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Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books.

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Old 07-18-2010, 01:02 AM   #1
allyssa
 
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within the spacious mind


I

Black hair dripping in the water
coils
tattered eyes not looking
at the skin torn away from her neck


water gathers between her fingers
long nails gathering sand and skin
metal bracelets encircling like slavery


black wind pushing clouds
into the veridian darkness
black birds watch
as she pulls away from the dawn
as the night of time diminishes
and the opening engulfs
looking back on her corpse
moss on her skin

II
An essence of dying
is the opiate
is the moon fading
is everything I have longed for
anticipated and denied


III
Knife slipping between her breasts
Everything I cannot have and do not want
Under illusion’s spell
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Old 07-18-2010, 01:10 AM   #2
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this is a murder from three perspectives: the objective, the subjective from outside her body and from the murderers perspective...I know the imagery is very simple it need a lot of reconstruction
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Old 07-18-2010, 10:10 AM   #3
TheFeatheredÆtheling
 
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I'm not a very perceptive reader; I admit it. Some of the meanings in this poem are vague to me, but I will say that I really like how you wrote the poem in three perspectives: the observer, the victim, and the murderer. That's very creative; I've never considered doing something like that before. It reminds me of how important it is in any written work to establish the perspective from which the work is written.
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Old 07-18-2010, 02:29 PM   #4
allyssa
 
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thank you so much! I did not give this poem any forethought whatsoever
I said it aloud and my lover typed it, later I looked at it and realized
what I had done, I was on three glasses of potent absinthe and it just fell from my lips,
this morning I feel like death though....
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Old 07-18-2010, 06:09 PM   #5
TheFeatheredÆtheling
 
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Ah, absinthe... The beverage of choice amongst artists and bohemians ~ I do love the 'Green Faery'. Whilst not refreshing in the least, her sedating effect is unrivaled. But beware! 'Too much, and her expensive kisses are most dehydrating...
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