Being shy

[Noumi]

I hate and I'm sick of being shy. It's like I can't do anything, there's always something stopping me and holding me back. I've been introverted since I was very young and nothing has really helped me solve this. I'm 20 years old and for some reason I can't approach to people and have a proper conversation because I can't even look at them in the eyes. So I want to know, why does this happen? Is it something you're born with and you can't completely get rid of it? Is there anybody here with the same problem? I'm so desperate, sorry, I had to share this somewhere.

[Methadrine]

You can get rid of it. My tip is to look up CBT treatment with a psychologist.

It's not as scary as it sounds, and you probably gain some friends with similar problems in the process if you go for group treatment.

[Noumi]

Yup, I've seen a psychologist before but things didn't go that well after he made me do some exercises I just hated...
>_<

[Man In Room 5]

Originally Posted by Noumi

Yup, I've seen a psychologist before but things didn't go that well after he made me do some exercises I just hated...
>_<

What did he want you to do, if you don't mind me asking? Was it something you had to do and then report back to him about? Maybe it wasn't actually doing the exercises that you hated but discussing it with him? Is it something you can do now without talking to someone about them? Or maybe something you can change a little to make it more comfortable?

I was just thinking that a lot of shrinks want people to keep notes and share them, and the keeping notes part is OK but it's the sharing them with others that bugs people.

[Noumi]

It was a simple thing, he just wanted me to go to public places and events and meet people, but I just couldn't. That was a long time ago anyways..

[Man In Room 5]

Wow. Actually, that's pretty lame advice. That's like someone saying, "I have a fear of cats" and the shrink says, "I think you should buy a cat." No wonder it didn't work.

[sibyl vane.]

Yeah, that sucks. I used to be pretty shy too. I don't know shit about psychiatry but I know of a few tricks you can use to help with social anxiety. Like taking the time to breathe more deeply, speak more slowly, smile more, etc. If you can learn to act at ease, you can learn to be truly at ease - or so I've found.

[Saya]

I'd ask your therapist something like "well thats all good, but I need to know how to approach people." I found that growing up introverted I didn't really know how to talk to people when I decided to try and be more extroverted. I'm sorry I don't have a good tip, I just kinda threw myself out there and learned as I went. I found once I moved to the city and started working it was really good because I was working with people I didn't know but its easy I find it make friends with coworkers. Eventually I started making friends with classmates too, and got brave enough to attend attend both social and political events and soon I'm going to spend a lot of time volunteering at a **** crisis center (that really helps too, being really passionate about something so much that it gives you the courage to not be afraid).

[Still Jack]

Drink more.
On a more serious note, I think it's really just the barrier of talking to people, for instance if you feel intimidated or stupid while talking to people. Just pretend you're talking to someone you've known all your life.

[Anarasha]

What I did was observe strangers for a long time.
I am far from done with my development, but I can now handle strangers talking to me.
The only thing that has kept me from being completely lonely has been meeting people online.
I have met someone online, and then later we met in real life. That helped me a lot.
Perhaps you could do this too?

[Noumi]

Thanks a lot guys ^^
And yup, I've done that before, I've met someone online and then met them in real life, that really works. Pretending that I've known a person all my life seems a good idea too so I'll try that. I've decided I will just stop thinking too much and let things go. I really have to do something because me being shy is starting to affect my performance in school and will soon affect my career if I don't stop it.

[Man In Room 5]

I probably have some books in .pdf that may help you too but at the moment I'm trying to recover the drive they're on. If I get it recovered I'll see what I have to offer.

[Ben Lahnger]

You're getting some decent advise for free here, all things considered. I wish you could get more professional help. And I'm in agreement with everyone else that the therapist you had did NOT know what they were doing.

[Anarasha]

The sad truth is that a lot of therapists are like that I am afraid.
I once had a therapist when I was severely depressed who did not read my journal, did not bother looking at me when talking to me(he was looking at his feet) and went on to blaming my mother who had done nothing but good for me.
On top of that, the woman who was supposed to take over responsibility for my medication had no idea that anti depressants had side effects. When I mentioned one that I had gotten, she snapped at me that it was not an actual side effect and that it was impossible. I went on to pointing at the pill bottle where it stated that same side effect. Also, when I demanded to be pulled off them, she told me to go down to half dose one week and then stop. My head hurt for months.
I have had a few good ones too though.

[Devil Tiger]

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

You're getting some decent advise for free here, all things considered. I wish you could get more professional help. And I'm in agreement with everyone else that the therapist you had did NOT know what they were doing.

I am not so sure about that. It sounds like this last encounter got him a little pissed off. And that is a the first step toward realizing self worth. Like the Doc Breaking eye contact and the Nurse going fricken postal. sounds like they are trying Reverse Psychology. Using provocation to spur you to action and rekindle self-esteem. That is what one might call: a Clue! Truth is, the only person who can truly help you; is YOU! That is why it is called " SELF-ESTEEM ". like the song says;

"This is your Life This is your Your Fucking LIFE! Lets get over it ... Lets move on".

BTW, I do hope you are feeling better. We really are all pulling for you. Perhaps try the Martial Arts, that is a great way to learn and build confidence. And best of luck.

[Solumina]

I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience with your therapist, unfortunately most introverts in the field work on the research side so most therapist don't have a clue what introverts are really like. In fact many of them seem to think that introverts avoid social interaction simply because they want to avoid it, which is most likely why he had you do that exercise where you were supposed to go out and talk to people.

Honestly one of the best ways to kind of "break" your shyness is to volunteer in your community. You will have a task so if you aren't talking it isn't awkward and it gives you something to focus on but you will still be around a lot of new people. You will get practice interacting simply by asking for or offering help and simple hellos. As time progresses you wont get so nervous meeting people and you can start making small talk and them moving on to more meaningful conversations.

You will still be somewhat nervous meeting people and you are always going to be an introvert but that is okay. Not everyone needs a high level of social interaction as long as you can be comfortable in normal social situations and you can reach out to people when you want to.

Best of luck!

[Noumi]

Thank you all for the advices.
=)