Goth vs. Redneck-Ultimate Showdown?

Pineapple_Juice · 05-14-2008, 01:30 PM

So I was meandering around the net and I found a site with some admittedly less than intelligent people debating the issue of who would win in a fight. Currently the verdict hasn't been reached, but they make interesting points:

Why a redneck would win the fight (edited for grammar and spelling but otherwise in its entirety):

First of all, rednecks are strong. They shuck corn and bale hay.
Goths are weak. They smoke and practice the art of skinnyness.

Rednecks are tan, even though it's soo tan that they are sunburned.
Goths are pale. When you have no sunlight, you have no strength.

Rednecks fight all the time about nothing.
Goths don't fight. If they did, their chains would get caught on something and it would hold them back.

Rednecks wear hunting jackets.
Goths can't see in the sunlight anyway-imagine if they were fighting someone in camo.

Rednecks have the Dueling Banjo song on their side.
Goths would start hissing like a wet cat if they heard that song.

Rednecks like hot sauce. We don't know why, they just do.
Goths would die if hot sauce went near them. What do goths eat anyway?

Rednecks have fishing knives and junk like that.
Goths don't really look like fish, but you get the picture.

Rednecks are clumsy. They could accidentally kick ass and not know it.

And FINALLY:
Rednecks have Wranglers. It takes a TOUGH man to wear jeans that tight.
Goths wear giant pants with chains and such. They are so UN-TOUGH that they have to have armor on their pants.

Why a goth would win the fight:

Goths have witchcraft. Though it may not work on those of us who are not rednecked, it may work on rednecks who have way too many superstitions.

goths are WAY smater then red-necks and therefore they may be able to out wit one in a fight (I'm sorry-I said I'd edit them all for grammar but this one was just too funny to change.)

Goths can choke the rednecks with their chains.

Goths can stab the rednecks with spikes.

I'm thinking they make a good point about rednecks.

Murasaki eyeliner · 05-15-2008, 11:21 AM

lmfao!

heres some more:

Why a goth would win the fight:

the goths would bite the rednecks with their vampire fangs(although theyd probobly get food poisoning afterwards)

goths have long sharp fingernails,they can scratch the enemy into submission

goths can crush/stab the rednecks with their platforms/high heels

goths have moshers, punks and emos as allies,the moshers would shove and hit the rednecks,the punks would stab them with their spiked hair,and the emos would scare the rednecks away by alternately stareing and reciting lovesick poetry at them

btw do you remember the website/forum?

Oblivious Nexus · 05-15-2008, 11:34 AM

Lol!!! "What do Goths eat anyway?" "Goths can't see in sunlight" and "Art of skinnyness" what a load of crap xD it makes me giggle

Metabolik · 05-15-2008, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Murasaki eyeliner

lmfao!

heres some more:

Why a goth would win the fight:

the goths would bite the rednecks with their vampire fangs(although theyd probobly get food poisoning afterwards)

goths have long sharp fingernails,they can scratch the enemy into submission

goths can crush/stab the rednecks with their platforms/high heels

goths have moshers, punks and emos as allies,the moshers would shove and hit the rednecks,the punks would stab them with their spiked hair,and the emos would scare the rednecks away by alternately stareing and reciting lovesick poetry at them

btw do you remember the website/forum?

The battle between moshers and rednecks would be epic as FUCK

There NEEDS to be a youtube video of this...

Megansmom · 05-15-2008, 04:00 PM

LMAO
Could some one teach me the art of skinniness?

KontanKarite · 05-15-2008, 04:01 PM

I know the art of skinniness. It involves lots of hydrating, lots of coffee that is black, and little food and if so, something like eggs.

Stormtrooper of Death · 05-15-2008, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Murasaki eyeliner

lmfao!

the punks would stab them with their spiked hair

Don't forget we have studs too! And boots!

LaBelleDameSansMerci · 05-15-2008, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pineapple_Juice

Rednecks like hot sauce. We don't know why, they just do.
Goths would die if hot sauce went near them. What do goths eat anyway?

Oh. I thought goths would like hot sauce cuz it would play into masochistic tendencies to have one's face burnt off by one's food...

Renatus · 05-15-2008, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oblivious Nexus

Lol!!! "What do Goths eat anyway?" "Goths can't see in sunlight" and "Art of skinnyness" what a load of crap xD it makes me giggle

What do we eat anyways? We have drinks (tea,soda,blood), but no one ever talks about goth food.

HumanePain · 05-15-2008, 09:02 PM

Junior, big boned and sunburnt from his construction job, took off his Angels baseball cap and wiped the sweat from his forehead. It was quitin' time and he wanted to join Bobby and Chad down at the beach for some beers and a look at the bikini clad roller skaters on the boardwalk. He took off his construction tool belt and threw it in the back of the Ford pickup and slammed the door shut, fired up the V8 and put on his favorite Clint Black tape: No Time. The truck turned easily in the dusty soil of the work site, and spun the tires on purpose as if to say "goodbye work until Monday".
Thank God it's Friday!

...

The smell of the sea was intoxicating to Sid, he relished it, and also bade farewell to the Sun as it set over the water. He could see just a few miles out to sea the fog starting to roll in, and breathed a sigh at the thought of the cooling relief it would bring him. He had enjoyed the view with so much thought and admiration that the local seagulls thought him made of stone and bravely walked up to peck at the shiny studs of his boots. He smiled at the sensation, and idly wondered what seagulls thought about if not food.
The fog was approaching land.

...

"Inland idiot."

"Oh now honey, relax, it's Friday! I'll buy you a drink, just let me introduce you to my buddies here!"

The local woman and her friend left the bar, with Junior and his posse watching with interest as the women turned left outside the bar window in the direction of the pier. It was low tide, and the pier stretched out over hundreds of yards of sand before meeting the surf. Exposed stairs made for boat access reached to the top of the pier. Junior nudged his buddies and nodded towards the pier. The men smiled at each other and throwing dollar bills on the table got up and left. Outside they turned left and once across the sidewalk started trudging across the sand. They too were being watched with interest, but not by the women. Seagulls lept up into the air, calling.

...

Hearing the clink of metal on the sandy sidewalk, Sid stopped watching the barmen's comic march across the sand and looked over to see his friend Brian.

"What's up mate?"

"Beautiful evening."

Brian looked around and then sat on the bench next to Sid, tall black boots with steel toes and heels clanking next to his friend's black invasion boots.

Sid then looked back at the barmen shrinking into the distance as they trudged further away, and noticed their destination becoming obvious.

He nodded towards the scene.
"If you were those gentlemen headed towards the pier ladder, and knew that there were two women who just left the bar before you were right above you, would you consider gentlemenly thoughts?" He turned and smiled at Brian.

His friend considered it for a moment, and then standing up, his black leather coat wrapping around him in the sunset breeze, looked down at Sid still sitting on the bench.

"Let us do the gentlemanly thing eh?"

Sid laughed and then got up, shining studded belt glinting red in the last light of the orange and ruddy sun, and breathed deep the incoming fog.

"Yes, let's." Sid cracked his knuckles.

Mr. Ed · 05-15-2008, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Renatus

What do we eat anyways? We have drinks (tea,soda,blood), but no one ever talks about goth food.

Mmm-mmm, hemoglobin.

And goth food is CDs. I personally like to wash down my copy of "Floodland" with a (stomach-erupting) mix of tea, soda, and blood.

Renatus · 05-16-2008, 05:38 AM

Hmm what kind of cds?
Ah! I just realized forgot goth Alcohol(Absynth etc)! Don't stop there if you would please Humane.

Mr. Ed · 05-16-2008, 07:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Renatus

Hmm what kind of cds?
Ah! I just realized forgot goth Alcohol(Absynth etc)! Don't stop there if you would please Humane.

Only the highest in providing the daily recommendation of gothiness (like the aforementioned "Floodland"). Clove cigarettes make good dietary supplements, as well.

And if you're going to mention alcohol, don't forget snakebite.

Oblivious Nexus · 05-16-2008, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Renatus

What do we eat anyways? We have drinks (tea,soda,blood), but no one ever talks about goth food.

Was just making fun of the fact they don't know xD I myself love Chai and green tea, and you're right about the food thing. Its pretty much everyone's personal preferences

Opteron_Man · 05-17-2008, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

I know the art of skinniness. It involves lots of hydrating, lots of coffee that is black, and little food and if so, something like eggs.

Hey! Thats mostly what I do! I drink lots of coffee, and eat little food. The little food I do eat is usually eggs. I am aroun 118 LBS at 5' 4" tall!

KontanKarite · 05-17-2008, 04:00 PM

HP is winning this thread something fierce. That was some pretty engaging writing, HP. Made me think of Kingdom Hearts a little bit.

Yes, Opt, it does keep you pretty skinny.

Renatus · 05-17-2008, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oblivious Nexus

Was just making fun of the fact they don't know xD I myself love Chai and green tea, and you're right about the food thing. Its pretty much everyone's personal preferences

I do realize as I was joking as well, hence the part where I was asking what kind of cds we eat.