The biggest lie I ever tell

[KontanKarite]

There is a lie that I tell. Not because I want to deceive others, but because I like the idea.

I just got dumped yesterday. My lie, "If we ever split up, I think we'd at least be friends."

This is untrue. I don't have the capacity to be friends with those that hurt me. What I say to them is a dream laced with infatuation and romanticism. NONE of my exes are friends. Just fools who for some reason dream of me or regret dumping me later. They are at best, memories that I don't concern myself with, dead to me, or at worst, enemies.

As far as getting dumped, I think that I am the most common denominator in this equation, but seriously, I'm doing my damnedest to veer away from damaged and fucked up relationships. But I am an ingredient in this kind of perpetual melancholy. I'm getting better, but it's still fucked up, even now.

I may be naturally, a trampish kind of hook up by nature and I do everything I can to have something healthy and conventional. Alas, the problem may be that I ignore my nature. Perhaps at best, I am a person meant to be single with VERY intense hook ups. That's something I'll have to reconcile with.

/rant

[vindicatedxjin]

Or you just haven't found the right person yet.

[Despanan]

I'm doing my damnedest to veer away from damaged and fucked up relationships.

Maybe you should stop looking for tail on OKcupid then.

[gothicusmaximus]

Dude, very rarely does anyone remain friends with an ex, save in the most superficial sense.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Now that you're single, you should focus on a different kind of beating. Hohoho.

[KontanKarite]

Originally Posted by Despanan

Maybe you should stop looking for tail on OKcupid then.

Like, you know, bars makes so much more sense.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Like, you know, bars makes so much more sense.

I don't really think it's a huge deal to meet people online as long as you aren't dumb about it.

We chat online.
We make friends online.
Play games, pay bills, make plans, whatever.

[OnyxBat]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

There is a lie that I tell. Not because I want to deceive others, but because I like the idea.

I just got dumped yesterday. My lie, "If we ever split up, I think we'd at least be friends."

This is untrue. I don't have the capacity to be friends with those that hurt me. What I say to them is a dream laced with infatuation and romanticism. NONE of my exes are friends. Just fools who for some reason dream of me or regret dumping me later. They are at best, memories that I don't concern myself with, dead to me, or at worst, enemies.

As far as getting dumped, I think that I am the most common denominator in this equation, but seriously, I'm doing my damnedest to veer away from damaged and fucked up relationships. But I am an ingredient in this kind of perpetual melancholy. I'm getting better, but it's still fucked up, even now.

I may be naturally, a trampish kind of hook up by nature and I do everything I can to have something healthy and conventional. Alas, the problem may be that I ignore my nature. Perhaps at best, I am a person meant to be single with VERY intense hook ups. That's something I'll have to reconcile with.

/rant

Yeah your right, its not healthy to go back with an ex because there’s unsaid feelings, jealousy, sexual tensions, and all in all if you get back together there’s a possible chance you brake up again but worst.
(Nice example with the equation thing)
sorry for your lost but hey 'there are more fishes in the sea' and one of them might be a good one.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

I don't really think it's a huge deal to meet people online as long as you aren't dumb about it.

We chat online.
We make friends online.
Play games, pay bills, make plans, whatever.

Online dating is like D&D-- not inherently for assholes, but powerfully stigmatized. Just as teenagers generally only resort D&D when some already-present, undisguisable defect prevents them from receiving invitations to keggers, adults generally only resort to online dating when some already-present, undisguisable defect prevents them from meeting someone in real life.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Dude, very rarely does anyone remain friends with an ex, save in the most superficial sense.

Very much this. If you're breaking up with someone, it usually means one of two things is happening - either you can't stand one another anymore, in which case there's no reason you'd WANT to stay friends, or you still care about them but the circumstances aren't right (whether that means you've fucked up, they've fucked up, or NOBODY'S fucked up but something is getting in the way). If the latter is the case, watching them live a life that you're only superficially a part of, including dating other people, would be excruciating. There's a good reason so few exes stay friends.

The other stuff - if you keep ending up in fucked-up relationships, maybe you shouldn't be actively looking ANYWHERE, online or off, for a while. It sounds like now might be a good time to take a break, hang out with your friends, and keep your mind on things that'll put you in a better head space than insane women + whatever you're bringing to the table. Evidently, that combination is not working for you.

[Despanan]

I remained friends with my ex, and crashed with her for a month when I first moved to NYC.

However, I'm the exception - not the rule.

Originally Posted by Apathy

The other stuff - if you keep ending up in fucked-up relationships, maybe you shouldn't be actively looking ANYWHERE, online or off, for a while. It sounds like now might be a good time to take a break, hang out with your friends, and keep your mind on things that'll put you in a better head space than insane women + whatever you're bringing to the table. Evidently, that combination is not working for you.

^THIS. Very much, 1,000 times THIS Kontan. You are WAY too quick to get into a relationship, and you look for them too actively. Honestly I think that may be one of the biggest reasons why you always end up dating such horrible people.

[JCC]

Looking for relationships will get you into shit nine times out of ten, because you don't give your interaction time to develop and to figure out what that person is really like. Fall in love rather than getting into a relationship with the intention of falling in love at a later stage.

[Still Jack]

Meh, relationships almost invariably crash and burn and just leave one, the other or both feeling like a turd on legs. I agree with Kontan, they're a waste of time.

[vindicatedxjin]

Relationships don't necessarily crash and burn...they sometimes just slowly... very slowly go out... like poof...and then you don't know what the fuck happened in the past few years.

[Alan]

Kontan, you're hot, you don't need to actively be looking for someone.
Let me ask you something. You're hanging out; you look around for someone pretty; are you looking around for a possible relationship or just for a good time? I know I'm younger than you but I still tell you this from experience.

[KontanKarite]

Truth be told, I'm looking for a good time. Problem is, after said good time, it tends to become habit forming and from that, bad relationships based on sexual encounters tend to arise. As much as I intend to just have a good time, I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. That's why it seems like I constantly get into bad relationships.

[LaBelleDameSansMerci]

I have to agree with Apathy's advice of taking a break from looking for relationships. Develop your own interests, which is much easier to do without a relationship to develop at the same time.
Also, looking for good time girls will get you good time girls, not relationship girls.