Breaking it to my parents.

[Love_the_Heartless]

I'm not shure how to put this. I'm not really all that "gothy" yet, as in how I dress and look. I just want to go all out (dying my hair, clothes, piercings, eyeliner). Not saying that those are manditory for gothic people, its just what I want to do. My problem, like i said is just my parents. I dont want to start with it all to fast and freak them out because thats going to be very hard to avoid anyway. It sounds stupid but I need a way to tell them without telling them Because im afraid if I say the words "I'm gothic" in any form their going to disown me.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Oh yes, this will help me too. Now everything I do, they think it's gothic, and hate it for it.
I got a cool haircut, they tought it was a gothic haircut and sent me to cut my hair again.
I made a poem about the moon, they think moon= night, and gothics are obsessed with darkness
They don't like any books I read because they think they're gothic books (what in Hades is a gothic book?)
I asked them if I could go to the Korn concert, the first thing they asked me was "are they gothic?"

A little help?

[Prof_Moriarty]

Here's what I want to know: Why call yourself "goth" at all?

You want to dye your hair, never have to worry about your clothes matching, be adventurous, and get in touch with your feminine side.

There's no need to label yourself to get your folks to understand, since all of that are things a normal, healthy human being would do, or want.

[Love_the_Heartless]

Originally Posted by Prof_Moriarty

.....and get in touch with your feminine side.

I really dont want to offend or anything and I dont know if you would have put this anyway, But just to be perfectly clear I am male

[Love_the_Heartless]

Ok, I just wanted to be shure because I have been mistaken for a female online before and it can get annoying

[WolfMoon]

You'll have to educate yourself on the sub-culture.

What it means, what it is, the bands.

That way if someone asks why you 'worship satan' or are 'mopey' or 'depressed', you can give them an intelligent answer.

[WolfMoon]

http://blood-dance.net/goth/grant.html

This should give you a fair beginning...

http://www.ravenmoon.us/agf/

If you need fashion advice the above link is also good.

If you need more info you can always go to goth.net and look in their faq. They're more about the scene/lifestyle there and can give you some great insight.

ALSO!

Learn of the bands:

Christian Death

Bauhaus

Siouxsie and the Banshees

Joy Division

Skinny Puppy

The Cure

The Damned

Alien Sex Fiend


That should get you off to a good start.

[Beowulf]

Wolfie, good selection of bands, you Rawk ! .


Love_the_Heartless,

These albums are essential listening,

Sisters of Mercy `First and Last and Always` or `FloodLands`

Fields of the Nephilim `Dawnrazor` or `Earth Inferno`

The Mission `Children`

Bauhaus `Press Eject and Give me the Tape`

Christian Death `Only Theater of Pain` (reccomended by to me by Wolfie) and `All the Love All the Hate part 1 `

These should get you going .

[Jane13]

I only have the Bauhaus one *shrug*. I'd add Sisters of Mercy to the list of bands, though Andrew Eldritch adamantly claims that he "Isn't goth." I say shut up, we buy your cds

I suggest renting movies in the way of Tim Burton (I suggest Beetlejuice and Edward Sissorhands) or movies that have gothy characters, and watching them with your parents so that they see that goth can be funny and happy and every range of emotion, and isn't about being depressed or angry all the time.

Also, as long as the music isn't offensive (Siouxie does remakes of the Beatles, for cryin' out loud!) don't be afraid to listen to your music around your parents. If you're all secretive all the time they most likely will asume that you're doing something and you know it's wrong.

The most important thing is to talk to your parents (not neccesarily about goth stuff, but just having a good relationship with the 'rents when possible is a good thing).... I spent a few minutes trying to add to this last tatement, but I really couldn't think of anyting to add.

Good luck, I hope that helps.

[Love_the_Heartless]

Originally Posted by WolfMoon

http://blood-dance.net/goth/grant.html

This should give you a fair beginning...

Well according to the link you gave me I am goth.

[WolfMoon]

Originally Posted by Love_the_Heartless

Well according to the link you gave me I am goth.

Good!

Now go forth young Bat-owan and learn of the roots of the music.

It really is an essential part of being goth.



*staples hand to forehead*


I can't believe I forgot The Sisters! No! You can't have my gothcard!

*runs*

[Jane13]

We can share a goth card ^^ IN my opinion, being in the same room as WolfMoon makes you more goth... goth can rub off on you from other people, and the more goth you have, the more rubs off of you

[Godslayer Jillian]

Ok yea, I've done almost all of your advices. Now, I'll see the thing of learning about the bands.
What scares my father the most is he thinks I'm gay, and he's homophobic. He sees most gothic men as gay people.
These are some things my father sees in me that thinks I'm gay:
Dressing elegantly
Long hair
Makeup
Hanging out with virtually only girls (it's not my fault there are only about 2 or 3 guys that are not immature in my school)
Not playing sports
Liking ballet
And finally: the way I walk and stand *sigh*

[Phayte]

Your just gonna have to sit your dad down and explain to him that your not gay and being Gothic is not a bad thing. Show him if you have to. I had to show my mom different sites and actually introduce her to a Gothic friend of mine before she would believe that I wasnt turning evil and worshipping the devil.

[edible_eye]

sit down with your dad and tell him you banged your mom.

then sit down with your mom and tell her you banged your dad.

then sit them down together and tell 'em you were just kidding... and by the way, what's for dinner?

[Reject_Bunnies]

Don't try to appear more "Gothic" by changing your clothing or outward appearance.
You can't just magically become Goth overnight,
all that you'll end up with is basically wearing a Halloween costume.

[ExistentialDisorder]

hey now, being gay isn't a bad thing either.

*blinks*

'course, i've always had the opposite problem. i can never get anyone to believe that i am. not that i go around telling everyone, but when/if the subject comes up, if it's somebody i think deserves to know, i don't lie. but some have even asked for proof... (you don't want to know). females have blamed me for lying just because i don't want to date them. people say i look mean, or intimidating. i'm always accused of looking like i'm pissed off when i'm really not. i've been accused of "gawking" at guy's women, when it's really them that i'm staring at. heh. always becomes rather awkward.

but, if you don't want to be assumed gay, butch it up a bit. stop sashaying like you're on the catwalk, shant'e. aim for a more masculine look/wardrobe. not saying you should change who you are, but there are things you can improve or alter and still remain the same person.

my parents didn't know what 'gothic' was, so i never had a problem. i still got strange looks with some of the stuff i wore, but they didn't really care. except ear rings - my dad hated them, and swore he'd rip them out if i ever pierced my ears. of course i did anyway, and he never said shit.

[Circle V]

Ah... if your parents are at least marginally reasonable, the best course of action is to talk to them about the entire culture before they get the wrong impression. Likely, all that they know about the Gothic culture comes from the kids running around Hot Topic and from articles about Marilyn Manson. There are a few websites available for the parents of Goths... I'll see if I can dredge one up for you.

Perhaps the discussion in the thread below will be helpful.
https://www.gothic.net/boards/showth...?t=1093&page=1

[Circle V]

Wow. I found a fair, moderate discussion about Goths on a forum... a forum for parents and scoutmasters involved with the Boy Scouts.

http://www.scouter.com/forums/viewTh...hreadID=114640

If your parents are conservative Christians, try this: http://www.christianitytoday.com/cl/2005/005/20.24.html

http://www.religioustolerance.org/goth.htm

http://www.whitefantom.com/goth/

And, of course, The Goth with a Sledgehammer page: http://blood-dance.net/goth/grant.html

[(-$|N-)]

Originally Posted by Love_the_Heartless

I'm not shure how to put this. I'm not really all that "gothy" yet, as in how I dress and look. I just want to go all out (dying my hair, clothes, piercings, eyeliner). Not saying that those are manditory for gothic people, its just what I want to do. My problem, like i said is just my parents. I dont want to start with it all to fast and freak them out because thats going to be very hard to avoid anyway. It sounds stupid but I need a way to tell them without telling them Because im afraid if I say the words "I'm gothic" in any form their going to disown me.

I wish you well, I dont have parents of my own so this topic never would have been a issue for me.

[Godslayer Jillian]

I have thought of that
But I'll have to have a first kiss before being able to do that

[Demonista_Ravenesque]

My parents wouldn't care if I was 'goth'.

In fact, my mother likes the gentle mopey nature of these absinthe drinkers.

Just as long as I'm not a red crested punkabilly.

Just to add to the band list of teh gothica... try:

Gene Loves Jezebel - Immigrant

Sex Gang Children - Medea

[WolfMoon]

Gods forbid you should enjoy looking good while you can!

[Vorsuc]

You know, the biggest way you can make it an issue, is to make an issue of it.

Suppose you got into "hip-hop", would you be sitting your parents down then and telling them all about hip-hop artists, etc? no.

Don't do it with goth. Sitting them down and making some grand proclaimation about "Being a Goth" is instantly going to have them worried.

I've never used the word around my parents. I've occasionally worn black in front of them, but never "the full uniform" as such. I do rememebr once being asked what the black stuff on my nails was and commenting it was polish I hadn't completely gotten off in such a matter of fact manner.

In fact I'd never heard a thing out of either of them about my style, until recently I visited my dad with my wife wearing a skirt that has pants underneath. Once I left the room :
"What the hell is he wearing?"
"Oh that's his skirt-pants, I think he looks great in them"
"Don't encourage him"

I'm sure he doesn't understand and if I say him down and told him fully about what I do when I go out, what I have done, etc... he'd be more than a little worried. As it is, he knows our relationship isn't affected, I'm happy and doing my own thing... without making a song and dance about it.

I just think, sitting them down and going "I'm a goth, so expect clove cigarettes, masses of poetry and Bauhaus untill all hours of the morning" might not go well. Just be yourself and as suggested, slowly let them see you wearing things that are a little "different", even if it is just around the house.

Of course, the other option is to wait until you are old enough to get a decent job and move out. Then you can wear/do what the hell you like.

[Love_the_Heartless]

Originally Posted by Vorsuc

Of course, the other option is to wait until you are old enough to get a decent job and move out. Then you can wear/do what the hell you like.

Ive thought about that but I dont think I cant wait that long.