Emotion-A poem.

[Lydia Deetz]

My class got cancelled today and it's raining too heavy to bother going out(plus I'm still without a job. Still trying, but not today). So, after going through my flash drive for a bit, I came across some old poems I wrote when I was going through a rough time in my life. I really just wrote them to help understand some of the mess that was going on my head, but after reading them again after so long, I'd forgotten how emotional they were. A lot of my feelings have changed from what I wrote and some were self reflective resulting in an epiphany.

I decided to take a chance and post them here(one a at time for whenever I log in) as a test to myself. To see have much I've grown as a person. I'm just going down list of how they're arranged in my flash drive's folder. I warn you, I have a tendency to write long poems, but I have some shorter ones too.

Anyway, give me some opinions and/or construction criticisms. I can take it.

This one is called Emotion.


They say being able to feel emotions
Is what makes you human
It is encouraged

Because without them
You would be heartless
A lifeless being that is just existing

I feel because I am human
It's what I'm supposed to do
But my emotions have caused me more harm than good
So much that I don't know whether to hate them or love them

When I feel even a little bit of happiness
Allowing myself to hope and even have faith
It is taken away from me
Leaving me with bitter disappointment and disillusionment

When I feel sad or hurt
And decide to show it with my tears
It's seen as being weak
Making those around me take pleasure in hurting me even more

When I feel and show compassion or empathy
Others take advantage of it
Seeing it as yet another sign of weakness
To try and manipulate me for their own benefit

When I feel love; friendship or romantic
It is never returned
I am never good enough
They always find someone better
Sometimes, I think that I'm unlovable

When I feel hate
I am told not to feel it
That it's wrong to hate a person

That your supposed to love everyone
Flaws and all
That's true in some cases

But not all of them
There are just some people
Who are too far gone
To forgive and forget

When I feel anger
I become violent and irrational
So not like myself

I can't be around others when I'm angry
I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself
For allowing my anger take over

Anger is my worst emotion
And the one I hate the most
The one I fear the most

That one day I will completely lose control
And hurt someone really bad
I try to avoid feeling anger as much as possible
It's the hardest emotion for me to control

Half of me wants to repress my emotions
So that I can stop hurting and letting myself get hurt
Yet, the other half of me wants to keep my humanity
To enjoy life even though it has been very cruel to me

Being human is so hard
But I don't want to be a lifeless piece of nothing either
Though it would seem blissful if I was

[deathbycherries]

I think it's good to look back and reflect on things, your poem is profound and it masks nothing of reality. I can relate to your thoughts.

[DDX]

I enjoyed it a lot. It's somewhat similar to what I've been going through. And being able to see my feelings put into words made me feel a bit better. I thank you for that.

[Lydia Deetz]

deathbycherries: That's what I go for when I write. I've never been able to feel anything from poems that use old english and/or heavily rely on rhymes. I enjoy reading and writing poetry that glimspes into the author's mind without it sounding overly dramatic and/or fancy. Like you said, cold hard reality.

DDX: You're welcome even though that wasn't my intention. Poetry is more than just a hobby for me. It's the only way I can express my feelings into words without it sounding jumbled up, corny, and/or awkward. I may not seem like it, but I'm very awkward in real life.

[DDX]

I'm fully aware of that. But I just wanted you to know that you made a difference in somebody through your work.

I personally believe what you're able to put in text closely defines the real you. After all it's much less complicated than operating a human body which can take decades if not a whole lifetime to master. But sometimes there's a lack of control, like how I'm saying gibberish right now. Anyway, thanks a lot. I'll be looking forward to reading your other works.

[vindicatedxjin]

Clown shoes.

[deathbycherries]

Originally Posted by Lydia Deetz

deathbycherries: That's what I go for when I write. I've never been able to feel anything from poems that use old english and/or heavily rely on rhymes. I enjoy reading and writing poetry that glimspes into the author's mind without it sounding overly dramatic and/or fancy. Like you said, cold hard reality.

DDX: You're welcome even though that wasn't my intention. Poetry is more than just a hobby for me. It's the only way I can express my feelings into words without it sounding jumbled up, corny, and/or awkward. I may not seem like it, but I'm very awkward in real life.

That kind of poetry is what I can appreciate more. I'm trying to get better at just expressing reality for what it is, and not to over-exaggerate. I think sometimes we exaggerate pain because it's hard to convey in simple terms.

[Apathy's_Child]

Okay, can we all quit being all deferential and just admit that this sucks?

[Lydia Deetz]

*laughs* People sure have been trying to piss me off lately.

I don't care that you don't like my poem, but you're pathetic to try and demand that everyone else should conform to your immature way of thinking. That was just a wasted post. If you claim it "sucks" so much, you could have at least made the effort to explain why. I'd really love to hear it, but I forget people like you think you're too good for that.

Insecurity is a wonderful thing around here isn't it?

[OnyxBat]

Nice poem, It shows things people dont really think about in life.

Well you did ask for opinions, and he did give you an opinion. You didnt like it but it is still an opinion.

[Lydia Deetz]

I asked for constructive criticism. Not that person's immature and arrogant waste of a post. There's a difference.

[Martyr]

"When I feel love; friendship or romantic
It is never returned
I am never good enough
They always find someone better
Sometimes, I think that I'm unlovable"

So true. Nice poem, you have my respect.

[OnyxBat]

Originally Posted by Lydia Deetz

I asked for constructive criticism. Not that person's immature and arrogant waste of a post. There's a difference.

constructive criticism and Opinion, but whatev. Nice work anyways.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

This'd be better off as just a monologue of thought, it barely has rhythm, thematically it sorts of flows but the language doesn't... it's just so... clunky... and boring.

Lydia don't be so arrogant yourself, there's no reason anyone has to answer to you or your demands. What's immature about asking for a consensus to hold the circle jerk and admit to the 'cold hard reality' that a piece of work is bad?

If you want cold hard reality and fantastic writing, then read some Bukowski, hopefully, you'll notice the difference and learn something.

[Noirette]

Originally Posted by Sir Canvas Corpsey

This'd be better off as just a monologue of thought, it barely has rhythm, thematically it sorts of flows but the language doesn't... it's just so... clunky... and boring.

Lydia don't be so arrogant yourself, there's no reason anyone has to answer to you or your demands. What's immature about asking for a consensus to hold the circle jerk and admit to the 'cold hard reality' that a piece of work is bad?

If you want cold hard reality and fantastic writing, then read some Bukowski, hopefully, you'll notice the difference and learn something.

Gothic.net should add that Facebook application of "liking" posts.

Lydia, it is a monologue in short lines. And short lines won't make it poetry. "A sum of words in their most aestheic way of writing" is one definition I like for poetry. I believe you could see for yourself how your monologue doesn't fit.
Read about poetry, study it. Don't write something that would've shamed a poet and then go defending it in the name of your lack of knowledge. Great poets have left us their works not only to enjoy them, but to study them and larn from them.

[Apathy's_Child]

Shit, I keep finding drunk posts I don't remember making.

Okay - I stand by my original point, but to be fair, it IS kind of a dick move to drop a comment like that without providing CC alongside. So if you're interested, Lydia, here's what I see as the problem with yuor work (and not just in this poem). It's narcissistic, self-indulgent, and does nothing new with the tired old format of the teenager-y rant. The best advice I could give you is also the most basic: show, don't tell.

For example, you talk about how people have seen your tears as weakness when you've shown emotion in the past. Isn't there an incident you could pick out that illustrates this, to write about? Off the top of my head - you're upset, the other person's face closes, you turn away, your eyes dry. Only you need to find a creative way to tell that story without actually doing the reader's whole job for them, and spelling out every little thing. When you're so damn explicit, there's little point reading - you've not giving the reader the chance to get anything ouit of it for themselves. Try using an image or an event to depict the emotion it inspired, rather than just writing a poem which is essentially a list of different ways you feel at different times, and uses no poetic devices whatsoever. As Noirette has pointed uot, breaking prose down into shorter lines doesn't make good poetry. There is a HELL of a lot more to it than that.

If writing is purely a personal and cathartic experience for you, and you don't care to cater to any idea of a reader, that's fine and feel free to ignore this advice. I am however baffled as to why you would then proceed to post it on a public forum, and you should probably know that if you do so here, people will offer you their thoughts on what's wrong with it.

[OnyxBat]

HAHA Drunk Posts