this weeks popitch uk:
"The crusaders' hag came to sully the land
of the caliphate." - Al-Zarqawi on Condoleeza Rice
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POPBITCH _ _ _
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|_| |_| 19.05.05 ISSUE 256
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* Save the Bonono! Somebody has!
* Boom Bang A Bang - it's Eurovision!
* Charts: Oasis are number one!
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>> Dirty Fuggers <<
Al-Fayed Jnr hosts sex parties
Mohammed Al-Fayed bought into old Britain:
Harrods. Now his son is buying into the latest
British trend: group sex. Al-Fayed Jnr is
running sex parties in West London, where among
the daisy-chaining throng, several prominent
politicians have been spotted showing off
their large majorities.
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Europe's oldest hippo, 53 year-old Bullette, has been
put on the pill. She's already had 20 babies.
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>> Keeping it real... <<
Derek and Skeletor's red carpet romance
As rivals Barcelona walked off with the Spanish
league, David Beckham flew from Madrid to
Portugal to use the World Sports Awards as
the latest Brand Beckham photo-opportunity.
Reported in the media: "At one point
Beckham touched his wife's bottom after
she manoeuvred her husband into position."
In reality: straight after the red carpet
photo-op Skeletor left the venue through
the back door without even saying goodbye,
and flew to Milan on her own.
(And we thought the old rumours of a Milanese
fancyman had gone a bit quiet?)
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Gruesome Twosome: Kevin Spacey leading Hayden
Christensen by the hand around the VIP area of
the Star Wars party in Cannes.
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>> Bonobos bounce back <<
Chimps get top-notch council house
Last year, we launched a Save the Bonobo campaign.
The pygmy chimps who live in the Congo and
have sex on average every 90 minutes are facing
extinction. Finally, someone else is joining us
in trying to help these dirty little beasts.
A group of Bonobos are getting a $10 million,
18-room high-tech dream dormitory near Des
Moines, Iowa. Their crib has touch screens for
the chimps to chat with human researchers, a
webcam to see outside, flushing lavatories,
an indoor waterfall and climbing walls. The
experiment aims to see if this kind of
stimulation will help them develop skills in
language, art and music -- and pass those skills
on to future generations of chimps.
At the moment the bonobos spend their time
practicing hetro, homo and paedo shagging...
And researchers really think they're going
to give all that up to learn how to read
and play the piano?
(FYI: Vervet monkeys have blue testicles. And the
ones with the bluest balls are dominant.)
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Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails is said to be down to
his last £200,000, according to the court case in
which he's suing his old manager.
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>> Big Question <<
What politicians are asking this week
Which weighty politico, who has been making us
all sick for years, has secretly been doing the
same to himself? He suffers from bulimia.
Which recently defeated MP has such a big
gak-habit that their spouse is making worrying
noises about divorce?
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Gym Watch: Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Holmes Place, Notting
Hill. Apparently "looking rather lovely without
make-up, in a fresh and wholesome type way."
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>> What not to drink <<
Trin and Sue tart themselves out
Mr X writes:
"My friend got work experience as a runner on
the shoot for Trinny and Susannah's Nescafe
advert. No coffee apart from Nescafe was allowed
on set. Susannah handed my friend a £10 note and
slyly asked her to nip out to Pret a Manger to
buy some decent coffee."
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Among those who turned down the offer to appear on
Celebrity Love Island were Gareth Gates and
Big Brother contestant Spencer.
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>> It's Eurovision time! <<
Must-watch TV for Saturday night
Our insiders in Kiev tell us that it's shaping
up to be the drunkest Eurovision one ever. Here's
Popbitch's guide to the runners and riders
of tonight's Semi-Final and Saturday's Final:
Greece - Helena Paparizou. The favourite.
Represented Greece as part of Antique,
with one of the best ever Eurovision songs
in 2001.
http://www.helenapaparizou.com/eng/news/index.html
Belarus - Angelica. The Slavic J-Lo has been
swanning around Kiev with an enormous entourage,
four limousines and has hosted three parties.
$1m has been spent on getting Eurovision to Minsk.
http://www.eurovision.tv/english/belarus.htm
Norway - Wig Wam. Pub glam rock. Their singer Glam
is leading the Eurovision shagging stakes. His
chat up line? "I like your boobies."
http://www.esctoday.com/news/read/3763
Moldova - Zdob si Zdub. One of Russian-speaking
pop's biggest bands. Their song Granny Bangs The
Drum is enlivened with the singer's granny on
stage... banging a drum.
http://www.zdob-si-zdub.com/
Portugal - 2B. The singer fainted at the dress
rehearsal, which could be funny on the night.
http://www.eurovisionmadrid.com/2005/zpor05.html
Ireland - Donna and Joe McCaul. Hilariously
amateur teenage ginger siblings. Joe wins the
fans' prize as most unlikely party animal. The
Irish delegation have now imposed a curfew on him.
Watch their dancers fall over while River Dancing:
http://www.oneurope.biz/irevid.avi
For up to date info:
http://www.esctoday.com/
For betting:
http://www.ladbrokes.com/lbr_sports?...s_id=210000113
(thanks: Kabir_aka_special_k and I_love Hacksaw)
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The messageboard of Britain's entry Javine is buzzing
with claims that she once wet herself during a gig.
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>> Don't Stop Eating <<
Celebrity woman likes food
Rachel Stevens was having lunch in a chic London
restaurant with her lawyer. When the waiter came
over, the lawyer ordered for both of them: one
green salad, and one lamb shoulder with potatoes,
gravy and all the trimmings.
When the food arrived the waiter placed the salad
in front of Rachel, assuming it was for her,
but the tiny pop star calmly changed over the
plates, tucked into the lamb and cleared the plate.
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Disbanded Scottish band The Delgados have been
asked to write songs for the new Sugababes album.
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>> I should be so unlucky <<
The whole world roots for Kylie
Popbitch would like to wish Princess Botox
all the best in her fight with breast cancer.
Here are some Kylie tributes on the fansites:
Clive - "I'm not the most religious man in the
world but I do know that if there is a god he
will be looking out for you or at least he
better be. love you more than you know.
Angelica "It's shocking that women who appear
that generously and sexy in public like Kylie
Minogue or Anastacia, get particularly this
disease."
Paul - "If any good comes out of this, at least
it proves untrue those vile rumours about you
having plastic breasts."
More:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/news/wha...nk/index.shtml
Donate to breast cancer charities:
http://www.savekyliesboobs.co.uk/
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When U2 were shooting their live concert video in
Vancouver, Bono took 14 production staff to dinner...
but picked up the tab for everyone in the restaurant.
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>> Things to make you go hmmn <<
Gay Mayor, Rod Hull & Emu, Kylie
At last year's MTV Europe awards, host Xzibit
was overheard casting doubts on Usher's
sexuality. Then Usher met a girl at that very
event, with whom he's recently been seen out and
about. The girl? Eisha Brightwell, now ex-fiancee
of Alvin Joyner aka Xzibit. Funny.
Play the Name that Kylie tune game:
http://www.scenta.co.uk/gamescenta/s...tsthatsong.cfm
Spokane Mayor James West's internet profile:
http://www.gay.com/personals/profile...name=Cobra82nd
Perk up your life. See Rod Hull and Emu in
Blackpool this summer:
http://www.blackpoollive.com/Shows/tower_emucircus.htm
Final chance to get Scarlet magazine for only £1.
It's got sexy stories and all the things other
women's magazines are afraid to say. Now you can
even try it overseas for £5:
http://www.ScarletMagazine.co.uk/justonepound
Kerry and Brian McFadden are selling
their house:
http://www2.myhome.ie/search/propert...extraid=442552
>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries for 22nd May 2005
++ Number One
OASIS Lyla
++ Top Ten
BLACK EYED PEAS Don't Phunk With My Heart
J-LO Hold You Down
KAISER CHIEFS Everyday I Love You Less And Less
MAX GRAHAM V YES Owner Of A Lonely Heart
ROB THOMAS Lonely No More
++ Top Twenty
MYLO In My Arms
JAVINE Touch My Fire
NEW ORDER Jet Stream
STEVIE WONDER So What's The Fuss
>> End Bit <<
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eyooplass, kerching, hands_free_car_kit, rm
Worldwidewebs, jb, m, clinton, fister, parchalb
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2nd DJ: Dunno, who's the projectionist?
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