3 cont.

I went for a walk. I was letting the night air wrap me in like a dark blanket of serenity. I needed it. I let myself just fall into nothingness. I didn't want to think, feel, or even breathe at the moment. I just needed to get things straight. I wanted a normal life for once. I wanted to not be chased, to not be a center of some psychotic evil prince's life, and I wanted to have a normal family and I didn't even care if I didn't have powers. I actually wanted to be human. I wanted that at that moment more than anything. But of course, I couldn't control my life.

I found myself in front of my favorite place, the Pond. I loved the Pond. It had my history. It had seen everything. My agony, my tears, my love, my friends, everything. I had always retreated up here by the Pond to clear my thoughts, to think. I was looking out over the dark water. The bats were dipping low over the water probably nipping at the bugs to get something to eat. I looked at them, jealous over the fact that they were normal animals, even getting to eat without worrying about someone taking them away for forever. That's when I lost it.

I fell down to my knees. I started to cry. I was jealous over bats! I cried over everything. Then I went numb. I couldn't feel anymore. I cried myself numb. I knelt there. Totally unobservant to everything. Which I shouldn't even had let myself become. Because letting myself become unobservant can almost cost me my life......

[HumanePain]

I loved the last part, when she breaks down and collapses crying. You described it very well. ^_^ Great to see you writing again! By the way, my Chapter 2 of When Bats Sleep is on angst-zine dot com now. Keep writing Crimson!

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Thanks Humane!!! I was hoping you would read this soon. And I will go check out Chapter 2. I love that story. So beautiful.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

Chapter 4

I was kneeling there when I felt a sharp pain in my back. I fell forward gasping. I heard a chuckle.

"Not paying attention tonight are we?"

I got up and flung myself around just in time to get a knee straight into my gut. I fell down again. He got me in the solar-plexus leaving gasping for the air that got knocked out of me. He gripped my throat and squeezed. But then his face went soft and he released me. I fell down gulping in the sweet air. His dark hair fell around his pale face. His green eyes pierced into me. He knelt down in front of me and cupped my face.

"I'm sorry."

And with those words, he disappeared into the night.

[Seektoamplify]

Oh my, I like that part, that really adds a sense of mystery, I gotta know who he is, I'm bitting my nails hunny!

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

You mean 'biting' right???

[HumanePain]

Wow, that was catty-whumpus. First he attacks her and then says "sorry"? O_o What's up with that? Very curious to read what will happen from that!