Rant Thread

[Tall One In Black]

Santarea,
I am very sorry to hear about your friend. I'm glad that he escaped with no brain damage, though. It's almost unbelievable that he could live through a 90 mph crash.

Though motorcycles are powerful and sexy, and their riders have that special aura, I'm afraid of them. A college friend shattered his leg in a 30 mph crash; the repair and rehab were torturous. He will probably always limp. Worse than that, my dad's right arm is paralyzed from a crash 30 years ago. Not only did he lose the use of his arm, he's dealt with neck pain from the damaged nerves all these years.

Best wishes for your friend's speedy recovery. You're a great person for jumping in to help.

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Originally Posted by Santarea

Just got in from the ICU. I'm fine. One of my best boys at work took a spill late last night. They estimate he was going 90. Skidded, his body dragged for 20 yards. He's in a medically induced coma for the next day or so. he'll live, he will be OK.

But he will live and walk and talk and think clearly... I know I am being superficial. But he will have skin grafted to his face, most likely... I know he will be OK, I worrrrry for him that he won't be *the same*.

Off to take it out on others, now.

My hugs and warm thoughts to you and your friend as well.

He is lucky to have someone like you in his corner. I am glad he's okay.

Like Tall One said, Motorcycles are "Oh so Sexy" but I have seen my friends get in some horrific accidents on bikes. Oddly enough, it's usually OTHER drivers that are the cause of the majority of motorcycle accidents.

Manimal wants one, but I told him he has to wait til we have a place in the Country. It's just so friggin dangerous here in the city. People just don't pay attention to Motorcyclists.

Holler if you need anything..

*Squeezy Hugs*

[DrenchedInGin]

Oh! You're pretty. Pretty, pretty, pretty!

Santarea, many thoughts of healing to your friend and to you.

[WolfMoon]

Santarea, I hope he takes it well.

If his sons want you there you're probably more of a friend than you realize. I often get very attached to people that I'm around alot. Most of the people I really care a lot about don't even know it.

Get some rest, babe, you deserve it.

*HUGZ*

[sensuous0mar]

Okay...major rant...about my roommate. So my blender, it worked the last time I used it. I take it out to use it this morning to make a kick ass smoothie for breakfast - I cut up the fruit, put the juice in, the ice, plug in the blender, hit the chop button and *silence*.

Nothing. Not a god damn thing! Who broke my EFFING BLENDER?! I had to pour my soupy mixture of unsmoothielike fruit concoction into a cup and drink/chew it so I wouldn't end up throwing it away and wasting it. Now did the blender magically break or did my roommate use it while I was off at my exboyfriends apartment last semester and break the shit out of it like she's done to many of my other appliances? Hmm....I wonder.

Now I have to buy a new blender! WTF?!

[sensuous0mar]

Obviously, people don't understand how important my blender and my breakfast smoothies are to me.

[Dezmodontidite]

*more so tells a story then rants*

Last semester I had to take another Religion class because I was apparently 'deeply interested in learning about MY Catholic Religion'. Or thats what it said on my report card anyway. [Don't know what the crap my Religion teacher was thinking, I'm not even Catholic] But by the time I realized I was in a Religion class I had already sat down with some people who think I'm rad and two weeks had passed, so I was unable to change to a more important class like English or Math. So I made the best of a boring class.

Now, on one particular day my Teacher [who also happend to be my Art teacher] had split up the class into two large groups to get our material for a debate together. Unfortunaly my group, which was made up of pot-smokers and Skater punks, was in complete and utter chaos with people just randomly yelling random and vulgar things [someone actually wrote a dirty word on my binder when I was in the bathroom] So I attempted to bring a little peace;

Apparently, that's were I went wrong.

This little bleach blonde girl [we'll call her C-B] looks right at me and says "Well maybe if you didn't complain so much we'd be done by now. God, why don't you go slit your wrists, you freak."

[Ironically, we were comming up with reasons why Humans are good hearted by nature.]

I raised my eyebrow and stared at her for a minute, then turned around and sat down at another table and giggled. I didn't even wanna go there and correct her that I wasn't complaining, nor was I suicidal. My friend came over to me about a minute later and told me that this C-B was 'mocking me' by taking a ruler and running it along her wrists and making sobing noises. I told her not to pay any mind and we sat there and started drawing a happy little apple in my sketch book [Bowtie included].

I was way pissed that his girl that didn't even know my name was saying false things about me to my face. I seriously wanted to take a knife to her face, so I did the next best thing and drew a picture of her in little pieces. So it's nearing the end of class, and she walks up behind me and points to the picture and asks "So, is that me all cut up into little bloody pieces". And stupid me, I replied "sure is". So she grabs my sketch book, and runs to the teacher and is all "MRS HUNT! MRS HUNT! LOOK WHAT THAT GIRL DREW!" This brought me to tears and I ran out of the room, my rad friends following me.

Then about a week later, I went to Mrs.Hunt and asked her if I could have my skecth book back. I assumed she would as I'm "The art teacher's pet". She shurged and said "I'm sorry, but I had to report it. Oh [Dezmodontidite], that was a powerful image, why'd you draw it?" I sighed and just left without anwsering her question.

Eventually, they called me and C-B into the Vice-Principal's office, ON MY FRICKIN' BIRTHDAY, and we all talked about the things that happened. And apparently the reason why C-B being rude to and mocking me was because her friend...B-C...was telling her I was talking smack about C-B behind her back. I didn't even know C-B, I only knew her name.

And in the end...they sent both myself and C-B to the Guidence Counciler...on my birthday. They called my mom, but fortunatly, she was cool about it because she knows I'm a sensitive kid.

I did end up getting my skecth book back, about a month and a half later, and 7 pictures lighter T.T boy I was pissed. I'm still pissed. I went to the Guidence Counciler and asked for the pictures but she said she felt it'd be better for my mental status if I didn't have them.

Dammit, I'm still pissed. D= The pictures she ripped out were some of my betters. BAH T.T *shakes fist*

[Manimal]

Holy Hell I wish I had nothing but Highschool problems again... And the pathetically short day and easy workload. Wow that'd be better than a vacation - which I've never really had.

<sob>

Of course when I was in highschool I was working full time as well (and haven't stopped since ) but even still life was very simple.

[edible_eye]

what the fuck's T.T?

[Circle V]

A symbol, in the vein of :) or ^.^, for a pissed-off expression.

I hate those symbols.

>.<

[Disfunction]

Alright... Yesterday I boarded a train and arrived in time to be picked up by my aunt and uncle who were waiting for me at the station.

Blah blah blah...

I walked into the hospital to be greeted by my sister who had a rather sober expression painted on her face. My mother was seated in the waiting room and my dad was wandering about somewhere. I walked into the critical care unit and saw her lying there, sedated, with a breathing tube down her throat (I don't remember the name of the actual mechanism), as well a feeding tube up her nose, and an IV directly in her neck.

She was lying there, squirming periodically. As I'd learned, apparently it had started that she'd lost the ability to swallow, and while in the hospital she'd lost the ability to breathe out. Something to that affect. It was explained to me that initially she was using an oxygen mask, but that while the oxygen could get in, she was unable to get the carbon dioxide out.

I saw this machine breathing for her. I was hearing people talking about getting something talked a G tube (or something phonetically similar) which would go directly into her stomach to feed her. I heard people telling stories about how she would wake up and start unhooking herself, or how she'd communicate unsuccessfully through hand signals and clapping.

I saw all of this, and I couldn't put a name to it then, and I still can't put a name to it now, but I felt something inside of me...

They had given her a CAT scan with no sign of a stroke, but there's soon to be an MRI. I don't really understand medicine, so I'm not even going to pretend that I know what's quality for what, where lies the best bang for your buck. All I know is that I saw her there, and she looked all but dead. I didn't cry then, and I still haven't cried now. There is nothing I have inside of me to convey through language or action anything I am feeling right now. I want more than anything to find something to occupy my time. I want to be able to fill it with sheer nothingness.

And I wonder if any of this makes sense.


And then I saw my grandfather who suffers from dimentia and is lacking in short term memory. Each day he's gone to see her, he's been reliving it for the first time. I'd never seen the man cry, and there he was trying to hold it in, and he couldn't. The next morning, he'd forgotten. The next morning, all he knew was that my father and I had spent the night at their place. He didn't know my mother was in town at my uncle's, nor my sister.

I saw him cleaning up around the house, just fiddling with things here and there, and it tore me up inside, and I'm not sure if I know why. He loves her. They've been together all of this time, and though he's filled with pride, though he jokingly flirts with other women at their retirement home (it's more complex than a retirment home, and they actually have something more akin to a suite), he loves the woman. Though he can't take care of her, he loves her. And it's heart-wrenching to see it.

When I was younger, I saw my grandparents all the time, and then when we moved to the states, the opportunity never came up. So gradually, I forgot about all of the good times when my grandfather would give my sister, cousins, and I coins by pretending to pull them out of our ears. I'd forgotten about sitting on my grandfather's lap, and my grandmother's laugh. I'd forgotten about how sweet these people had been to me, expecting nothing at all in return.

I moved back to Canada, and the visits grew more frequent, and slowly I guess I started to remember the feeling, if not the events. I really do love them, and I really do miss them, and while I was taking more time to get to know them in the past while, I regret that I didn't recognize how wonderful they truly were sooner. Any sense of humour I have today is from my grandmother.

I have an amazing family. I have an amazing father. And mother. And sister.

I realize I'm rambling along about a dozen tangents, but I really don't know where I'm going with this. We're all almost certain that there's no choice left but to pull the plug. My sister and I listened to a song during the car ride home that had been used in celebration of their 50th anniversary. It just happened to come on, and she asked me if she should change the song, and I said no, and I felt memories flood in. I wish I could just cry, or I wish I could be out with friends, or I wish I could be at her side and whisper into her ear that I love her and have her remember that before she goes. I want to tell her random stuff that hasn't really particularly mattered but it's out there, because I don't want her to be more depressed than she already is.

I can't write anymore, but that's as close to an update as my mind will let me go.

[edible_eye]

the new color strategy of eyesofatragedy...

http://www.baltercatalogue.com/image...r-scarf-lg.jpg

... and that's hot.

[Circle V]

Disfunction... I really don't know what to say. I've never experienced anything even remotely approaching what you're going through. I hope it's enough to know that Gothic.net and I are thinking about you and your family. I wish the best for you and your grandparents, whatever that may be.

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Originally Posted by Disfunction

I wish I could be at her side and whisper into her ear that I love her and have her remember that before she goes.

She does know that Dis. Believe me she does.

Who she is, her essence, isn't changed by what her body is doing now..

She knows all of you love her very much, I really believe that..

I went through the same thing with my Grandfather, when I was a few years younger than you.

He also had tubes down his throat that prevented him from talking, and being the strong and proud man that he was, he hated it with a passion.

I thought all of the same things that you are thinking, and it broke my heart..

But watching him laying there in the bed, so small and frail, I realized that no matter what his body was doing, his heart and his soul were still intact. All of his love for us, and all of his happy memories, would be part of him always. Just as he would be part of us always.

You don't have to believe in God to believe that the core of what we are as living beings, is Eternal.

At her deepest level, she knows how all of you feel about her.

I am so sorry for your pain and your families pain..
I am here if you need to talk, or ramble, or vent..

You're not alone, and neither is she.. Ok?

Hang in there, and don't push yourself to 'feel' anything in particular.

It will all flow from you, just the way it should.
There is no right or wrong way to be in this experience.

I know if she could, she would tell you how proud she is of the wonderful man you have become. She is blessed to have a Grandson like you. Don't forget that..

*Squeezy Hugs*

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

I'll post my Rant separately.

Last night my legs out from under me again and I fell down our stairs at home.

All the way down. Ugh.

My Hellspawn caught me at the bottom, and to his credit didn't get upset til he picked me up off the floor.

About an hour later, my abdomen started to swell and hurt like hell.

So I drove myself to Urgent Care because I didn't want Manimal to have to bring the kids that late for what I knew was going to be a long night.

When I got there, they promptly tried to put me in an ambulance and send me to the Emergency Room. Which I refused, because it's too spendy. They ended up putting me in a cab, because they wouldn't let me drive myself.

I got to the ER and they met the cab with a Wheelchair and got me in right away. Which was definitely a first.

They did an Ultrasound, took some X-rays, and did an IV Contrast Cat Scan.

It turns out I bruised my Spleen very badly, and bruised my Ribs on the same side..

It just sounds soooooo lame, and I feel like such a Tool.

" Hi, I bruised my Spleen! "

*Sigh*

So I'm supposed to 'rest' as much as possible, and get into see my doctor as soon as I can next week.

I feel like someone dropped a house on me.. Meh.

The ER Doc was also very concerned about my repeated loss of Motor Control, as am I.

" You be sure and get your doctor to figure out what's causing that.."

YA THINK??

Fucking Sigh..

The last time it happened, I was leaving the Grocery store on my Hellspawns Birthday, with an armful of Groceries. One minute I'm walking, the next minute I am on the concrete. This nice man helped me up, and picked up my groceries for me. I was simply mortified.

I'm scared and frustrated about what's happening to my Body..

I just really need a break.. So bad.. So very bad..

*pulls covers over head*

[Wise Child]

Oh, I'm sorry, E_P_S. I can't imagine how scary and frustrating it may be, but I guess all you can do is take it easy for a while, and let other people wait on you. It must be a pain, but doctor's orders are doctor's orders, so get those feet up! Like I said, I can't imagine what it must be like to live with the problems you have as well as having a child - which, from what I've heard, takes it out of even people who are at full strength! Anyone who can deal with it with your common sense, resiliance and sense of humour is extremely deserving of respect. Period.

Have a cup of virtual tea. *proffers tea* Sorry it can't be real tea. I'd put lots of milk and sugar in it

[JuliaGaltic]

Oh EPS, it pains me to hear that you're going through such scary and frustrating times. We're here for you, I'm here for you.

I'm very glad you have such wonderful support at home. Please let us know what you're doctor says if it's not too personal. I'm concerned.

*bear hugs*

Feel better hon, really.

[PhilSmith]

(hugs EPS) I'd say 'get well soon', but that sounds a bit tired. Hope something positive in that direction happens before too long anyway.

[edible_eye]

eps - i'm thinking of you, babe. missing you, too.

[Pathogen.]

E_P_S: What your body's going through sounds serious. The most you could do right now is take it easy. Much love from me & the rest of Gothic.Net.

[mortalitas incomitatus]

my myspace is being a bitch and wont let me log in.
i think i might go bitch-slap it.
f**kin' mysace.

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Thanks you guys..

I swear without the support of Everyone here and from Manimal, I would have fallen apart long ago..

It's been a long weekend and I still feel like I went nine rounds with Muhhamad Ali and lost. But I am hanging in there, and checking into what it would cost to get me fitted with a Bubble.


EPS the Bubble Girl!!

Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?

*snort*

Thanks though, for all your Love, Ass Grabs and Support..

Couldn't do it without you guys..

*Big Wet Smooches & Squeezy Hugs*

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Well you're welcome in my Bed err House anytime, Pretty..

For Real.

One of these days I am going to figure out how to have a Gnet Meet Up so we can all get together and party our fucking asses off.

Naked, Of Course..



Love Ya Girlie.. *Smooches Xng*

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Well there was one on Halloween last year.

The next thing is the World Horror Convention in San Francisco which I will be attending/voluteering at health permitted.. It's in May.

Plus Clive barker is the Guest of Honor..

Author of my favorite Horror Novel EVAH!! Imajica..

Here's the link to the Webpage for those interested in attending;

www.whc2006.org

However, in the meantime you can can go to the Spooky Con website and watch the Muppets Manamana Song with me..

That song pretty much never gets old. Manimal and I sing it at home often.

Manamana.. Doo dooo dooo.. Manamana.. Doo Dee doo Doo.. Manamana..

http://www.spookycon.com/

Everybodeeee......... Manamana.. Doo doo dee Dooo....

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y10...Stars/1022.gif

[Nike]

E_P_S- I can only echo what others have said before - I'm deeply sorry for the pain you have to go through and I admire you for your strength.
If you should ever need anything you think I could help you with, just let me know.

Keep fighting!