Okay, so I don't think I've made my return as painfully epic I probably could have. This changes now. My name is Nik Stefanovik (yes it rhymes) and i've been in and out of this crazy site for about three years now. No biggie.
But the elders here probably all knew me better as the
INSANELY GOTHIC ENTITY THAT WAS VYVIAN BLACKTHORNE.
Yes. That whiny, pretentious, preteen gloom and doom poster boy made up an insecure chubby babybat who had little friends and little time or interest to go out and live my fucking life. That was without a doubt me. So lacking confidence and only faith in the cyberspace universe as a result of angst and low-self esteem I found comfort in creepy old music and a religiously black wardrobe.
While living at home and posting on this site I hid my insecurities with one helluva vocabulary and knowledge I gained (mainly from the internet) and the newfound interest in what I adhered to to the point of ultimate subjectivity that made the raw culture I geared to impress for acceptance laugh at me more than ever. Did I really know what I was talking about most of the time? Realistically, I'm almost embarrassed for the lies I told to myself and people over the internet I took JUST A LITTLE too seriously
A total in joke for those who knew cute little Vyvian.
But none of that really matters now, because in the time I was gone I was sent away to a therapeutic reform school (a system I wasn't pleased with that is a WHOLE other story) to work on myself but eventually kicked out due to focusing on how pissed off I was and uninterested in the future despite having dreams (that I hold dear to me now) of being the next notorious and nutty frontman, in the vein of the goth and deathrock I can't help but adore and jam out to today. And as for the label of goth that I told myself I'd fight for til death and define only as myself, well that subjectivity got to me as well. When adulthood began to peak and my life found itself under some direction (with a long road to stay on still), I think I had bigger things to worry about other than how much it sucked I couldn't get Go Away White because I was in the mental hospital for unstable moping that were eventually perceived as suicidal tendencies. ..
But over the last short years now finishing up high school and facing all the bizarre adventures within that I have also found myself in and out of an identity crisis. Basically I hid my interest in goth (or just the supressed the general image of it) and made blindly made comprises with my crowds of friends and let them redefine me...also not good. In that cycle came sex, drugs, but not much rock n roll. So to rescue myself I turned to music and formed a band with a friend of mine living in the swamps of sunny Fla (yes, how goth!) and though I still like what I like comfortably I can tell you that I don't really sing or play goth music. Just experimenting in what me and my musical partner sound good.
So things are finally stable and I'm neither extreme. Lately an interest in spirituality found me in re-awakening my creativity (reluctantly considering how atheistic VYVIAN was) and honestly I think the zens got the right idea: balance.
And I have to say, for those of you who hated Vyvian Blackthorne and felt just as relieved and liberated as myself getting all this shit out now, do not hate foolishly mistaken pseudo-intellectuals like him. Only laugh and attempt to show him the light as little as possible til the inevitable journey of growing up does occur. And since being back here I've been on a semi-troll high that's probably made a bad impression, like criticizing those I see my younger self in. That isn't really the way to go.
I'm pretty sure this was elaborate enough, but for old times sake I gotta do this in this re-introduction as well:
1. What do you do? (Hobbies, job)
Student. I write poetry, film treatments, and (mostly) lyrics and play acoustic guitar for my band the Meanwows.
2. Where are you from?
Chi-town, Midwest. Where my fucking heart is. But currently living in Delray Beach, Florida. A funkly little place filled with your usual crowds of guidos, beach bums, and cuties. I've lived in the mountains of Georgia in reform school and had a brief stay in Jersey..but other than that I have yet to pursue my dreams in travel.
3. Who is your favorite authors?
William S. Burroughs, James Joyce, and Jim Morrison
4. What are your favorite films?
The Big Lebowski, Coffee and Cigarettes, Buffalo '66, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (I know what it's like to be trapped with fucking loonies, and believe it or not this was more at boarding school than the mental hospital), Donnie Darko, Meeting People is Easy, Begotten, Clockwork Orange, and Herzog's Fitzcarraldo.
5. What music do you want played at your wedding?
Ever seen the end of the movie,
the Hangover?
6. At your funeral?
I think a reading by Nick Cave or Lou Reed (though I'll obviously live past both of 'em) from some final pieces is pretty ideal.
7. This IS a gothic website, so... how do you want to die?
With content. But that could be asking too much.
8. What kind of casket would you want?
Fuck you! Cremate me. And I'd like my ashes scattered on the stoned body of Jeff Bridges at the hand of the wind.
9. What's your FAVORITE outfit?
Right now it'd be the earthy custom tye-dye my girls mommas been cooking, and some old slim black pants.
10. What's one thing you miss about being a little kid?
More comic relief.
11. What's your favorite band?
Some favorites:
The Doors
David Bowie
Anything involving Nick Cave
Velvet Underground
Sonic Youth
Bauhaus
Throbbing Gristle
T. Rex
Joy Division
Einsturzende Neubaten
12. What kind of education do you have? What is/was/will be your major?
Still in progress. Want to go for music theory but honestly beginning to think my best marketable degree would be in journalism or film theory.
13. Why did you join?
Couldn't leave here forever.
14. If the first 13 questions didn't give it away. What is your gender?
Male.
The irony of all this is? I just recently flamed someone for having an unnecessarily elaborate introduction. But now doing this for me there's no better feeling that can be attained in cyberspace.
