Rant Thread - Page 40

Demonista_Ravenesque · 11-04-2005, 09:21 PM

Oh Jane...It's ok, That was a small bit of an angst moment...Sorry

Disfunction · 11-04-2005, 09:22 PM

I'm tired of my relationship troubles, miscommunication and perhaps an over-indulgence in the internet romance lifestyle. I wish that I actually had the capacity to attain a relationship outside of the crutch that online communication has become for me.

This one girl that I really care about, deeply enoug that I'd label it love, informed me today that she believes she is IN love with me. She and I both made an agreement that we would save that particular comment for when we met each other in person, after we learned about all of the related quirks and flaws in the outside world. She seemed rather distraught, and the more I tried to explain my motivation (regardless of how similarly I find myself feeling, I feel the abstinence from the terms is of utmost importance if she and I will be capable of any mode of success) but that seemed to only make the situation worse.

I honestly wish that I didn't have a romantic capacity; I'm tired of all of this... shit that seems to fall into my lap unexpectedly... I love this girl a lot, but I swear that waiting until this summer to meet her is going to be hell; much more painful if down the road she and I have a falling out.

-----

Just so I don't make it seem like life is all bad, one of my ex-girlfriends did give me chocolate fudge as an early birthday present.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 11-04-2005, 09:44 PM

Sorry to hear about that Disfunction

BlueMoon · 11-05-2005, 10:12 PM

ok, this is not something that's gonna keep me pissed off forever but this thread is for ranting. And it's pissing me off right now so....

Warning: this is probably boring (most rant is and whine is)

I am an assistant manager at the local domino's (wich in itself sucks) and I close every saturday, we stay open til 3 in the morning and I start at 6 in the eve.
After eight o'clock we're supposed to be 3, I and 2 drivers. but my boss keeps fucking it up and now f.x. we were just two.
But i't was ok...not so busy and seemed as I would be able to go home early, that is before 4 in the morning.
But NO!
It was 10 minutes till closing, 10 fucking minutes and almost everything was done!
Then a delivery comes on screen....and another...and another.
In 10 minutes 6 deliverys came up...and I had just one driver!!!
And the driver can only take 2 at a time and I of course can't take any of them.
Well that's almost anhour and a half and it takes me at least 20 min. to finish the thingamajikiwatchamacallit with counting the money and stuff...wich I can only do when when the driver is back with his drivers purse ...grrr
So I finished the cleaning my driver is supposed to do while I count and then had to wait for my driver who then had to wait for me to go to the bank.
and I was home at around 5!
11 hours at work is not fun!!
I HATE when people order pizzas just before closing...and I HATE when a lot of people order at the same time after the rush (between 18:00 and 20:00!!
this happening together....and just when it seemed it would be one of those rare NICE saturdays...GRRR

well...small and unimportant rant done....for now

I'll have plenty work related rant after a few days since megaweek is starting on monday

........told you this was boring

The Minister Saint-Fond · 11-06-2005, 09:42 AM

I used to work at a pizza place. We only took carry-out orders from 15-minutes-to-closing until close. We would tell people that the driver left for the night and we couldn't get them their pizza unless they came and got it. It was a little faster than trying to do deliveries and without having to worry about tips, it was easier to cash out before hand. Additionally, after midnight, most people will cancel and order if they can't have it delivered.

Of course, we weren't a big chain like Domino's and we didn't have a corporate policy against lying. But, I would be willing to bet that at 3:00 AM, nobody gives a damn.

Disfunction · 11-06-2005, 08:50 PM

Update: She decided it was best left ended.

I'm not in a healthy state of mind, but thanks to the wonders of psychological help, I'm not suicidal. This is a sign of maturity... or some shit like that.

edible_eye · 11-06-2005, 09:20 PM

what?!?

how the hell did that leap take place? dis - what in the world is going on over there? and why are you so afraid to have someone care about you?

at some point, man - you've gotta realize that others take just as much of a risk opening themselves to you as you do accepting them.

i don't believe she decided anything about this on her own. if you're gonna take the time to get to know someone, guess what - you're eventually gonna find that they're attracted to you. that's the price you pay for being a good guy. don't let her walk away. don't give up so easily something you just said you value.

and for god's sake, man - let the girl feel what she feels.

Disfunction · 11-06-2005, 10:02 PM

Believe me, edible.. I may have said little... but I've by no means given up yet. I'm not saying that I wanted it to end, and even part of her doesn't want to end it, but she did end it. She said we'd talk about it more tomorrow, but I'm not exactly optimistic about what's coming around the corner.

The thing that you probably didn't take from my initial post is that she and I haven't met in person; it's just the internet. We didn't want to say that we were in love with each other because of the idea that you only get part of the idea of a person through the internet, and that it's better to know the whole before you jump to those kinds of conclusions. In fact, it was she who initially pitched the idea.

If I were giving up on her, I probably wouldn't be talking about it, anyway... I think I just need to sleep. Maybe I'll have a better idea of what I can do or say in the morning. This has been a horrible month, though.

tekajo · 11-06-2005, 10:19 PM

Dis, she ended it after she heard your 'motivations', right?...man, when it's time to say "i'm in love" you have to say it or let it be said, regardless of the situation.

i've been there, in your exact situation twice. i think i fucked this last one up pretty good...anyway, if theres anything akin to love there, do not abandon it.

tekajo · 11-06-2005, 10:21 PM

oh, forgot to rant:
Fuck the fucking fucktard fuckers!

edible_eye · 11-06-2005, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disfunction

Believe me, edible.. I may have said little... but I've by no means given up yet. I'm not saying that I wanted it to end, and even part of her doesn't want to end it, but she did end it. She said we'd talk about it more tomorrow, but I'm not exactly optimistic about what's coming around the corner.

The thing that you probably didn't take from my initial post is that she and I haven't met in person; it's just the internet.

dis, dis, dis. despite the fact it might have been "just the internet", never lose sight of the fact that REAL PEOPLE ( you and her ) are on either side of the computer screen, typing what they feel to each other. i understood exactly what you said in your initial post - and what i'm telling you is... despite whatever parameters you might have laid down about what you were both allowed to feel in the beginning, human emotion got in the way. deal with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by disfunction

We didn't want to say that we were in love with each other because of the idea that you only get part of the idea of a person through the internet, and that it's better to know the whole before you jump to those kinds of conclusions. In fact, it was she who initially pitched the idea.

bah. all facets of a relationship grow by taking chances. and i don't care who set what guidelines you're talking about - she told you she was in love with you. that's what worthy of exploration, if you care about her - not some rule you guys established sometime in the past.

Quote:

Originally Posted by disfunction

If I were giving up on her, I probably wouldn't be talking about it, anyway... I think I just need to sleep. Maybe I'll have a better idea of what I can do or say in the morning. This has been a horrible month, though.

fuck the month and its difficulties. you're gonna have months more shitty than you believed possible as time goes on. you can't abandon what's important to you just because it seems like all the gods have aligned everything fucked up and shitty to hit you all at once.

get some sleep and if this is important to you (and her), get your shit together.

Disfunction · 11-06-2005, 10:58 PM

If I were to be completely honest right now, I'd say that I've been really shaken up by all of this, and I fought with every ounce of strength I had in me to keep this from falling apart. I didn't want her to say she was in love with me in case she met me and completely changed her mind. When I told her about it, I was only saying it because in the past I'd made the "mistake" of saying that I was in love with her, and she would correct my use. Then I stopped. I was just doing it because I thought that's what she'd want and I wanted to look out for her. I even told her that I wasn't bothered and that I understood entirely what she meant... but... yes. I know there's a lot more to this than I'm actually taking in, and I spent most of the time she and I were conversing breaking down into tears and doing all that I could do just to maintain my composure, and even then failing.

She's been there for me through so much, and I've tried to do the same for her, and as far as she's said to me, I have been. She and I both have trust issues, but somehow I've managed to trust her all the same while she's been... a little more shaky when it came to me. Today, she even brought up the fact that since I've been involved with people romantically on the internet (and I didn't mean to belittle this method of introduction to other people, I've just been flamed for it again and again that I just take that path of least resistence; I'd never back down from admitting that I love this girl, though) that I may have used the same "lines" on them that I've used on her... that every kind word I've delivered her way could be little more than a regurgitation of a well-loved verse.

On top of that, she's horribly self-depricating, and she continues to tell me how I can achieve so much better than her, when I keep coming back at her not only with the comment that I can't do better, but also that I don't want anyone else, because they wouldn't be her. I wake up to thoughts of her in the morning, and go to sleep hugging one of my pillows pretending it's her just so that I can slip by in reality with some semblance of sanity. I phoned her last night for three hours when I was only supposed to talk for thirty minutes, and that means I'm going to owe my parents extra money (which I didn't mind at all, but she kept reminding me about the size of the phone bill, and when I finally thought I heard movement from my parents upstairs, I told her that I had to go, but I neglected to tell her that I loved her; she brought the latter portion up today).

I'm not exactly the best with relationships, as I always feel that I seem to mess them up somehow, but I wanted nothing more than for this relationship to work. I've been piecing together pieces of information for gifts that I can get her, things that I know she's wanted to do but hasn't had the opportunity, and even if I fail to help her see that I want nothing more than for she and I to have a chance at a relationship together.. I still want to be able to do what I can for her, no matter how much it may hurt knowing that I can't have her. I'm going to fight for this until I've given up every last bit of energy I have available to me... but with all of that said... I don't know how easy it's going to be for things to work either way if she doesn't even trust me anymore.

tenet_2012 · 11-06-2005, 11:02 PM

Tis better to have loved and lost than to never had loved at all. These words have helped me.

Disfunction · 11-06-2005, 11:07 PM

And I'm sorry for dominating this thread with this kind of... drama.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 11-06-2005, 11:16 PM

It's ok Dis....I plan to completely dominate this thread soon

.

I really do hope you feel better soon

Disfunction · 11-06-2005, 11:19 PM

Thanks for your support; I think I just honestly need that sleep.

edible_eye · 11-06-2005, 11:30 PM

that last post sounds more like what i wanted to hear from you. forgive me, but my level of testosterone often won't accept anything less than someone fighting for what they want in life, regardless of whether or not they believe they can achieve what they desire.

giving up just doesn't sit well with me on any level.

sleep well, bud. and hey - good luck.

tenet_2012 · 11-07-2005, 12:20 AM

I should be studying for a business test in about eight hours, but what am I doing? I am watching Pulp Fiction, drinking cheap wine and surfing the net. Is this a rant? I don't know. It is a whine thou and this is whinning.... so, there is my whine for the day.

unseelie_sidhee · 11-07-2005, 05:48 AM

hey dysfunction. what you write really makes me feel for you and yours, and edible eye is right, but there's something that hasn't been brought up about this [or if it has i haven't recognized]- that yes, you only get some facets of who a person is over the net and phone, but the reason to be careful about saying 'i love you', in this or any situation, is the responsibility you put on yourself by saying it. like, if someone says it and then finds out the other person has a brain-like mole or something that makes them wholly unattractive and therefore they break it off, the person who said it proves themself a liar. i think personal responsibility is key here. you seem to be an uncommonly self-aware person; the thing that might save you is to use it not only to describe your life in blogs but also to describe your perceptions of what's happening to the people who are actually involved, in this case her. i don't know whether or not you have been already, but if you had then i don't think she would have distanced herself from you [saying she wants to break it off], because i've read how you are able to put your emotions into words in such a way that depicts a clear image of what's going on, how you feel about it, and why. not many people can do that. that's why the most common cause of relationship failure is lack of communication or miscommunication. something that i've found useful is, when i'm explaining something important to a person i care about, i try to talk to them the same way as i used to talk to my therapist [who continues to be one of my best friends], or just the way i talk to another friend on whose opinion nothing is hingeing. the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to focus. besides, if you could consciously choose who would be in the vicinity when you are visited by the most profound and beautiful things you've ever said, you'd probably pick her, right?
well, i need to take a nap or something before noon. my sleep schedule is all fucked up. tomorrow my boyfriend and i are going to try to catch the human garbage that robbed our house last wednesday and stole our hdtv. they pulled in the driveway again saturday but pulled right out when they saw our automobile, so we know they're coming back to try to loot more of our life's trappings. bastards. he's so pissed he was talking about cutting off their hands. i don't hope he does that, but i hope they show up and we catch them. ridiculous police can't do crap; they won't get off their lazy asses and try to match the fucking prints before the next 6 fucking years. yeah, that's how long it could take. ok time for cigarette and sleep. i've really got to get a job or something more than 2 days a week; i have too much time on my hands..

Disfunction · 11-07-2005, 01:02 PM

I fought, so long and so hard for what I believe in. I poured every ounce of emotional strength and energy I had left into it. Today's conversation opened awkwardly, with her trying to lighten the mood with a bit of periodic humour, and even myself trying for the same, but things felt so awkward. I'll spare you the dramatic effect of drawing it out, and I'll say that things are "okay" right now. I use quotation marks, because it's more like the wound has stabilized, now it's just a matter of seeing if it is going to heal, or if we're going to have to amputate.

I'm still shaking from the tears that came out today, but it wasn't comparable to last night. The problem is mostly that she's got her doubts about me, because I'm essentially delivering the elements of a message that have all been said to her before, so she finds it hard to trust me. I'm still kind of scared because I've never trusted someone as much as I do her.

I'm still going to be a bit uneasy, because this situation carries the unfortunate trait of feeling much like the end of my past relationship... Hopefully it's very much different, because I don't want for it to end. She's been the best thing to ever happen to me, so far. I mean that not as a cliche, but as something literal; I've never had it in me to trust someone before, much less someone so far away... My jealousy has been soothed, and now, even when she talks about meeting a "cute guy" I'm not even bothered. It's a kind of understanding that I just... love. I don't know. I realize now how stupid it was of me to react to her saying she was in love with me, in the way tha I did. Fear/doubt or not, I probably came across as a major asshole... but she and I are trying. I'd just like the thank everyone for pitching in their two cents, because it really just helped me to get other people's perspectives. Good thing it got resolved, too. I have a paper due tomorrow and another due Wednesday.

Soul_Immortal · 11-08-2005, 01:50 PM

I really hate stupidity. Sure, we all have our moments. Granted that moment happens more than, say....ONCE AN HOUR.

New wave of teeny-bopper newbies and their "LIEK HEY GUYZ SUP IM A THOOPER BADDATH YO! *cutcutcut*" attitude is getting on my nerves.

[/bitchfest]

[/edit]

Soul_Immortal · 11-08-2005, 02:05 PM

X...hold me...*Sniffle*

tenet_2012 · 11-08-2005, 02:20 PM

I had a huge mid-term test today. I studied all night for it. I was ready.

Then, I went to take the damn thing and I completely blanked. I mean I could not remember how to do any of the problems!

After that, I got back to my dorm; I was using the toilet and it all came back to me! I knew how to do everything. I failed a test that I knew how to do. I hate myself right now.

Fuck!

leon s. kennedy · 11-08-2005, 02:23 PM

hey im sorry for being childish earlier... from now on i'll watch my spelling and puncuation. I know how you feel. and its quite nice to talk to people with an acual intelligence exedeing the 9th grade...(sorry for the misspelled words...again)

leon s. kennedy · 11-08-2005, 02:26 PM

hey tenet... dont fratinize on such a silly thing. even though you blanked; it was always there in the back of your thoughts. you were probably dwelling on failing it than the answers themselves.... you'll do better next time im sure.