The Snake in the Cold

[LaBelleDameSansMerci]

A rare poem from the keyboard of LaBelleDameSansMerci... (seriously, I never write poetry)

Time crawls for me.
It is lethargic,
Like a snake in the cold.
It slowly undulates
Its seizing body
Along its inevitable path.
It does not stray.
Indeed, it cannot stray,
Though that path
Is shrouded in fog
Which grows always thicker
and always colder.
The land is ever barren and grey.
Still, it goes on, always drawn
Toward what's ahead of it,
Desperate to know,
To see what's behind
The whisps that rush by
In the moaning wind.
It knows it can stop,
That stopping would be easier,
But a horrid and cruel curiosity
Drives it on
Just a little farther.
It gets colder still,
And still it goes.
It gets stiffer still,
And still it travels on
And on
And on
And on.

[Dead Blue Grind]

Well I enjoyed the journey like story but alot of the words you chose to use come across as forced. Sometime a softer more common word does more than a harsh display of massive vocabulary. I wasn't very fond of the end. I was hoping that time (or through your metaphor the snake) would continue on until it was frozen solid. So there would be an unquestionable conclusion. It would have been both sad and beautiful.

With all things said, I would enjoy reading some more stuff from you in the event you wish to share again.

[LaBelleDameSansMerci]

I don't have any more stuff. Litterally. Except this one story that I wrote about 5 years ago, but it needs massive fixing, and I'm too lazy to do that. You could read my English or art history essays, but they're pretty dry.

I'll try looking for softer words, but not til I've had some sleep Thanx for the advice.

This is actually how time passes for me, by the way. I chose to make it go on because, if it froze, that would say to me that time did stop. It hasn't for me yet. It will freeze at some point, or decide to stop on its own, but it hasn't done so yet, and I don't know what's going to happen to it.

Thanx for the honesty, though. I appreciate it. I hate it when people say "yeah, yeah.... no it's good. Really." Thanx again for the advice. I must say, some shorter words would do it some good... *sheepish*

[LaBelleDameSansMerci]

Version 1.1

Time crawls.
It is lethargic,
Like a snake in the cold,
Slowly bending
Its seizing body
Along the binding path.

It cannot stray,
Though that path
Is barren and grey
And shrouded in a fog
That thicks and dampens,
Choking the breath
as if it were drowning it.

Still, it goes on,
Always drawn
Toward what's ahead of it;
Desperate to know,
To see what's behind
Those whisps that hurry by
In the moaning wind.

It knows that stopping
would be easier,
But a twisted and cruel curiosity
Drives it on
Just a little farther.
It gets colder still,
And still it goes on.
It gets stiffer still,
And still it travels on
And on
And on
And on...

[Tin_Lizzie]

Beautiful. No, really. But then, what do I know of poetry? I only know what I like.
Thank you for bravely posting your work. I enjoyed it.

[LaBelleDameSansMerci]

I'm glad. I kind of wish I could compose poetry with meter and rhyme and all that good stuff. *thinks of Keats and Coleridge and Chaucer* Mmmm...

[Dead Blue Grind]

I enjoy version 1.1 alot more than the original.