"Whirlwind romance", my well-moisturized ass.

[Pineapple_Juice]

http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/166278/?page=1&



Some of these people are fucking ridiculous. A month later? Three days?

And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high.

[SiouxsiePernova]

I wonder why some of the respondents were in such a rush to get married.

[creature6]

"We met, about 12 hours later, he told me he was going to marry me and we eloped to Vegas 3 days later. Been married 10+ year"

i'm surprised they are still married.
it's crazy to marry someone that you hardly know.
i think it's fucking suicidal but in some cases it seems to work.
Still i don't see the rush in doing so.

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

I'd rather be a little more careful with a commitment like that. Glad it's worked out for these people, but I wouldn't risk it.

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by creature6

"We met, about 12 hours later, he told me he was going to marry me and we eloped to Vegas 3 days later. Been married 10+ year".

In the absense of any other information, that does seem crazy. But they're still together. I dated my ex for 5 years before we got married and it didn't last as long. Does that mean we dated too long? Or that we were the exception to the rule?

Here are a couple of things I know.

1) The divorce rate is much higher than it used to be because divorce is much more socially acceptable than it used to be. More people stayed married in the past because they felt they had to. That is true. How much that affects the statistics and how much rushing into marriage affects the statistics is unknowable; I don't believe there is a way to devise a study that can assess the proportional impact of both influences.

2) Some couple have met each other, dated briefly, and had long, happy marriages. Some couples have had protracted, beautiful courtships and then had the marriage go down in flames. It has more to do with the character of the two people involved than with the length of time spent on getting to know each other.

3) Some people don't ask the important questions until after they get married. That's a problem no matter how long you date.

[creature6]

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

In the absense of any other information, that does seem crazy. But they're still together.

There were no other information when i look it up.

[quote] I dated my ex for 5 years before we got married and it didn't last as long. Does that mean we dated too long? Or that we were the exception to the rule?[QUOTE/]

Is there any rules when it come to relationships?Either it work or it doesn't.
i don't believe like some people do to work through problems by going to counselling .

1) The divorce rate is much higher than it used to be because divorce is much more socially acceptable than it used to be. More people stayed married in the past because they felt they had to. That is true. How much that affects the statistics and how much rushing into marriage affects the statistics is unknowable; I don't believe there is a way to devise a study that can assess the proportional impact of both influences.

Divorce rate (most recent) by country .

# 1 United States: 4.95 per 1,000 people
# 2 Puerto Rico: 4.47 per 1,000 people
# 3 Russia: 3.36 per 1,000 people
# 4 United Kingdom: 3.08 per 1,000 people
# 5 Denmark: 2.81 per 1,000 people
# 6 New Zealand: 2.63 per 1,000 people
# 7 Australia: 2.52 per 1,000 people
# 8 Canada: 2.46 per 1,000 people
# 9 Finland: 1.85 per 1,000 people
# 10 Barbados: 1.21 per 1,000 people
# 11 Guadeloupe: 1.18 per 1,000 people
# 12 Qatar: 0.97 per 1,000 people
# 13 Portugal: 0.88 per 1,000 people
# 14 Albania: 0.83 per 1,000 people
# 15 Tunisia: 0.82 per 1,000 people
# 16 Singapore: 0.8 per 1,000 people
# 17 China: 0.79 per 1,000 people
# 18 Greece: 0.76 per 1,000 people
# 19 Brunei: 0.72 per 1,000 people
# 20 Panama: 0.68 per 1,000 people
# 21 Syria: 0.65 per 1,000 people
# 22 Thailand: 0.58 per 1,000 people
# 23 Mauritius: 0.47 per 1,000 people
# 24 Ecuador: 0.42 per 1,000 people
# 25 El Salvador: 0.41 per 1,000 people
# 26 Cyprus: 0.39 per 1,000 people
= 27 Chile: 0.38 per 1,000 people
= 27 Jamaica: 0.38 per 1,000 people
= 29 Mongolia: 0.37 per 1,000 people
= 29 Turkey: 0.37 per 1,000 people
# 31 Mexico: 0.33 per 1,000 people
# 32 Italy: 0.27 per 1,000 people
# 33 Brazil: 0.26 per 1,000 people
# 34 Sri Lanka: 0.15 per 1,000 people
Weighted average: 1.3 per 1,000 people .

(http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/pe...e-divorce-rate)

Marriage rate (most recent) by country

# 1 United States: 9.8
# 2 Russia: 8.9
# 3 Czech Republic: 8.4
# 4 Romania: 8.3
# 5 Portugal: 7.3
= 6 Israel: 7
= 6 New Zealand: 7
= 8 Australia: 6.9
= 8 Switzerland: 6.9
# 10 United Kingdom: 6.8
= 11 Bulgaria: 6.7
= 11 Poland: 6.7
# 13 Belgium: 6.6
# 14 Germany: 6.5
= 15 Hungary: 6.4
= 15 Netherlands: 6.4
# 17 Luxembourg: 6.2
# 18 Denmark: 6.1
= 19 Austria: 5.8
= 19 Greece: 5.8
= 19 Japan: 5.8
# 22 Italy: 5.4
# 23 Norway: 5.2
# 24 France: 5.1
# 25 Ireland: 5
# 26 Finland: 4.8
# 27 Sweden: 4.7
Weighted average: 6.5 .


([url]http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_mar_rat-people-marriage-rate[/url)

2) Some couple have met each other, dated briefly, and had long, happy marriages. Some couples have had protracted, beautiful courtships and then had the marriage go down in flames. It has more to do with the character of the two people involved than with the length of time spent on getting to know each other.

that's true still why the rush to get married.

3) Some people don't ask the important questions until after they get married. That's a problem no matter how long you date.

that's just cowardice.It's important to communicate in a relationship .

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by creature6

that's just cowardice.It's important to communicate in a relationship .

Not true, there are many things that just don't enter your mind until after they are a problem. It is kind of like when I had my first roommate there were a lot of things that we just didn't think of (and most of our friend had never had roommates so we didn't have their advice to go on) but the next time around I knew what to ask people before we agreed to be roommates (and I have a lot of advice for my friends), which is why it is important to get a lot of input from other people who have been there.

[Saya]

Thats why I have a questionairre handy in case someone proposes.

"This might sound crazy, but will you marry me?"

"Well that depends on your score on this little quiz. First question, how did you vote in the last election?"

[creature6]

Originally Posted by Solumina

Not true, there are many things that just don't enter your mind until after they are a problem. It is kind of like when I had my first roommate there were a lot of things that we just didn't think of (and most of our friend had never had roommates so we didn't have their advice to go on) but the next time around I knew what to ask people before we agreed to be roommates (and I have a lot of advice for my friends), which is why it is important to get a lot of input from other people who have been there.

i'm talking about a relationship with someone not someone that you just live with.
i just don't believe that in some case you can sort things out.
In some cases the problem is too big and you can't not carry on with the relationship.That's when people break up and go separate ways .

[Solumina]

Yeah as I said it is like when you move in with people, I never said that things related to living with someone are the only important things, I was saying that not talking about something is mostly because that something doesn't come up unless something brings it up such as a conflict or talking to someone who has been there and not due to fear or cowardice, sorry if that was too hard to comprehend.

[Ben Lahnger]

Creature6, nice post except all those global statistics that you dug up (which I could have provided) do not address my statement ...

which was that people used to stay married more because divorce was socially less acceptable then.

Since insufficient surveys were done in those days to ask people why they got divorced or why they stayed married, and since neither you, I or anyone else has a time machine, my statement that "How much that affects the statistics and how much rushing into marriage affects the statistics is unknowable; I don't believe there is a way to devise a study that can assess the proportional impact of both influences" is true. And the statistics you posted cannot be contrasted against any study for an earlier period with the necessary but unobtainable inclusion of possible social and enviromental causality.

But it was a lovely list on figures, thank you.

As Mark Twain said, "There are three kinds of untruths; lies, damn lies and statistics."

[Ben Lahnger]

Also, my ex told me she was interested in having kids and then when we got married she changed her mind. If I had married her in a hurry instead of dating for 5 years first, maybe I could have been single again sooner and found someone who wanted to have kids. Or maybe she would have had kids at that time ... who knows.

[creature6]

Originally Posted by Solumina

Yeah as I said it is like when you move in with people, I never said that things related to living with someone are the only important things, I was saying that not talking about something is mostly because that something doesn't come up unless something brings it up such as a conflict or talking to someone who has been there and not due to fear or cowardice, sorry if that was too hard to comprehend.

i don't have trouble to understand .Thank you for your concern but for fuck sake you could have chosen a better example .
It's as if when people ask me what's my name then for sure i'll answer 25 sir.
If you have to wait for a conflict to arise in order to know the person you are with is fucked up.

[Pantherlette086]

Marriage frightens me.

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by creature6

i don't have trouble to understand .Thank you for your concern but for fuck sake you could have chosen a better example .
It's as if when people ask me what's my name then for sure i'll answer 25 sir.
If you have to wait for a conflict to arise in order to know the person you are with is fucked up.

What exactly was wrong with my example? I stated my opinion first then gave an example that clearly pertained to that opinion.


Plus there is nothing wrong with conflict, it is a normal part of any relationship, it doesn't mean a fight or anything close to a fight and it isn't fucked up, plus I never said that you don't know the person you are with but you will never know every facet of your partner so it is natural for you to learn something new about them when a new situation arises.

[Anarasha]

I don't even understand why people get married in the first place.
It holds no financial or social advantages, your finger will slowly rot if it grows too large for your wedding ring, divorce is expensive, marriage parties cost even more, your legal rights on what's yours are suddenly gone, etc. etc. etc.
/Vent

[ZyklonB]

Originally Posted by Anarasha

I don't even understand why people get married in the first place.
It holds no financial or social advantages, your finger will slowly rot if it grows too large for your wedding ring, divorce is expensive, marriage parties cost even more, your legal rights on what's yours are suddenly gone, etc. etc. etc.
/Vent

For sure it helps with finances if you don't have kids. Do you know how many things you could do as a DINK? (Double Income No Kids) Along with some advantage with taxes from what I understand here in the U.S.

I have some friends that are like that, and they're livin' the life vacationing wherever they want, etc.

You don't NEED a big party. If I ever get married, fuck no. My current SO also thinks the same way, so if it ever goes down that road we already know each other's stances on that shit. As well as the advantages to being a DINK.

If your worried about what's yours, get a prenup.

[creature6]

Originally Posted by Solumina

What exactly was wrong with my example? I stated my opinion first then gave an example that clearly pertained to that opinion.


Plus there is nothing wrong with conflict, it is a normal part of any relationship, it doesn't mean a fight or anything close to a fight and it isn't fucked up, plus I never said that you don't know the person you are with but you will never know every facet of your partner so it is natural for you to learn something new about them when a new situation arises.

i don't think it takes a conflict to know all the facet of your partner.
i don't believe that it apply to any relationship as if i speak for myself i never had any conflict with the person i'm with and i don't need to get into a conflict to discover him and know all his facets.
i do know him on every level .

As for your example ,i thought you could have choose a better one.
a room mate is not a good example.

[Anarasha]

Originally Posted by ZyklonB

For sure it helps with finances if you don't have kids. Do you know how many things you could do as a DINK? (Double Income No Kids) Along with some advantage with taxes from what I understand here in the U.S.

I have some friends that are like that, and they're livin' the life vacationing wherever they want, etc.

You don't NEED a big party. If I ever get married, fuck no. My current SO also thinks the same way, so if it ever goes down that road we already know each other's stances on that shit. As well as the advantages to being a DINK.

If your worried about what's yours, get a prenup.

Well I stand corrected. In America, marriage may have some financial advantages.
But here in Denmark, you don't need to be married to achieve this so-called "DINK" thing. Taxes do not change if you marry.
So in Denmark, marriage is superficial.

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

Originally Posted by Anarasha

Well I stand corrected. In America, marriage may have some financial advantages.
But here in Denmark, you don't need to be married to achieve this so-called "DINK" thing. Taxes do not change if you marry.
So in Denmark, marriage is superficial.

However, one house or rent payment instead of two separate will save money. It's one of countless examples of financial advantages to sharing property and assets. Marriage also provides legal protection - think of it as a business or financial partnership - in that if one partner dies or is incapable of carrying out decisions, the other needs to be able to retain a claim to their shared assets and to give directives. A partnership formalised by something like marriage provides that protection.

It isn't a terribly romantic perspective, but it is only one facet of the relationship. Really you could have all of the romantic elements without a legal commitment, but there is an advantage if you choose to have your union recognised by the state.

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by ZyklonB

\If your worried about what's yours, get a prenup.

Because lord knows those marriages that start off with a prenup are going to do well.

If the first step you take before you join in marriage is an act of distrust, you really shouldn't get married ... you're kinda missing the point.

P.S. - As with anything else in life, if you're more afraid of the risks than you are covetous of the benefits, you're going to have a safer but ultimately less satisfying experience.

And that's coming from a divorced man.

[ZyklonB]

That is true Ben, but that's why I said if you're really worried about all your stuff. Personally I wouldn't get one because if I ever go down the marriage road, it's going to be when I know (or at least feel) that it would work.

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by creature6

i don't think it takes a conflict to know all the facet of your partner.
i don't believe that it apply to any relationship as if i speak for myself i never had any conflict with the person i'm with and i don't need to get into a conflict to discover him and know all his facets.
i do know him on every level .

I'm sorry to be blunt but if you have never had any conflict then you either have a very superficial relationship, a very short relationship, or you are in denial. It is also incredibly naive to think that you know someone on every level. You don't sound like some dumb little kid so I am very surprised to see such idealistic crap coming from you.

Originally Posted by creature6

As for your example ,i thought you could have choose a better one.
a room mate is not a good example.

In most cases a roommate is someone you have known for a while and there is something that changes the dynamics of your relationship, much like a marriage does in a romantic relationship, why isn't that a good example?

[creature6]

Originally Posted by Solumina

I'm sorry to be blunt but if you have never had any conflict then you either have a very superficial relationship, a very short relationship, or you are in denial. It is also incredibly naive to think that you know someone on every level. You don't sound like some dumb little kid so I am very surprised to see such idealistic crap coming from you.


In most cases a roommate is someone you have known for a while and there is something that changes the dynamics of your relationship, much like a marriage does in a romantic relationship, why isn't that a good example?

I do not have a superficial relationship and i 'm not in denial.
We do talk a lot .We happen to be on the same level so what's wrong with that.
That's actually the man that i 'll spend the rest of my days with and it's not some idealistic crap.
I just happened to have found my soul mate.

[I_Zik]

Lucky you. Most will never get a glance at theirs. (here's the part where you rip into me with things like I'll never get married or something LoL)
I think the divorce/marriage rate are high is because people are used to a disposable society, and just plain not talking about the nitty gritty stuff or the things that actually matter. It's for better or worse, and I think alot of people are just not willing to fix something. They probably would rather go out and get a new husband or wife rather than fixing their material/emotional problems.