boy trouble at the max

Tsukiko · 11-19-2009, 05:07 AM

so i need help. im goin out with a guy named deven. and we are goin on 5 months. and was happy but now im noticing more bad thing about him. im 17 and work on a farm. he is 19 and has no job. now i smoke and he always wants me to give him ciggeretes. so i do. but lately i have been trying to make him happy and buy him food, cloths, stoges and im like out of money. and he still asks me for stuff. a couple of days ago i bought a new pack of cigerettes and he automatically said can i have some and i said no. so he got all grumpy and was like "why not?" and i cant take it.

im a shy person i dont like to display affection in front of my friends and thats all he wants when we are at his house (which is every day) all he wants to do is cuddle and do other things. and dont get me wrong i like to cuddle but not that much. well i was just gonna talk to him about it. well i was talkin to his cousin chris who is my best friend aabout it and he said "if you dont like him anymore dump him, he has been a mooch sence he was a kid." so i thought about it and i asked chris how i would do it and he just said "just sit him down and do it"

later that day chris texted me again and said if i brake up with deven would i ever giver him a chance. and i dont know what to do i like chris but im goin out with deven and i dont wanna hurt him, and if i did brake up with deven and go out with chris, deven would hate him and i dont want me to come between them. and i dont even know if i did brake up with deven if i would go out with chris. i just dont know if i should brake up with deven, but it feels like he is useing me. please HELP!!!!!!!

Joker_in_the_Pack · 11-19-2009, 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tsukiko

so i need help. im goin out with a guy named deven. and we are goin on 5 months. and was happy but now im noticing more bad thing about him. im 17 and work on a farm. he is 19 and has no job. now i smoke and he always wants me to give him ciggeretes. so i do. but lately i have been trying to make him happy and buy him food, cloths, stoges and im like out of money. and he still asks me for stuff. a couple of days ago i bought a new pack of cigerettes and he automatically said can i have some and i said no. so he got all grumpy and was like "why not?" and i cant take it.

im a shy person i dont like to display affection in front of my friends and thats all he wants when we are at his house (which is every day) all he wants to do is cuddle and do other things. and dont get me wrong i like to cuddle but not that much. well i was just gonna talk to him about it. well i was talkin to his cousin chris who is my best friend aabout it and he said "if you dont like him anymore dump him, he has been a mooch sence he was a kid." so i thought about it and i asked chris how i would do it and he just said "just sit him down and do it"

later that day chris texted me again and said if i brake up with deven would i ever giver him a chance. and i dont know what to do i like chris but im goin out with deven and i dont wanna hurt him, and if i did brake up with deven and go out with chris, deven would hate him and i dont want me to come between them. and i dont even know if i did brake up with deven if i would go out with chris. i just dont know if i should brake up with deven, but it feels like he is useing me. please HELP!!!!!!!

I'm going to resist just verbally assaulting you, because believe me, I have a lot of material to work with.

How about you just sit him down and talk to him? Most relationship problems can be worked out through open, honest communication. If not, at least you tried.

Nihtgást · 11-19-2009, 05:18 AM

Sounds like Deven needs to be smacked. i say just wait until he asks for more cigarettes or something and use that as a way of starting the conversation. this conversation doesn't need to be just "we're breaking up" or "we're not working out" or whatever, you can ask him things to determine whether or not he genuinely cares about you and if he would stop being such an idiot about the relationship. if either of those is a "no" then the healthiest option would be to then break up.

Still Jack · 11-19-2009, 05:26 AM

Get a spine and tell him to get a job and buy his own fucking cigs.

the-nihilist · 11-19-2009, 07:22 AM

Tell him you're gay.

Nihtgást · 11-19-2009, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the-nihilist

Tell him you're gay.

That would either work, or turn him on...

Anarasha · 11-19-2009, 01:32 PM

Or both.

But about the stuff, he seems like a dog. You got him used to it, and now he jumps up on you, humps your leg and begs for more. That part of it is really your own fault.
But I agree, talk to him. Dumping someone - contrary to popular belief - is not a magic solution to problems, it is just a way to get really lonely really fast.
Now as when it comes to showing affection in public, that is a tough nut to crack. A lot of boys are like that until they strap on a pair of balls, grow up and realize that they should not be ashamed to show that they care.
I could turn this into a long, heartfelt rant, but let me just wrap it up by saying: Talk to him about it, and tell him that it makes you feel like he doesn't care about you, tell him how you feel.

(And a small tip. If you want to continue making threads in here, perhaps you should put some effort into doing some proper punctuation, stuff like this gets heavy to read without it. No offense intended.)

vindicatedxjin · 11-19-2009, 01:45 PM

Ugh....dump his ass. I've been in your situation...he might really love you, but he is, and knows, that he's USING YOU. He should be buying YOU shit. Sorry this just really eats my heart up because I LIVE with this.

Anarasha · 11-19-2009, 01:48 PM

By the way, one thing that I managed to leave out of my post earlier:
If his cousin is urging you to break up with him, and even before you broke up with him is asking you to consider him, then chances are that he is manipulating you.
And a good rule of thumb is to never go for your ex's family, it never ends well.

vindicatedxjin · 11-19-2009, 02:00 PM

Just cut yourself off from that family as a whole.

Anarasha · 11-19-2009, 02:24 PM

No need to do THAT, but she just shouldn't go for the cousin.

vindicatedxjin · 11-19-2009, 02:27 PM

Dude, if you're in a relationship like that and end up breaking up, chances are you're not gonna wanna be the bestest friends with the family. I know this from experience. Unless like you've been friends with them for your whole life or something but I don't think this is the case with her.

Anarasha · 11-19-2009, 02:28 PM

I wouldn't know, I'm a loveless loser o.o

Still Jack · 11-19-2009, 02:28 PM

Seriously, the OP needs to grow a spine and do what makes her happy.
Do people really find it that difficult to be happy?

vindicatedxjin · 11-19-2009, 02:31 PM

Well it's difficult when you don't want to hurt other peoples feelings, it's easy for us to say "oh fuck him, he's a loser." But in truth the dude might really love her, even though he sucks, and she prolly loves him too, but knows that she could have better. Relationships are so mind mushifying.

Still Jack · 11-19-2009, 02:38 PM

If the dude loves her, then he'll actually care about her opinion. To me it doesn't really sound that to me. I've only had 2 relationships I find vaguely sucessfull, the rest kind of ended in flames and my partner hated me after that...

vindicatedxjin · 11-19-2009, 02:40 PM

Come to think of it yah....the dudes that have treated me like shit, prolly never loved me to begin with even though I spent all my fucking money on them....why couldn't I have just stayed single my whole life.

Still Jack · 11-19-2009, 02:42 PM

I still get death threats from one of my exes, it makes me feel all warm, fuzzy and wanted =D.

Solumina · 11-19-2009, 02:42 PM

Tell him firmly that you can't be in a relationship with someone who is so dependent on you. If he wants to stay with you then he needs to step up and pull his own weight, if he can't do that then you need to do what is best for you and move on.

As for the cousin don't date him anytime soon. Even if the two of you would be a good match you shouldn't jump into anything with him or else there is a good chance that Deven will be hurt and feel betrayed by both of you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anarasha

I wouldn't know, I'm a loveless loser o.o

So then why are you weighing in on a discussion about something that you know nothing about?

Anarasha · 11-20-2009, 06:55 AM

Solumina - Because what little experiance I have, I would like to share.

Pantherlette086 · 11-20-2009, 10:25 AM

What a free loader! I would rather be single than be with an idiot. Break up with him.

slim frame · 11-20-2009, 10:38 AM

This dude sounds like a total tool (it irks the shit out of me when people bug me for my things and don't ever pay me back or return the favor). Seriously, be open and talk about your feelings because this guy's probably not a mind reader and if you don't express what you need from him in a relationship, you only have yourself to blame for your unhappiness.

I hate freeloaders. Boy needs to man up and get a fucking job. And if he's not willing to do his part to make the relationship work, dump his ass. More importantly, if *you're* not willing to do your part (open, direct communication, etc) to make the relationship work, you might as well end it because if you linger it will only cause more pain and strife in the end.

As far as dating the other dude goes, go with your gut feeling. If you feel like it's a bad idea, don't do it. Listening to your instincts is generally the best option...if something doesn't feel right, it's probably best to not do it.

Pineapple_Juice · 11-20-2009, 01:06 PM

I have had boyfriends like this. One guy asked me for money for cigs and energy drinks. When I said I only had a debit card and that I'd go with him and get it for him, he replied with "no, I have money, I just thought I'd ask".

We are NOT together anymore.

Nihtgást · 11-20-2009, 02:02 PM

I'm just going to let people know not to expect a response from Tsukiko right away, i know her offline and she doesn't get on much. just figured i'd toss that out there so you know she didn't ditch the forum already.

DRM · 11-20-2009, 03:43 PM

Oh I get what you mean with the moocher thing.
I'm having the same problem with a friend of mine.
You should just stop talking to him all together.