Gnet And The Temple Of Trolls

[Corpsey]

Freakin' brilliant. I'm having a hard time keeping up with the multiple stories here. I'm visualizing all the various tubes that could connect the internet with reality and the internet-disasters that could occur. Is this a Serial-Experiments-Lain kind of cross-dimensional-universe internet or something completely different?

[Versus]

I picture it like an episode of Futurama. Maybe that's just me.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by Despanan

Apathy and SCC are the second string Desp and Kontan.

They are the Go-Bots to our Transformers.

Yeah, you two were born to play the comic relief. Me, I'm star material. That's why none of your stories will EVER be as good as the zombapocalypse.

Now pipe down or I'll have Saya kill Jilly.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Corpsey

Freakin' brilliant. I'm having a hard time keeping up with the multiple stories here. I'm visualizing all the various tubes that could connect the internet with reality and the internet-disasters that could occur. Is this a Serial-Experiments-Lain kind of cross-dimensional-universe internet or something completely different?

I think you're overestimating how much thought I'm putting into this. So, uh, lets say its a cross between Reboot and the Mines of Moria.

[Saya]

GROUP CLIMBS DOWN A LADDER TO A PITCH DARK CRYPT, AS THEY LAND ON THE FLOOR THEY REALIZE THE ENTIRE CRYPT IS COVERED IN KNEE DEEP WATER.

SCC: Ew, its wet down here. And dark. This adventure sucks.

Vin: Gah! I think something brushed against my leg!

Saya: [yelps] Me too! Oh crap, oh crap, I hate underwater things.

Versus: Saya, I know you're scared, but can you let go of my ass?

SCC: Oh, uh, sorry, thought you were Apathy.

Apathy: I'd grab your ass but I don't know where I am!

Versus: Hang on guys. [Finds a lighter in his pocket, and flicks it open]

LIGHT REVEALS THAT AT THE END OF A CHAMBER IS A LONG DARK TUNNEL. FURTHERMORE, THE WATER IS TEEMING WITH EELS AND JAWLESS FISH.

Saya: OH FUCK I HATE FISH I HATE FISH [scrambles onto Versus's manly, strong back]

Versus: [bears her weight easily] Alright, you can stay there, but you hold the lighter [hands it to her]

Apathy: Jesus, Saya, what kind of hero are you? We should have brought Honeythorn instead.

Saya: Is that an axolotl on your shoulder?

Apathy: [screams like a banshee and wigs out] GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!

Vin: Ssssh! You guys hear that?!

FOOTSTEPS ARE HEARD COMING FROM THE TUNNEL. A MAN EMERGES, AND THE GROUP LOOKS ON IN HORROR, AS THE MAN HAS LAMPREY JAWS WHERE HIS EYES SHOULD BE.

Twitch: Oh, its you.

ALL AVERT THEIR EYES.

Saya: Twitch, what are you doing down here?

Twitch: This is where I live now, the eels are the only ones who...who don't look away in disgust.

Vin: That's very sad. [still will not bring her eyes to his hideous form]

Twitch: It is, and now there's this group snooping around in here who try to kill me every time I approach.

Saya: Who are they?

Twitch: I have no idea. I overheard them saying something about some guy's foreskin, but that's about it.

GROUP SUDDENLY RAISE THEIR EYES TO FACE HIM.

Saya: Take us to them! They're probably talking about The Holy Prepuce!!

Twitch: If you promise to defend me if they attack again, follow me.

THE GROUP FOLLOW TWITCH DOWN THE TUNNEL, TRYING TO THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS AS THE EELS GET UP CLOSE AND INTIMATE WITH THEIR LEGS AS THEY WALK. APATHY BURIES HIS HEAD IN SCC'S SHOULDER, TRYING TO IGNORE THE AXOLOTLS SLITHERING ALL OVER THE TUNNEL'S WALLS. EVENTUALLY, AND WITH MUCH RELIEF, THEY COME UPON DRY GROUND.

Twitch: Okay, they're not far now, remember your prom- [is interrupted by an arrow being shot through his head]

Saya: Oh...we...kinda suck. [hops down from Versus's back, and hands him the lighter as she takes the whip from her belt] Okay, things are going to get ugly.

ARROW WHIZES TOWARDS HER AND SHE MERELY SNAPS IT OUT OF THE AIR WITH A CRACK OF THE WHIP. SHE TUMBLES FORWARD TOWARDS THE ASSAILANT, A MAN IN A DARK ROBE, PUNCHES HIM IN THE NUTS, AND CHOKES HIM WITH THE WHIP WHILE HE'S DOWN. ALL LOOK AT HER WITH SURPRISE AND SHOCK.

Apathy: Holy shit!

Vin: Saya! What..

SCC: Why..

Saya: Oh please. I may be the resident bleeding heart, but lets not forget what Gnet is all about. You can't be there as long as I have without learning to fight without honour or mercy.

Versus: What are you talking about?

Saya: What it means to be a member on Gnet. To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

ALL CONSIDER HER POINT.

Vin: Suddenly, that makes everything clear.

END SCENE.

Author's note: It occurs to me that since you can't actually see them, you might not get the full gross out effect of jawless fish or eels. You might think its a pretty sissy thing. Well fuck you, and I'm including pictures in an attempt to help the gross out effect.

EELS ARE SCARY



JAWLESS FISH ARE DISGUSTING



AXOLOTLS ARE KINDA CUTE BUT APATHY TOLD ME THEY GROSS HIM OUT SO I PUT THEM IN ANYWAY

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Axolotls are adorable! I wanna huggle the one in that picture! : D

[Solumina]

Axolotls are totally adorable and have pretty unusual characteristics (like being able to spend their whole lives in the adolescent state, although some do fully mature, as well as being able to quickly regenerate lost limbs) but they are highly endangered.

I also agree with Saya that fish can be really gross, some fish are cute but the jawless ones are all really creepy.

[Renatus]

I have to say this is definitely one interesting story. I am admittedly curious to see if I will have a part.

[Apathy's_Child]

They are so not cute. They've all fucking spongey and have serial killer grins. That thing will murder your family while you sleep.

[Versus]

Eels taste fucking amazing.

The only things that come to mind as gross to me are barbeque chicken and menstruation. Is that typical of me?

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Versus

Eels taste fucking amazing.

The only things that come to mind as gross to me are barbeque chicken and menstruation. Is that typical of me?

SHIT. A pool of menstrual blood would have been fantastically gross.

[MissCheyenne]

Originally Posted by Saya

Saya: What it means to be a member on Gnet. To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

FUCK YES, Conan. I love you Saya.

[Saya]

I was hoping someone would get it <3

[Versus]

Originally Posted by Saya

SHIT. A pool of menstrual blood would have been fantastically gross.

I just shuddered a little bit. I try to be a little grown up about it. I've finally managed to go through a checkout line indifferent that I have only a box of tampons in my hand. I used to buy a newspaper exlusively to wrap around it.

I just don't want to talk about it so I can pretend it doesn't exist.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Versus

I just shuddered a little bit. I try to be a little grown up about it. I've finally managed to go through a checkout line indifferent that I have only a box of tampons in my hand. I used to buy a newspaper exlusively to wrap around it.

I just don't want to talk about it so I can pretend it doesn't exist.

What a sweetie you are, buying tampons.

I just typed like ten different things but can't say any of them because they will gross you out :3

[Renatus]

Originally Posted by Saya

What a sweetie you are, buying tampons.

I just typed like ten different things but can't say any of them because they will gross you out :3

I've never really understood what the big deal about buying tampons is. By doing so you're being helpful, and you're sort of showing off that there is a woman in your life that you care about(at least in some cases). The only downside I could think of is as possibly appearing to be less of a man, but I think this is countered by the fact that its could qualify as the stereotypical male provider scenario. Women have periods, I just don't get what the big deal is about helping them through it.

[Saya]

I get its embarrassing even if there's no logic behind it, I used to get embarrassed, although I think it had to do with the cute cashier knowing I was shedding my uterine wall. Sexy. I wouldn't really think to ask a boyfriend to pick some up for me.

I know guys who are really squeamish with periods, though. I once threw a CLEAN UNUSED tampon at a friend of mine, and he freaked.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Would tampons work as emergency absorbers for a knifing wound?

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by Sir Canvas Corpsey

Would tampons work as emergency absorbers for a knifing wound?

No, they absorbe too well, for wounds other than an ax wound you want light absorbtion so a panty liner would work much better.


My brother has a complete phobia of tampons. I was able to lay claim to all of the shelves in our shared bathroom just by placing a box of tampons on each shelf, once that box touched a shelf all of his stuff just got moved away and never got moved back, even when the box had been moved.

[Renatus]

Originally Posted by Solumina

No, they absorbe too well, for wounds other than an ax wound you want light absorbtion so a panty liner would work much better.


My brother has a complete phobia of tampons. I was able to lay claim to all of the shelves in our shared bathroom just by placing a box of tampons on each shelf, once that box touched a shelf all of his stuff just got moved away and never got moved back, even when the box had been moved.

I hate to imagine what would happen should someone leave a tampon everywhere he goes.

[Solumina]

He would shut himself up in his room and never leave. Should a tampon find its way into his room he would curl up in a corner and cry.

[Saya]

CAMERA CUTS TO SAYA WITH HER THUMBS IN THE EYES OF ANOTHER ROBED MAN. HER SIDEKICKS KEEP THEIR DISTANCE FROM HER WITH A GROWING CONCERN FOR HER MENTAL HEALTH.

Saya: Where is the Holy Prepuce?

Robed Man: [passes out from shock]

Saya: Gah. [tosses him aside. Suddenly, hears footsteps from a nearby passage, and waits with her whip at the ready.]

ANOTHER ROBED MAN ENTERS.

Robed Man #3: Wait! [holds up his hands] I think we can talk.

Saya: Who are you? What are you doing down here? Where is Humane Pain?

Despanan: [removes his hood] For fucks sake, Saya, did you kill EVERYONE?!

Apathy: Oh good, I can step down from the position of comic relief [relieved sigh]

Vin: But why are you in an eel infested crypt running around looking like the grim reaper?

Despanan: Oh, this get up? Well, since the collapse of the internet, I figured maybe, just maybe, if I could gather enough followers, and we prayed really hard, Mir will hear our pleas.

SCC: ...Aren't you an atheist?

Despanan: Mir is beyond God! We are all Mir! [becomes gripped with the fervour of a fanatic] Everything is a sockpuppet of Mir!

Vin: Poor thing, he's probably gone mad from being unable to troll.

Saya: So you came down here to troll...eels?

Despanan: They are not merely eels! They are sockpuppets!

Versus: Wait, where is Kontan? Why isn't he with you?

Despanan: [holds back tears] We were...we were...separated. Humane said he'd go find him for me, but he hasn't been back...

Saya: So you saw Humane? Where did he go?

Despanan: Last I heard from Kontan, he was heading to Facebook, and I haven't been able to find access to it. Humane said he'd look there, but it was ages ago [sighs dramatically] Damn! If only there were a group of adventurers, lets say between levels 1-5, who could help me!

SAYA LOOKS TO HER GROUP, ALL SHRUG AT EACH OTHER.

Saya: Yeah, we have to go find Humane anyway. Why don't you come with us?

Despanan: Who will call out to Mir while I'm gone?! If we can't find Mir, we're all doomed! DOOOOOOOOMED [grabs Saya by the shoulders and shakes her] DOOOOOOOOOooooOOOMED!

Saya: Okay okay, we'll send Kontan back here. Weirdo.

Despanan: Fantastic. You can return to the surface with that exit over there.

Versus: Uh...Where?

Despanan: You know. There. The exit never seen until you need it and gets you to where you need to be.

ALL TURN TOWARDS THE NONDESCRIPT EXIT, OPEN THE DOOR AND LOOK OUT.

Saya: Oh hey, Myspace.

[Despanan]

Despanan: Oh, this get up? Well, since the collapse of the internet, I figured maybe, just maybe, if I could gather enough followers, and we prayed really hard, Mir will hear our pleas.

SCC: ...Aren't you an atheist?

Despanan: Mir is beyond God! We are all Mir! [becomes gripped with the fervour of a fanatic] Everything is a sockpuppet of Mir!

Despanan: Last I heard from Kontan, he was heading to Facebook, and I haven't been able to find access to it. Humane said he'd look there, but it was ages ago [sighs dramatically] Damn! If only there were a group of adventurers, lets say between levels 1-5, who could help me!

Awesome.

I can't help but wonder, did Kontan go to facebook because he Ragequit?

[Saya]

...Yeah, sure. >.>

Again, you guys overestimate how much thought I put into this.

[CuckooTuli]

Bahahaha. Glad to see someone's still at it.

Yes, my italics reek of passive-aggressive aspersion-casting, give a fuck. I could weep when I remember the one-time greatness the porn thread.