You Were (A poem by Martyr)

[Martyr]

You Were (A poem by Martyr)

You were my voice, so now i'm mute
But i'd speak lies, cause you were my truth.
I had my chance, but I missed my cue.
Guess i'm blind, cause I only see you.
I once was alive, but now i'm dead.
You were the thoughts, that were in my head.
I once had secrets, that now I can't keep.
You were my dreams, so now I can't sleep.
I wished for you, upon a star
It didn't come true, guess it was too far.
You were my feelings, cause now i'm numb
But i'd feel cloudy, cause you were my sun.
I had my faith, but forgot to believe.
Guess i'm empty, cause it's you that I need.

I'm here alone. in my own wake
left to pay for every mistake

You were my war, so now i'm weak
But i'd not fight, cause you were my steed
I had my chance, but I let you leave
Guess i'll drown, cause I can't breathe
I once was there, but now i'm gone
You were the life that couldn't live on
I once had feelings, that I can't hold in
You were my ending, that will never begin
I wanted you, all for myself
Asked for heaven, but instead got hell
You were my love, so now i'm loveless
Can't find the strength to rise above this
I had my hope, but forgot what for
Guess i'm in denial, cause it's you I adore

I'm here alone, but I don't care
These scars on my heart will never repair

[Noirette]

The rhythm & rhyme isn't bad. It is also not perfect, and it's the heart and soul of your writing, as far as I see. Lyrically... Well, it's cliche. Be it your true feeling or not, it's overdone and oversaid and overmelodramatic. If you choose to concentrate on the rhythm & rhyme, it's not an excuse to give up on meaning.

[Martyr]

Thank you for your honest opinion. I tend to focus too much on structure due to me being a singer/songwriter as well. I wrote this after someone I was in a relationship with was sleeping around behind my back..so I was feeling like I was in a cliche moment. You know how it is, black clouds and rain pouring down.. At the time I felt that even if she treated me like hell, there was still a part of me that loved her. But i'm over all of that now. Condolences.