A Question on Friends

Lady_Lacrimosa_Umbrae · 05-06-2007, 10:14 AM

I have a question in my head for quite a long time and I can't find an answer, I would like you guys to give me advice (if you want), or just drop your thoughts on the subject:

You see, I live in a small town, where the population of goths is truly rare, not to say inexistent. Of course I have friends who are not "Goth", but rather fit more into the "heavy", or "rocker", or "geek", or "simply freaky people" categories. (Of course those are labels, I know, but I need them to make myself easily understood).
For some reason, Goth has been, lets say, "into fashion" within some of these groups for some time now; resulting in people saying they're Goth and using the stetic because they like manga or because they listen to heavy music. I guess they're posers somehow, and it is truly unnerving; but still they are not the typical posers who listen to Marylin Manson and cut themselves. They're nice people, and some of them are my friends.
My dilemma is: Should I tell them that they are posers somehow? (They are not trying to pose, they're being who they are, the thing is that they believe they're "Goth" when they're not). Should I play the poser-slayer and rant endlessly about their behavior? I think they might get angry if I tell them that they're not goth (For some reason that I don't understand, 'cause the fact that they're not goths does not make them bad people). Or should I let them go on like this even if I am unnerved; even if I know that they will find that any, lets say "True Goth" will depise them if they ever go outside of this little miniature world that is my town?

Any ideas?

KontanKarite · 05-06-2007, 10:21 AM

I wouldn't worry about it. Being goth is a lifestyle, essentially. Let children play their games. If it makes them happy, then let them be.They either learn or they grow out of it. And if it REALLY unnerves you, then just tell them that they are SOOOO GOTH. It's condescending, I know, but it'll keep them quiet.

Lapin · 05-06-2007, 10:35 AM

(waves hand) Give 'em three more months. They'll move on to the next style. Until then, just smile and nod.

Aaroneet · 05-06-2007, 04:27 PM

Yeah, I have a friend who saw that I belonged to a counterculture. She attempted to copy my music listening habits, and attire. The only problem is that I was, in fact, a mixed-up alternateen who wanted to belong to a counterculture, but approached achieving my goals the wrong way (i.e I didn't have the slightest inkling who Bauhaus was). I quickly changed my lifestyle (i.e I learned who Bauhaus was), to fit the Gothic subculture, not for the sake of simply obtaining a label, but to find happiness within myself. I am more satisfied with myself than I was, but my friend has adopted my former, "alternateen" habits. I have not told her that I have changed, or that I disagree with what she listens to, or apparel choices (i.e wearing Hot Topic clothing). Rather, I let it slide, colloquially speaking, because I know that it makes her happy. And I remember that once, not so long ago, I was her.

alshio · 05-06-2007, 06:50 PM

I wouldn’t rant endlessly about their behavior – you’ll loose friends like that. If their just following a fashion trend then bide your time because in a couple of months there will be a new trend for them to follow.

However some of my first experiences with ‘Goth’ were through fashion. I saw some Goths and though they looked really cool. I started searching and found out I also like other aspects of Gothic culture so maybe some of your friends will be the same. Try sharing some Goth culture with them and see if they like it.

MollyMac · 05-06-2007, 07:23 PM

As long as no one is harmed, just let people have the freedom to dress, act, live as they choose- fad or not; poseur or Edgar Allen Fucking Poe himself. Why?

So they will do the same to you.

Mir · 05-06-2007, 07:26 PM

Maybe not. Human's are fickle.

MollyMac · 05-06-2007, 07:31 PM

Let them be fickle and eat cake and die and swell and explode. I'd rather set an example by letting it be rather than spout an opinion that no one really asked for, ya know? So much shit could be avoided if more people just let shit be or let it roll off their backs like mercury.

Mir · 05-06-2007, 07:34 PM

I could care less what people think of me. You HAVE to be comfortable with yourself as a person and all turns out well. Always.

MollyMac · 05-06-2007, 07:57 PM

True, true.

... and, so just as some here are Uber comfy in their TRUE Gothiness, some people are just as comfortable with the ever changing world of faddishness and trends. Why inform them of anything other than what they are apparently comfortable with? If they wanted to know, they could ask or just look it up.

Splitting unasked hairs reeks of insecurity.

Underwater Ophelia · 05-07-2007, 10:33 AM

If you do tell them, they might not even care.
Or worse, they might just get angry at you and pull the whole "how do you know" thing. I'd say if for some reason it's really bothering you, bring it up, but if not, just let it go.

badteccy · 05-07-2007, 04:10 PM

Let it go, it's not worth it.

Lady_Lacrimosa_Umbrae · 05-10-2007, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MollyMac

...people have the freedom to dress, act, live as they choose...

I never doubted they do, I was just wondering if these friends I'm talking about should be encouraged to discover certain things about a subculture the claim to like but know nothing about, and about the world in general.

However, poser or whatever, they're still my friends, so I suppose better just let them be and hope the fashion will go away soon. Or I can leave this town soon, that's the B option :P

Underwater Ophelia · 05-10-2007, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady_Lacrimosa_Umbrae

I never doubted they do, I was just wondering if these friends I'm talking about should be encouraged to discover certain things about a subculture the claim to like but know nothing about, and about the world in general.

However, poser or whatever, they're still my friends, so I suppose better just let them be and hope the fashion will go away soon. Or I can leave this town soon, that's the B option :P

The point is they still like something else. It's not like they're trying to like goth; they just like something else and call it goth.

For instance, if you liked burgers, but called them hot dogs...you'd still want a burger.

KontanKarite · 05-10-2007, 04:08 PM

Which is still rather annoying, but what ever.

Underwater Ophelia · 05-10-2007, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Which is still rather annoying, but what ever.

Yeah, I agree completely. I didn't mean it's not annoying, I meant it's pointless to give them hot dogs. I mean, they can try it, I guess, but they might just get pissed off at her pointing out that they were wrong about the goth thing.

Lady_Lacrimosa_Umbrae · 05-11-2007, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

The point is they still like something else. It's not like they're trying to like goth; they just like something else and call it goth.

For instance, if you liked burgers, but called them hot dogs...you'd still want a burger.

Yeah, that was just my point ^_^ I was afraid I might have explained myself wrong.

KontanKarite · 05-11-2007, 12:02 PM

The best way to educate gloom cookies and doom cookies is to take them to gothic events. When they show up and realize that MCR isn't being played and the DJ laughs at them when they request HIM, they'll rethink their allegiances.

JuliaSeizure · 05-12-2007, 10:01 PM

For most of your friends, they're going through a phase that will pass when the newest and latest one comes along. Those types tend to jump on the bandwagon of whatever the latest "in" thing is. I wouldn't bother to say anything about them being poseurs..they probably wouldn't know what the word meant anyway.

And there's really no telling if they are being such. When you think about it, everyone has their own idea of what "goth" is, or anything else for that matter. Some might argue that they're being truly unique by not following the stereotypical definiton of what it's suppose to be. What is goth to you, may not be what is goth to them. So on and so forth.

If they're good friends and you enjoy their company, just be happy with that. At least you have people in your corner. It shouldn't really matter what they are on the outside when how they treat you is so much more important.

Kraven de Sade · 05-13-2007, 06:55 AM

Well, what do you consider "goth" to be? You don't have to answer that, it's just a rhetorical question. In any case, ask yourself, find your answer, and discuss it with your friends. Perhaps they really are goth, and you just haven't realized it as of yet. Or maybe they're goth influenced, in which case they aren't goth, but they aren't posers, either. You never know. Just talk to them, then you'll find out.

maggot · 05-13-2007, 07:27 AM

I think I may very well be the closest thing to an actual goth here, too.

There's my ex, who when we were friends, copied how I dressed and whatnot, but she's the biggest poseur ever. I want to shoot her on occasion.

Especially when she enters the school in obviously fake corsets (I.E. a wide piece of semi-stiff cloth).

She gives different people different reasons on why she's "Goth." To me it was "Oh, I lost my virginity at 13." as if she's dismayed by it, which she isn't.
To others she gives "I LIKE VAMPIRES AND HAVE A BITING FETISH!!!! LET ME BITE YOU! IM SO GOTH LOLOLOL"

Did you notice she bugs me?

I just let them be. Why spoil their fun? They'll grow out of it eventually.

Vako · 05-13-2007, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

The best way to educate gloom cookies and doom cookies is to take them to gothic events. When they show up and realize that MCR isn't being played and the DJ laughs at them when they request HIM, they'll rethink their allegiances.

Ha! "gloom cookies" and "doom cookies". That's hilarious!