Heys, my name is Camille. I'm 13 years old, yeah, go ahead, say I'm a "mall Goth" and a poser and all. But before you do that, let me tell you some stuff about myself.
I always had a fascination with the Goth subculture, but I never knew what it was really about, only that the people dressed all black, and I liked that. I knew my my mom would kill me if I wore all black, but that didn't stop my ten year old self from dreaming. At ten years old, is when I started having a great interest in different things than my family, only I didn't tell them for fear of being judged. I would find sad, yet romantic short stories and read them allowed, crying softly at the tragedies. I found great beauty in dark poems, but nobody knew. I also saw amazing creativity in dead or dying nature, but for some reason I pushed all these things away, fearing it made me weird.
I also owned many bugs between ages 10 and 12. Many odd pets, Madagascar hissing roaches, rats, stink bugs, praying mantises, almost any odd bugs.
Fast-forward to a few months ago. I realized I didn't care what my family thought of me anymore, if they truly loved me they would stick by me. I started listening to "emo" music. Yeah, not Goth, I know, but I liked it. Around that time I also got depressed and started self harming. I hated the feeling of being trapped in my own mind, living in constant darkness. I wore a lot of makeup around that time, and wore not exactly dark, but "emo-ish clothes" I also cut my hair into a more "scene" hairstyle. I just thought all of it was pretty cool!
I had been homeschooled up until the beginning of the second semester of this year, school honestly helped quite a bit. After a few weeks, I became very close with a boy, this boy made me want to live again. I didn't like him in any other way than a friend, but it still hurt when I found out some truths about him. I got worse. A friend told a counselor about my cutting. Everything got worse... But I realized I couldn't let all of this ruin my life. So I pushed on through.
Throughout all this, I would add music artists to my list of favorites. I would research Goth backgrounds, Goth bands, Goth interests, etc. etc. I tried a few bands, such as Bauhaus. But I didn't like them much. I liked Nightwish quite a lot (I know they aren't completely Goth) and grew from there. After a few weeks, I became obsessed with everything dark and Gothic. I would watch Goth videos non-stop, DIY Goth clothes, read everything about them that I could get my hands on, wear darker makeup and lipstick. Sometime during all of this, I realized how confident and happy I had become!
I realized Goth isn't all about dark clothes, drugs, sex, loud music, death, etc. etc. and I am determined to show my family how different it is than they think. The artistic side, the romantic side, the kind side, everything. It has made me a better person as a whole, I used to be quiet and quite rude honestly, but now I am more outgoing and myself and when I catch myself being mean I immediately reprimand myself.
I do not yet consider myself even a "babybat" yet because I feel there is yet much have to learn. I just want to find a place where I am accepted for being me, and where I feel right. Hopefully this is the place. Sorry if I'm a bit young, but I hope to meet many lovely people