Summoning Cthulhu

[Breathless Horror]

So me and a few friends have decided it would be a good time to imbibe large amounts of intoxicants and attempt to summon Cthulhu, Azathoth, or some other suitable Great Old One. I very much expect it to fail. Fuck that it had BETTER fail, but in the interest of potentially world-ending, sanity-rending fun, we're doing it anyways.

Anyone have any ideas for it? So far we've agreed that we need an effigy, bonfire, hand drums, black robes (or birthday suit and paint). Anyone know any cool "magic circles" or anything?

As I said, it's not going to work, but we want it to be as "real" as possible, as we will probably going to record it.

[Anarasha]

You should sacrifice at least 3 Narwhals for a Cthulu summon.

[Breathless Horror]

Man, where in the righteous fuck am I supposed to get a narwhal? Let alone three?!!?! I live in Canada dude. Maybe great old ones dig moose? We discussed the possability of sacrifice, but no one wanted to volunteer, or had a significant other they were tiring of. We'd pick someone off the street, but we don't have a vehicule in which to cram a kidnapping vic.

Also, that song is fucking awesome.

[Solumina]

I'm sure a bull moose would be acceptable, just remember that you can't shoot a sacrifice, it much be done with either a knife or your bare hands so you all may need some rope to keep that moose under control.

[Nocturnal Logic]

Sounds like a wonderful idea. Perhaps you should include vile drums and accursed flutes, to accompany the screaming of the name Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud. Cthulu likes friends. :P

Also, I wouldn't recommend anything with the name 'lysergic acid' be involved with that... just, yeah, that seems like it could turn out bad.

[Despanan]

Human Sacrifice.

DO IT FAG.GOT!

[Breathless Horror]

just remember that you can't shoot a sacrifice, it must be done with either a knife or your bare hands

Hmmm...do you think a very ornate 200 year old short sword suffice? I think that it would probably take me a couple of tries with my knife to actually mortally wound a bull moose, and I think I'd feel guilty. Just cause it's a sacrifice doesn't mean I want to be a dick about it XD

Sounds like a wonderful idea. Perhaps you should include vile drums and accursed flutes, to accompany the screaming of the name Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud. Cthulu likes friends. :P

Also, I wouldn't recommend anything with the name 'lysergic acid' be involved with that... just, yeah, that seems like it could turn out bad.

Yeah, drums are definitely go. You can't dance around a bonfire shrieking the name of an elder evil without drums, just can't happen. As far as I am aware of the only flute player in my vincinity is my father, and something makes me think he wouldn't be down for our little party. Hopefully someone can make a few dischordant wails on one.

Definitely have to agree with the ban hammer on 'cid, that'd definitely increase the risk to your/our/my sanity. We'd been thinking tons of speed and a to-be-determined hard liquor. We still have to find the most evil drink XD

Human Sacrifice.

DO IT FAG.GOT!

But it's so much EFFORT!! [/whine] Maybe I'll put up a wanted add on craigslist:

WANTED
Human Sacrifice

Must be in perfect physical and mental health, and be able to continue screaming "Ia Ia Cthulhu Ftagn" with a large bladed knife imbedded in their abdomen.


Thanks guys! Keep the idea's coming. We're definitely videotaping it when it goes down, I'll be sure to post it somewhere.

[Ben Lahnger]

Just don't add the line "must be a virgin" to that want ad. You'll reduce the prospect pool exponentially.

[Lady Sorrow]

make sure you cast your circle right lol or the invoked and others drawn to your little bon fire might do some damage haha. and ya, a sword should work. (make sure your alter is set us accordingly as well)

[Despanan]

Originally Posted by Breathless Horror

But it's so much EFFORT!!

DO IT NAO!!!1one.

[Breathless Horror]

Hmmmm, I just realized there's a baphomet on the Album sleeve of my Leftover Crack record (Mediocre Generica if anyone cares...fucking great album), it just might be tracin' time. Fuck I should probably find some elder signs, I seem to recall reading in one of Lovecraft's stories that they granted some kind of protection from the old ones.

Good to know the sword is go, it really it a beautiful weapon.

Fine Desp, I'll do it man, but not now. I'm not ready and I sure as fuck don't wan't to have to feed the poor bastard in my basement for a month now do I? Not to mention all the awkwardness of Stockholm Syndrome when it comes time for the ceremony, that'd be awful.

[Anarasha]

You should cut off your ear and summon the spirit of Vincent van Gogh to help you in your quest.

[Breathless Horror]

Naw man, I need that shit. Besides, how would Gogh help? I don't need a painting, I have a video camera.

[Anarasha]

You need him to paint the ikon on which you splash the blood of the sacrificial animal.

[Breathless Horror]

Fuck icons dude, effigy's are the way to go. Ten foot likeness of cthulhu complete with badass facial tentacles here I come!

[paleghost]

Originally Posted by Anarasha

You need him to paint the ikon on which you splash the blood of the sacrificial animal.

forget that I got the whole thing planned out. First you need a human sacrafice. you baptize them in ichor (slime) and almost drown her to offer her to Cthulu.

[Greggles]

and your gonna need a sammich, Cthulhu is going to be hungry, so yeah, sammich.

[KontanKarite]

Why not just fuck at midnight instead of human sacrifice? I bet you're too much of a prude.

[Greggles]

Trust me, if thats all it took, there would be Cthulhus running around all over my town.

[Nocturnal Logic]

Originally Posted by Greggles

Trust me, if thats all it took, there would be Cthulhus running around all over my town.

If that's all it took, you wouldn't have a town.

[ape descendant]

You'll also need copious amounts of varying sizes of knitting needles. Cthulu, loves knitting needles.. cause Cthulu is a god of knitting and decoupage.

[Angelic Dissonance]

Come on, dude, where's your Necronomicon...? I'll bet you don't even know the Great Sign of Koth. To summon the Elder gods, you've got to have ancient artifacts, or know the rituals. Try this page:
http://cthulhufiles.com/necro/necromancy.htm
It's the most comprehensive and complete I've come across. Seek, and ye shall find.

Don't forget the Incense; incense is very crucial to the workings of magick.

Originally posted by Necronomicon Project
"...In the day and hour of Mercury with the Moon in her increase, thou shalt take equal parts of Myrrh, Civet, Storax, Wormwood, Assafoetida, Galbanum and Musk, mix well together and reduce all to the finest powder."

I, personally, recommend a mix of sage, rosemary, black pepper, salt, sugar, and cinnamon. And maybe Hashish and Laudenum.... You'll need a bowl on a tripod to burn it all. And WATCH OUT FOR THOSE DARK WINGED FIGURES!!!!!

It's all in the incantation, bro... chant loud and proud... and in the middle of the woods so your neighbor doesn't call the cops....

[Anarasha]

Originally Posted by Greggles

Trust me, if thats all it took, there would be Cthulhus running around all over my town.

BLASPHEMER! *hissing noise*
THERE IS ONLY ONE CTHULU!

[Greggles]

how do you know there aren't a bunch but there has only ever been one seen at a time?

[LaBelleDameSansMerci]

Originally Posted by Breathless Horror

We still have to find the most evil drink XD

Screech.

(Available at many LCBO outlets.)