Blood on the Walls (Incomplete- First Draft)

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Some of you may not know, but I do in fact belong to the circle of evil that is fanfiction writers, and I've had a certain desire to write various shorts about my characters from games of either the 'sandbox' variety, or at least ones that let you create your own character, games like Dragon Age, Fallout, Oblivion, White Knight Chronicles etc.

Now these works of fiction were intended to fill gaps in character relations (yes that's in part code for sex) to flesh out the protagonists I had played as through these games. Now I never intend to post the full works with sex scenes and all on here, but rather on my designated fiction writing accounts on various sites with an emphasis on this kind of work, however, I felt like sharing part of the current piece I'm working on (my first foray into short story writing in a very long time) on here so I could get some feedback.

To set the stage, this is a fiction based in Dragon Age: Origins, and primarily features a Male, Human Mage Warden, and the mage Jowan, a character who plays an important role in the events of the game regardless of Origin, but who is fleshed out more in the Magi Origin, and thus holds much stronger ties to a Mage Warden. This fanfiction does work off of the assumption that readers have played the game and as such, some things are not explained in great detail or touched upon at all.

This is an incomplete, first draft of 'Blood on the Walls', 'finished' mere moments after about 15 minutes of work. Any and all feedback will be appreciated and considered, especially if related to spelling and grammar.


Blood on the Walls [Draft One 4/3/2011]


The day he met Lily, Salem’s dreams crumbled into nothingness; he was now face to face with an un-climbable obstacle that barred him from his truest desire. Worse still, was that if he distanced himself from Lily and the man she stole from Salem; Jowan, it would mean leaving the man to a fate he did not wish upon anyone. So he helped them as they trued escape, hoping he could too, make a life away from the tower, perhaps with them, or at least, close to Jowan. The day he met Lily, Salem’s re-envisioned dreams crumbled too, caught by Irving and Greagoir so close to achieving escape, Jowan resorted to blood magic he so defiantly proclaimed he did not know of or use and escaped, Lily was sent away, and all Salem could do was follow the Grey Warden Duncan from the tower as the man he loved and his home were stripped away from him in moments.

Strange then, that a long time after his passions would be miraculously re-ignited by one fateful encounter with that lying, whiney, blood mage that he loved. The dungeons of Arl Eamon’s castle in Redcliffe, that was where he saw Jowan again and while the man’s apologizing did nothing for Salem’s pain, his pining re-opening the wounds of that day of desperation he found himself free the man, so that he might do some good amidst all his mistakes. In the end, Connor, Isolde and Teagan were all spared from death’s looming dominion, though Eamon still rife with sickness; Jowan was sent back to the dungeons, until Eamon could be revived and decide upon the Blood Mage’s fate.



Footsteps echoed off the stony walls of the dank dungeon of Redcliffe Castle, as Salem garbed in the vestments of the famous mage; Reaper, proceeded towards Jowan’s cell, a small metal tray in hand, resting on it, a piece of stale bread, some bits of cheese and a wooden mug of water. Rounding the corner, he caught the look of surprise on Jowan’s face when he saw that it was his old friend bringing him his meal instead of the guard.

“Salem? But how did you-?” he blurted out as the metal tray was slipped through one of the larger holes in the grating of his cell’s door.

“I simply spoke to the Teagan and persuaded him to allow me to bring your meal, assuring him that I would set out to find the Urn of Sacred Ashes tomorrow” responded Salem, smiling ruefully at the state of his weathered friend; his complexion pale and frame thin from the lack of food. Jowan had wasted no time in devouring the bread and cheese, guzzling down most of the water before catching the expression on Salem’s face. Salem turned his back to Jowan the moment he did, not wanting to trouble the blood mage with his woes too; even after all this time he still cared for the man, in fact, it might be better to say that even after all this time his love hadn’t waned.

“You were always very persuasive” whispered Jowan, his voice weary, his mind elsewhere; remembering their time together in the tower.

“I was also a thief, taking from others to fill what felt like empty days and a bleak future. Unfortunately it took everything that happened when we tried to escape the tower-“ he began, pausing when he was about to utter the name of that woman who did to him what he had done to so many others in the tower.

“-with Lily, to realize just how much it hurts to have something stolen from you” he finished, his voice wistful and filled less with regret, and more unquenched longing.

“I was an idiot, and you lost so much because of my stupidity, I’m sorry for what I took from you, Salem, I am”

Salem let Jowan’s apology, another in a long list he had received since reuniting with his friend, hang in the air, the cold space of the dungeons silent, save for the breathing of the two mages. Finally, Salem looked over his should, finding Jowan at his cell door, hands grasping the bars, eyes pleading for forgiveness from his friend.

“You know, Jowan, you could escape, you could make me break you out” spoke Salem softly, keeping his eyes locked with the blood mage.

“What? No! I could never, would never, use blood magic to control you Salem! Do you really not trust me-“ replied Jowan in exasperation, appalled by the thought,, however Salem turned to face his friend fully, raising his hand to silence the man. A wry smile twisted Salem’s face between cheekiness and lament, he stepped forward, closing the distance between himself and the cell door, so close he could reach in and touch Jowan if he wished.

“You wouldn’t have to, despite all that’s happened, Jowan, you still mean the world to me, and I would do anything for you”

[Saya]

Two things, one is nitpicking because this is your first draft so it probably just slipped, but "the Teagan", he is Bann Teagan, Teagan being his actual name. No "the" XD

I know its fanfiction but I am one of those nitpickers who know a fandom in and out and I know if you ask Jowan about you and him, he says he had no idea you feel that way and I do believe that he thinks of you as a sibling. So its interesting to see where you take it.

And I probably would read it if you post more because I am too ridiculously excited for Dragon Age 2. Like, reading Bioware forum posts everyday to glean spoilers.

[MissCheyenne]

You mis-spelled 'tried' in the first paragraph.

I like it, it's very descriptive. I'd like to read more

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Saya: I'll just assume 'the Teagan' was the result of me being indecisive of whether to call him the Bann or Teagan. I think that option of confessing to Jowan only occurs with a Female Warden, I could be mistaken, I might go check on him in the cells once I've purged the demon from Connor. We are a pair of DA junkies, I've been doing the exact same thing, and I got ridiculously excited when I heard Anders and Fenris were LIs.

Cheyenne: Thankyou. Noted, though I would like to see how a group of people trued to escape.

I may post more here or link y'two to where I submit most of my works. I'm just unsure on how the phantom that is Gnet Admin would respond to all out descriptive fucking and punching (minus the punching, just more fucking).

[MissCheyenne]

I'd definitely love to read some more at some point. I like what you've done so far and it's a whole lot better than a lot of the crap that gets posted on here.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Sir Canvas Corpsey

Saya: I'll just assume 'the Teagan' was the result of me being indecisive of whether to call him the Bann or Teagan. I think that option of confessing to Jowan only occurs with a Female Warden, I could be mistaken, I might go check on him in the cells once I've purged the demon from Connor. We are a pair of DA junkies, I've been doing the exact same thing, and I got ridiculously excited when I heard Anders and Fenris were LIs.

Sebastian is too! But he took a vow of chastity, so no sex.

And I'm Team "They're All Bi", can't wait to get proven right in five days.

ETA: Our banners often to go porn, I doubt they care. And some of the fiction I remember to be inferior to our writings.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

I assure you, unless Sebastian turns out to be a tosser I cannae stand, my Hawke will locking lips and loins with him, in not in game, then in the world of fiction. I'm also tempted to throw in some wincest and do a short of Mage Hawke and Carver.

It's something to consider certainly, though I doubt much writing will come out of DA:O as Salem does not pursue Zevran or Alistair due to his feelings for Jowan and come any Awakening shorts, I think those will be limited to Nathaniel.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Just a small update: Finished Awakening and my adoration of one Nathanial Howe was both reignited and extinguished, simultaneously, several times over. Hoping to plow through Goiems of Amgarrak and Witch Hunt tonight in preparation for Tuesday. I'm still not sure how I want this all to end, nor am I even sure if I want Salem and Jowan to have sex, I mean, I DO have some fantastic (well it seems fantastic, others may beg to differ) imagery and lines... lined up but it's all about balancing voyeurism with a plausible story.

Please continue to nitpick everything about the piece, be it this section or the first section or any section to follow. It's been a long time since I wrote a fiction so I want to make sure it's good.

Blood on the Walls (Incomplete- First Draft (Pt.2) 6/3/2011

“You wouldn’t have to, despite all that’s happened, Jowan, you still mean the world to me, and I would do anything for you”

“Y-you would?” exclaimed Jowan incredulously, he thought the world would have completely given up on him at this point, but it seemed Salem had not, and yet, the more he thought about it, the more he found it to be believable. Salem had been there for him from the beginning, Salem had told him about the Harrowing when he had asked, despite the fact no apprentice should ever be told about it until they attempted it. It had been Salem who stood by him when he sought to escape the tower and tranquility with Lily, and Salem who defended him from Isolde’s ranting.

“…You would…” Jowan now affirmed, quietly, lowering his eyes from Salem’s; the harsh grey that scolded most he met, softened and went murky in his presence. He felt he had no right to meet that man on an equal level, not after what he’d done, and not after learning the friendship he had thought abandoned because of his crimes still burned strong in his dearest friend.

As Salem watched Jowan’s head dip down and his gaze break from his own, he was reminded how pitiful Jowan could be when he felt guilty or hurt, and it frustrated Salem, that although he came down here to try and absolve Jowan of some of his worry, that instead he was causing the man more pain. Intending no more than explaining his motivations, he found that he had lifted one hand and slid it between the openings of the grated door, tucked his fingers lightly under Jowan’s chin and lifted the man’s head so he would once again look him in the eye.

“I would,” he whispered, barely, not having given the full confession he had always imagined would come bursting out in this moment; the meaning caught in his throat like a bubble that refused to move or pop. Jowan seemed perplexed by sudden difficulty with which Salem had spoken, and the touching, and Salem could not voice an answer to the silent question.

Salem’s hand guided Jowan’s face a little closer to the door and as the blood mage tried to speak he found himself silenced by Salem’s lips against his; a kiss between the grating. Salem had risked himself in a moment of desperate confession, the metal of the cell door pressing against his forehead as Jowan froze in shock.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Salem is now Ryan, accept it, snails pace writing, still have no idea where I am going, somehow unrequited romance and no sex seem like the direction it will head in though.


As Ryan pulled his lips back from those of the unresponsive and startled Jowan, he could see confusion dancing around inside his eyes, and perhaps even a glimmer of revelation. The hadn’t been passionate at all, it hadn’t even been returned; he might as well have been kissing a pillow, and yet, Ryan found his heart racing, pounding in his ears, as he waited for Jowan to say or do something, anything!

Jowan’s eye slid from side to side as he tried to process what had just happened, one of his hands quickly coming up to his face so he could punch the bridge of his nose in pensive thought. A typical reaction from jowan when he was trying to decide what to do in a situation where he really did not know what he was doing or what he was supposed to do.

“W-why.. did you, would you do that?” he pushed out, somehow already knowing the answer but needing to hear it come from Ryan’s lips first; those lips that had only moments ago been pressed to his.

“I’ve wanted to for a long time-“ interrupted Ryan, a statement that was in and of itself a relevant sufficient, but left so much unaddressed. The warden mage’s usual cool exterior and silver tongue dissolved into the awkward mess that anyone would know as a case of strange love in a strange place. That witty, silver tongue that Ryan had dared not oments ago, would find its way into the kiss and past Jowan’s lips; the reality of the situation though, had been much different.

Jowan’s eye opened, his fingers still pressing either side of his nose,; a stern expression that was so alien to any notion of Jowan’s personality or attitude. Ryan pulled away from the door and left his back to the blood mage, trying to find the words to explain what was going through his mind, thinking that if he did not have to bare that look from Jowan that they might come out easier. As it stood though, when it came to him ‘coming out’ he had just established a bad track record.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Just read that section again, note to self: Edit and Check Moar before posting even if it is a draft.