What to do in this situation?

vindicatedxjin · 07-26-2010, 06:14 PM

So I have this friend who I know from college. We're not super close but we've known each other for a pretty good while. Well I got a phone call from him at 3 in the morning last night...didn't think anything of it because he calls late all the time for no reason and I had to work today. So I didn't pick up. Well... today on facebook I commented him saying thanks for waking me up last night.. and then just now he popped up on chat and was like "sorry for waking you up, not sorry for not killing myself"

So I was like dude what the hell happened? And then he started ranting on me about how me and everyone else never calls him once to just say hi or how are you...and that he was sick of the fakeness. And how I'm fake...
Well he just kept going and going and I kept trying to tell him that I was sorry. I also tried to assure him that no one ever ever calls me either, it's just the way people are (because no one ever ever calls me)... and then he was like fuck everything...and signed off. I tried calling but he won't pick up. I feel really guilty...

Pineapple_Juice · 07-26-2010, 06:18 PM

He's retarded. Fuck him.

Saya · 07-26-2010, 06:19 PM

Is there anyone he lives with that you can call? Like parents or roommates? I'd say chances are he's just doing it to scare you, but if that'll give you peace of mind I'd say call someone who can check on him.

But don't feel guilty. Maybe he has issues and while that might make him understandable, its still not cool to freak over little things like that. It strikes me as quite the drama llama thing to do, maybe he feels like shit for no reason and is looking for one, if that makes sense. Again, if he's having issues I can kinda see where this is coming from, but that is in no way your fault. You're his friend, not his counselor that he pays to answer to the phone at three in the morning.

vindicatedxjin · 07-26-2010, 06:26 PM

I'm just concerned over why the hell he's throwing it all on me, like I said we're not close, we literally see each other maybe once a month... I mean I could have told him that he's just as bad as anyone else because he's never called to just check on me... but I honestly don't know what all is going through his head right now. He's somewhat of a drama queen, but he's also been suicidal. And I don't know how to get in contact with his parents....

Saya · 07-26-2010, 06:28 PM

Hmmm, do you have a mutual friend who's more close and might know how to get in touch with them?

Thing about drama llamas: They'll suck in anyone who they think will be sucked in.

Heretic · 07-26-2010, 06:29 PM

Sounds like you were just a convenient target for his angst, whatever the hell that is. So YOU'RE fake, but he couldn't be bothered to come real and TELL you what was bothering him all this time? He can't hold back from you, them blame you for not addressing his concerns with your friendship. That's complete bullshit.

That changes very little, though. Like with any friend who is going through rough times, you can only be there for them. You can offer support, and that's about it. If they can't be bothered to take it, then there's nothing you could have done for them anyway. You're not his fairy godmother, with a wand you can wave and make all of his issues disappear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by vindicatedxjin

I tried calling but he won't pick up. I feel really guilty...

For what? Not being psychic? How many times has this person called and you haven't picked up the phone? How were you suppose to know this one particular phone call was so important? Besides, did he call more than once? If it was such a crisis, why call just the one time?

The kicker for me is him having the gall to tell you that you should have taken his 3.00am call because he was thinking about suicide. Feel guilty? Then you've fallen for his guilt trip.

I don't know about you, but being manipulated like that is a good way to lose me as a friend. My advice is to tell him to be straight with you about whatever it is that's REALLY bothering him (I don't buy that "no one calls me" crap for one second. there's more there than that). If he can't do that, tell him to take his drama elsewhere and find someone else to enable his self-centered outrage at the world.

- Heretic

vindicatedxjin · 07-26-2010, 06:35 PM

I just messaged two of his closer friends from what I know of....

vindicatedxjin · 07-26-2010, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heretic

For what? Not being psychic? How many times has this person called and you haven't picked up the phone? How were you suppose to know this one particular phone call was so important? Besides, did he call more than once? If it was such a crisis, why call just the one time?

Exactly. Thing is when he was chatting...he just kept going and going and wouldn't let me say shit. Then he just signed off... I'm betting that his friends are going to tell me that it's all him trying to get attention.

Fruitbat · 07-26-2010, 06:44 PM

he sounds unstable. Message his friends, see if they can contact his parents or can go to him. You never know if he's going to actually kill himself. If I was in your shoes I'd be asking myself "Okay if he does kill himself, will I feel like I did everything I could to help him?"

Having lost a couple of friends this way, there is nothing worse than living with the guilt of knowing you could have called them or given them the number of a crisis line.

If he is being a drama queen then he'll yell wolf one too many times and no one will come to his aide - and that is his own doing.

Maybe he just wants attention, maybe he needs a new circle of friends, if he feels everyone is fake. Maybe it's time I shut the F up.

Underwater Ophelia · 07-26-2010, 07:24 PM

Christ. People act like this because they can get away with it. Instead of giving this pansy bitch what he wants, just tell him to grow up and fuck himself.

vindicatedxjin · 07-26-2010, 07:52 PM

Friend messaged me back and said that he practically does this every other week, wtf. These types of people piss me off!

vindicatedxjin · 07-26-2010, 08:00 PM

And I'm done with him...

Fruitbat · 07-26-2010, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vindicatedxjin

Friend messaged me back and said that he practically does this every other week, wtf. These types of people piss me off!

hear that whooshing sound - that's any guilt you feel going out the window.

Solumina · 07-27-2010, 09:40 AM

If he (or anyone else) ever does that again give them the number for a crisis hotline, they are the professionals so A) they are paid to put up with his crap and B) if he is really having problems they would know how to help him. That way you have given him as much help as you can but at the same time you don’t have to deal with his emotional blackmail.

Still Jack · 07-27-2010, 10:17 AM

Tell him to wake the fuck up and get a grip on reality.

Neslyn · 07-27-2010, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vindicatedxjin

And I'm done with him...

That's good. It doesn't sound like he's worth bothering with. Besides there are hundreds of people in the world who are at least sane enough to keep from targeting others.

AnthonyApocalypse · 08-05-2010, 04:38 PM

I say hand him a fucking blade and say do it bitch. A real suicide attempt is spoken about it is done.

voodoowitchdr · 08-10-2010, 01:31 PM

Mail him a letter, that's all I've got...

the-nihilist · 08-10-2010, 10:13 PM

I think the only response I would send him is "LOL"

wishcat · 08-11-2010, 09:19 AM

Hmm.. sounds to me like he has some issues obviously, but he is mostly just lonely. He may have some friends he sees or talks to every now and then, like you maybe, but I think he is looking for a true friend. I think he just wants someone to show him that they care about him. Loneliness can really get to people. Most guys do not call each other up like girls do, but for the people that don't really have any friends, well... It means alot to them. It shows them that you really do care and want to be their friend.

If his friends say that he does this alot, I think he is testing his friends out to see if they are true friends. I think that if he proceeds to do this, and thinks, "see...they really don't care about me." then maybe one day he will try to kill himself. I wouldn't take suicide threats lightly.

cradle · 08-21-2010, 09:06 AM

Did you remind him to change his diaper?

Ben Lahnger · 08-21-2010, 10:35 AM

Jesus! Do you let self-involved, hurtful people manipulate you that easily?

I'm with Ophelia and Jack on this. Cast free of this jerk before he drags you into some pit of woe. Oh, and as your heaving his anchor leeward, leave him with this parting wisdom: "The best way to get a friend is to be a friend."

Then unfriend him on Facebook and dismiss his calls instantly.

There are lots of people in the world who genuinely need help and are appreciative of a friendly ear or whatever you can do for them. When people come on with the attitude this guy has given you, you can be assured that their primary goal is to achieve some sort of satisfaction through your unhappiness.

*P.S. - I HATE MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE.*

Despanan · 08-21-2010, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vindicatedxjin

So I have this friend who I know from college. We're not super close but we've known each other for a pretty good while. Well I got a phone call from him at 3 in the morning last night...didn't think anything of it because he calls late all the time for no reason and I had to work today. So I didn't pick up. Well... today on facebook I commented him saying thanks for waking me up last night.. and then just now he popped up on chat and was like "sorry for waking you up, not sorry for not killing myself"

So I was like dude what the hell happened? And then he started ranting on me about how me and everyone else never calls him once to just say hi or how are you...and that he was sick of the fakeness. And how I'm fake...
Well he just kept going and going and I kept trying to tell him that I was sorry. I also tried to assure him that no one ever ever calls me either, it's just the way people are (because no one ever ever calls me)... and then he was like fuck everything...and signed off. I tried calling but he won't pick up. I feel really guilty...

Vind. Cut this crazy emotional vampire out of your life asap. Don't let him play these passive-aggressive games with your emotions.

If he calls up threatening to kill himself yell: "DO IT FAGOT!" and hang up the phone.

cradle · 08-22-2010, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

you can be assured that their primary goal is to achieve some sort of satisfaction through your unhappiness.

*P.S. - I HATE MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE.*

I think he probably just wants attention, and being confrontational and whiny, often used in children, is his method. I would say he's just immature with attention problems.

Ben Lahnger · 08-22-2010, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cradle

I think he probably just wants attention, and being confrontational and whiny, often used in children, is his method. I would say he's just immature with attention problems.

That absolutely does not begin to cover this guy's problems.

If he was just crying and whiny I would agree, but he's calling at 3 in the morning and trying to manipulate her with the suggestion that if she doesn't listen to him when he thinks he needs to be listened to, he will commit suicide.

That's a much bigger problem than immaturity and attention whoring. Seriously.