 |
|
 |
| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
01-22-2007, 10:32 AM
|
#1
|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: 750 mi north of AZ equivalent to Derry, Maine
Posts: 673
|
Ambition
Ambition transmogrified,
high and tight, cut n' dried,
now loose framed, bonified,
of true calling, certified.
Not expected,
say some, "skill neglected",
pure spirit resurrected,
In their eyes un-reflected.
An unwelcome goal
For shallow of soul,
N'er perceive your role,
Cataract, blind as the mole.
Oh, dawn to their eyes,
Banish black skies,
Share your word to the wise,
Be shroud in new guise!
Ancients' renewed,
Child-like now viewed,
Wonderously hued,
Innocence imbued.
so, umm, what do you all think? What does it need? Does the meaning come through? I know it might be a little sketchy in places.
__________________
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with catsup." - unknown
question:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormtrooper of Death
(shouts) WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG??!!?
|
answer:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beneath the Shadows
Because some people are dicks. And not everyone else is gay.
|
|
|
|
|
01-22-2007, 12:18 PM
|
#2
|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: 750 mi north of AZ equivalent to Derry, Maine
Posts: 673
|
Archaic? perhaps. Primitive, even. I do appreciate your willingness to spare me the sharper lashings, and your desire to not be mean. It is very kind of you. Still, flame away, if it is that bad, then I need to know exactly how and why, where/ if it can be improved, and how to make the meaning more clear.
It is something I wrote at work a while back, I didn't really work on it alot, apparently it shows. Again, I thank you for your willingness to spare me, but I am ASKING you to rip it apart. It is something you are good at that I may benefit from. Don't worry, I have thick skin, this particular piece isn't exactly close to my heart or anything anyway.
__________________
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with catsup." - unknown
question:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormtrooper of Death
(shouts) WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG??!!?
|
answer:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beneath the Shadows
Because some people are dicks. And not everyone else is gay.
|
|
|
|
|
|
01-22-2007, 12:26 PM
|
#3
|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Arizona
Posts: 160
|
I thought it was lovely. ?
|
|
|
|
|
01-22-2007, 07:12 PM
|
#4
|
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: the concrete and steel beehive of Southern California
Posts: 7,449
|
(applauds) Well done EmeraldLoneWolf.
The meaning comes through: Ambition renewed in each new generation, and of those too timid or lazy to embrace it. Very cool. I liked it even more reading it a second time, out loud.
|
|
|
|
|
01-23-2007, 04:22 AM
|
#5
|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 1,178
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Super Spright
You would. I can't say anything, you'll never write again.
|
What a charmer.
Drake
|
|
|
|
|
01-23-2007, 06:50 AM
|
#6
|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: 750 mi north of AZ equivalent to Derry, Maine
Posts: 673
|
Ok, have it your way. But please, there is nothing you or anyone else could possibly do to prevent me from ever writing again.
Humane Paine, thank you for your comments, it seems that at least someone understood what it meant.
__________________
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with catsup." - unknown
question:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormtrooper of Death
(shouts) WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG??!!?
|
answer:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beneath the Shadows
Because some people are dicks. And not everyone else is gay.
|
|
|
|
|
|
01-25-2007, 08:08 AM
|
#7
|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 1,178
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Super Spright
Unlike you I know what I am talking about. I read a lot of poetry for recreational reasons, and I've seen a lot of bad poetry.
|
"Recreational"?
Drake
|
|
|
|
|
01-25-2007, 08:46 PM
|
#8
|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 1,178
|
No, I just think it is a bizarre word to use of poetry.
Drake
|
|
|
|
|
01-26-2007, 07:05 AM
|
#9
|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: 750 mi north of AZ equivalent to Derry, Maine
Posts: 673
|
Agreed, reading poetry can be very relaxing, especially if you want something that still keeps your brain occupied. Good poetry MAKES you pay attention to it, study it, and reading through it a few times to gather all the little shades of meaning. Yes, it can definitely be relaxing, and fun.
__________________
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with catsup." - unknown
question:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stormtrooper of Death
(shouts) WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG??!!?
|
answer:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beneath the Shadows
Because some people are dicks. And not everyone else is gay.
|
|
|
|
|
|
01-26-2007, 10:45 AM
|
#10
|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 1,178
|
Huh. I wouldn't describe any of the poems I like as "relaxing". It takes all kinds.
Drake
|
|
|
|
|
01-26-2007, 10:47 AM
|
#11
|
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 1,688
|
I wouldn't describe soccer as "relaxing", but it's described as "recreational", right?
__________________
A SPIDER sewed at night
Without a light
Upon an arc of white.
If ruff it was of dame
Or shroud of gnome,
Himself, himself inform.
Of immortality
His strategy
Was physiognomy.
--Emily Dickinson
|
|
|
|
|
01-26-2007, 02:13 PM
|
#12
|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,021
|
Better than I can do.
|
|
|
|
|
01-26-2007, 02:14 PM
|
#13
|
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 1,688
|
You can't even type prose comprehensibly.
__________________
A SPIDER sewed at night
Without a light
Upon an arc of white.
If ruff it was of dame
Or shroud of gnome,
Himself, himself inform.
Of immortality
His strategy
Was physiognomy.
--Emily Dickinson
|
|
|
|
|
01-26-2007, 04:17 PM
|
#14
|
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,360
|
I quite enjoyed reading that, emeraldlonewoulf.
|
|
|
|
|
01-26-2007, 07:51 PM
|
#15
|
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 1,178
|
Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Super Spright
Drake, you're an idiot.
|
Okay dude.
Drake
|
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:40 PM.
|
|
