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Old 06-17-2009, 12:49 AM   #1
FallingInTheBlack
 
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Dumped Because I'm A Goth?

I have a boyfriend, but there have been a few problems recently.

I have been a Goth for a while now, people have started noticing, and my friends are ok with it. But my boyfriend is not so accepting.

When ever he sees me in black clothes, he has to comment. ''Don't wear all black'' and stuff like that, basically moaning.

I now want to dye my hair black, but I'm not sure he'll like that very much. I'm starting to think ''Stuff him'' because this is who I am. I don't care if he don't like my taste in music and clothes. I love him, but I cannot let him get in the way of what I want to do.

Some of my friends even tried to change what I wear at one point, because everytime they see me I'm in black clothing. They also did not like me wanting to dye my hair, suggesting other colours, but I'm not listening. They seem to have got the message now, it's just my boyfriend.

I used to be very shy, and when we had non-uniform days at school, I would try to find something that was not black or anything to wear. Now I am passed caring what people think. I've been called an Emo alot, but that's just wrong.

Anyway, I just want to be accepted for who I am. But as ever, no one will do that. So it's just a case of stuff what they think.
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Old 06-17-2009, 01:05 AM   #2
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Dude... I've had a problem like this for a while. I don't see why people should care so much.
I don't have a go at people for wearing what they want so why should they?
If your boyfriend can't accept it, that's his problem.
If acceptance is what you're looking for, you're not in the right place.
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Old 06-17-2009, 01:16 AM   #3
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Some day you'll remember these days and you'll think "dear god, I dressed like an idiot"
But if you stop 'being goth' and rather 'comply' with your boyfriend, you'll remember these days and think "dead god, I was such a loser"

It's a lose lose situation.
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Old 06-17-2009, 01:42 AM   #4
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Wear what you want, if he can't accept what you wear then he isn't worth your time.
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Old 06-17-2009, 03:59 AM   #5
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I've never been able to figure out why people get so offended about things as menial as :"Don't wear black all the time". I mean, it's not exactly: "I hope your grandmother gets ***** by syphilitic dogs" now is it?
Even if he is your boyfriend, just let it go. Just retort with things like : " Don't wear so much (insert colour of choice)".
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Old 06-17-2009, 05:13 AM   #6
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Sounds like you need bigger problems in life.
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Old 06-17-2009, 05:51 AM   #7
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Just start drinking shitloads of coffee, listen to the Sisters of Mercy, hang around the back of the school and call everyone (especially your boyfriend) a conformist.
Works for the South Park kids.
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Old 06-17-2009, 06:58 AM   #8
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If you want to dye your hair black, that's cool, but be aware that you don't have to dye it black in order to be Goth, and it may be that your friends think you'd look better with another kind of outrageous hair color: bright pink, purple, red, white, a mix of any or all of these and more, etc.

As far as the clothing thing goes, yeah, folks are going to say something just because most folks aren't down with alt styles. If you want more ideas and support, check out a few of the links in my sig.
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Old 06-17-2009, 07:25 AM   #9
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Don't dye your hair black.
Not because it's "too goth," of course, but because your mother didn't pay good money for the towels you'll destroy when you do.
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Old 06-17-2009, 07:47 AM   #10
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Ophie has a good point. Either get it done professionally, or make sure you ask your mom which towel she doesn't mind getting ruined.
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Old 06-17-2009, 02:32 PM   #11
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Eh I've never made any mess dyeing my hair and even though I have always used an older, slightly ratty towel the only time that dye got on one was when I had a friend do it and it turned out that she had no idea what she was doing. Plus with the money that you save doing it yourself you could easily replace a towel or two. Just don't go black unless you are sure that you are going to want it that way for a bit cuz black dye is a bitch to get out.
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Old 06-17-2009, 08:46 PM   #12
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Well I've learned over the years that if you just do it then people quit caring, act like it doesn't bother you like it's as plain and simple as the precious pink the cheerleaders worship and strip in.

I'm surrounded by extremist Christians who think ridicule will change me, but just remember when the sun is put out and aliens take over, goths will always survive. Camouflage and all that...*wink-wink* (Ok, maybe it's the pain meds talking... but hey, there's always some truth to everything.)
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Old 06-17-2009, 09:50 PM   #13
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Thanks all.

My mum is also a goth and said black would suit me, but I'm gonna think about another colour, now that the point has been raised.

Beth.
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:25 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raveanya View Post
Well I've learned over the years that if you just do it then people quit caring, act like it doesn't bother you like it's as plain and simple as the precious pink the cheerleaders worship and strip in.

I'm surrounded by extremist Christians who think ridicule will change me, but just remember when the sun is put out and aliens take over, goths will always survive. Camouflage and all that...*wink-wink* (Ok, maybe it's the pain meds talking... but hey, there's always some truth to everything.)
Good to know that you are not a judgmental douche-canoe like the rest of "them". Good to know the bullshit *doesn't* oscillate both ways.

And no, there is not always some truth to everything. Truth is relative and tends to be subjective. And everything is in the realm of fact. Pull your bad dye-job our of your cornhole and read a book sometime.

Ok, maybe that was the pain meds talking.
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Old 06-18-2009, 06:03 AM   #15
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Ha, it's all in the dosage.
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Old 06-18-2009, 12:59 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raveanya View Post
Ha, it's all in the dosage.
It's the truth and you know it.

And OP, you have a serious case of loving your subculture to the point of making it your whole identity more than you love anyone else or anything. Worry less about your future dye job and more about finding a book to read.
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Old 06-18-2009, 04:44 PM   #17
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Don't worry about what other people think, unless you really like the way they dress. If you're BF doesn't like you for who you are then his probably not right for you. Some men can be a bit controlling over what their GF's wear, its usually not a good sign.
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Old 06-20-2009, 12:17 PM   #18
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Hmm...

Best thing to do is dump your man and try wearing less black. Just get glad about mixing and matching colors because solid black IS boring as hell.

However, I can relate. My recent ex always took issue with my wardrobe because she thought it invited danger into our lives. Funny thing was how she admitted that had I looked plainer the first day she met me, she wouldn't have been attracted to me in the least. Then again, she also couldn't sit well with my slightly flamboyant antics and her own homophobia.
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Old 06-20-2009, 12:40 PM   #19
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Not everyone can handle how FAB you are
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Old 06-20-2009, 12:43 PM   #20
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Eh. Shit happens.
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Old 06-20-2009, 12:45 PM   #21
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Just remember
to live long and prosper
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Old 06-24-2009, 09:33 AM   #22
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So people suddenly become goth? =p
I read your story and it seems to me that last week you were a normal persona and now you're a gothy.
Anyway good luck with your bf, maybe he just misses the old you.
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Old 06-24-2009, 10:49 AM   #23
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Boyfriend- ask him why he dislikes your wearing all black so much?

Clothing- tried matching your black with dark red, emerald green, dark purple, silver, pewter, white? It's entirely possible to wear black with other things without suddenly losing all visible vestige of goth fashion. It's entirely possible to be a goth and visibly adhere to the clothing trends without dressing in black at all.

Hair- many other colours than black. Can be a bitch to get out when the roots start showing, too. Have you considered bright or extreme shades like letterbox red, neon pink, silver-blond and dark green, or even just a deep plum shade that's not likely to draw too much adverse attention yet will match well with your choice of dark clothing?
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Old 06-26-2009, 07:42 AM   #24
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I'm rather lucky because as a player of heavy metal it is accepted that I wear black and have long hair, even the "freak bashers" don't bother me anymore.
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Old 07-05-2009, 08:27 AM   #25
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That is um.....unfortunate?
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