Rant Thread - Page 98

tenet_2012 · 03-23-2006, 04:41 AM

Is he on drugs?

Demonista_Ravenesque · 03-23-2006, 04:47 AM

No, he's not on drugs. he just constantly gets sad.

Ben Lahnger · 03-23-2006, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TwistedKitsune

WARNING: This whine/rant is about a breakup, if you have no desire to read about my breakup, then don’t. I just intensely need to get this out somewhere, as there will be no hope of sleeping for me until I do.

Suffice it to say that my boyfriend and I of nearly two years broke up just about 20 minutes ago do to a mutual agreement that he and I were just hurting each other by trying to keep our long distance relationship together (while we are both still entirely emotionally attached to one another, the lack of any physical side to this relationship –no I’m not talking about sex- was just tearing us both apart), and go figure, it’s the wee hours of the morning and no one who cares is online for me to tell.

TwistedKitsune ... aw, I care too, hun. This has been building for a while, hasn't it. Tenet's right about long distance relationships. But you've been hanging on to it for a while, because some part of the emotional relationship seemed valid and real and you though you could sustain it.

I know that sinking feeling when you begin to realise that it's not working, that the distance is a gap you can't bridge by phone or e-mail. And I know that this feeling has been building as the uncertainty grew, until the inevitable end happened yesterday.

I am so sorry hun. Especially if you still feel that he's a good match for you emotionally, this is very hard to take. I don't think this is going to feel better tomorrow, but I am hopeful that over time it will get better. In the meantime, you have the love and support of your Gnet family.

And I do know one little thing ... one little marvelous, wonderful thing. You are an amazing woman. You are bright and beautiful, and wise men will see that in the fullness of time. You will attract other attention ... and at some point, when it feels right, one of them will charm you. This I know, because I am so impressed with the voice I hear every time I read your posts.

TwistedKitsune · 03-23-2006, 10:02 AM

Ben thank you so much as well, your message was probably one of the most uplifting things I've ever read upon waking up (I hate that "Ooo, yay, morning guess I should hop online and see if ____ is still asleep or not and...oh...wait...I haven't a reason to do any of that ususal morning routine anymore..." feeling, right where you enter that state of vaguely numb shock over loosing someone, be it relationships ending, or otherwise). Your last paragraph includes some of the nicest things anyone's ever said about me, so again, thank you Ben.

It never ceases to amaze me how absolutely wonderful people here are. Everybody here on Gnet (obviously not including the recent troll invasion, ick...though the flames that resultied were often worth a good chuckle), all these people I barely know, tend to end up helping me and supporting me so much moreso even than friend's I've had for upwards of 6 years. On that note, thank you not only to Tenet and Ben, but to everyone else here as well, thank you for all your kind words and giggles and everything else you've given me since I found you all.

tenet_2012 · 03-23-2006, 06:59 PM

I wish I was back in Texas.

It is so fucking cold up here! I'm kind of depressed today. I hate the fucking cold!

TwistedKitsune · 03-23-2006, 07:08 PM

California weather has been psychotic, today it was over 70 and sunny, tomorrow it will be thunderstorms galore and mid 50's. That and, at least in central CA, we've gotten almost NOTHING BUT RAIN for TWO MONTHS. Don't get me wrong, I love the rain, but most of my family can't -work- in the rain (construction), and people are getting flooded out of their homes, not to mention that in the Sacramento area, our levee systems are in even worse shape than those in New Orleans. So ENOOUGH WITH THE RAIN ALREADY!!!

WolfMoon · 03-23-2006, 10:03 PM

EPS,

I'm sorry I didn't read this thread til I got off of work tonight.

I'm glad you're still with us after all that hell. You can't keep a good MOD down.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, Sweetie. If you need anything I'm just a PM away, love. You are stronger than I could ever be.

*HUGZ-N-SMOOCHEZ*

edible_eye · 03-23-2006, 10:18 PM

sometimes, i want to cry and i can't.

sometimes, i want to lash out and smash everything i see and i can't.

http://www.dynamicforces.com/images/HulkBust.jpg

sometimes, i want to ...

Demonista_Ravenesque · 03-23-2006, 11:21 PM

Edible Eye, sometimes I want to cry but I can't either.

*hugness*

edible_eye · 03-23-2006, 11:39 PM

thanx, little babe. hugs right back at you.

tenet_2012 · 03-24-2006, 12:10 AM

I need advice.

I don't where to start. So, I guess I'll just start at the beginning. I was born in Houston, Texas on Halloween Eve, 1981.

When I was born my mother was 17. My father was almost 30. My mother had been addicted to crack for years prior. My dad never really did drugs. He drank, a lot.

My father worked for the government as a contractor. He was working at Ellington at the time. When he was transfered in 1984, he left my mother and I. He said he would come back. He never did. I had hardly any contact with him until I moved to Denver.

Anyway, when my father left I was two years old. He and my mother never married. My mother continued to smoke crack on a daily basis.

Years passed and I learned how to survive on my own. My mother never did anything for me after I turned 12. My best friend Hillary's family basicly took care of me until they moved out of the city when I was fourteen.

I tried to get a legit job but nobody would hire me because I was too young and I was a ghetto rat. So, I had to resort to other things for money. That lead inevitably to drugs.

This went on until I was eightteen when I graduated high school (let me tell you, that was a miracle).

I moved out of my mom's house and moved to Dallas. I thought that I would be able to find a good job there. I was wrong. All I found was more drugs and more abuse. I stayed in Dallas until I was 20. I decided to get out of that life.

I went to treatment. I got clean. It was at this time that I found out that I was positive. I moved to Denver and started to attend The University of Denver.

When I was 21 my mother called me for the first time since I had moved three years before. She told me that she had gotten off crack and wanted to make amends. I basicly told her to fuck-off.

Now, you must understand my mother abused me physically, mentally, her "boyfriends" abused me, and my mother never showed me an ounce of affection. She neglected me and I don't think she ever wanted me. All of this for and because of crack.

So, flash forward to now. I am dying. My mother has been calling me everyday since I told her of my health situation. She really wants to see me again before I die. She says she wants to be my mother. We have been very civilized. I tell her what is going on in my life and so does she. I don't know if I can forgive her for all this shit.

I don't know what I should do. I need advice.

Let me get one thing clear, I am NOT looking for sympathy. If I was I would have told y'all this much sooner.

I need to know what I should do about my mother.

TwistedKitsune · 03-24-2006, 12:22 AM

I can't offer much good advice other than to do what you feel is right, and to keep in mind that you don't have to forgive her to see her. It even may be a very good opportunity to work some things out. Just know that whatever you decide is the right decision and don't doubt it, because it doesn't matter what she wants, it matters what you want.

*hugs*

Empty_Purple_Stars · 03-24-2006, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tenet_2012

I need advice.

Now, you must understand my mother abused me physically, mentally, her "boyfriends" abused me, and my mother never showed me an ounce of affection. She neglected me and I don't think she ever wanted me. All of this for and because of crack.

So, flash forward to now. I am dying. My mother has been calling me everyday since I told her of my health situation. She really wants to see me again before I die. She says she wants to be my mother. We have been very civilized. I tell her what is going on in my life and so does she. I don't know if I can forgive her for all this shit.

I don't know what I should do. I need advice.

Let me get one thing clear, I am NOT looking for sympathy. If I was I would have told y'all this much sooner.

I need to know what I should do about my mother.

I guess the only thing that really matters is what you, want to do..

This isn't about her.

What feels right for you?

Is there something positive to be gained if you let her back in your life right now?

Will you regret it if you don't?

Are you ready to confront her and or start to forgive her?

All of these questions should be answered by you before you do anything..

Make a list of pros and cons..

See which side is longer.. I've used that technique many times before..

But remember you call the shots here.. No one else. Especially not her.

I'm here for you, no matter what you do..

*pets the fuzzy spot on top of your head*

tenet_2012 · 03-24-2006, 03:08 AM

I know it is my decision. And I'll probably regret doing what I am going to do, but I have a big and forgiving heart. But I will regret it if I don't.

When I was younger she'd have times when she'd swear that she was done with the shit. And for a couple days it would be awesome. We'd sit around the house and talk all day. She could really cool. We'd cook and... just hang-out. I loved those times.

My mom is a 5'3" 120 pound U.S. national. She's firey and has a latina attitude... when she's clean... *sigh*

I miss her...

She wants me to go back to Houston for a couple weeks in May. I'll probably go. But if I see anything that has to do with that devil rock, I'm out of there.

It'll be a chance to see some old friends and possibly some new ones that I have made recently.

Thanks, E_P_S.

edible_eye · 03-24-2006, 06:16 AM

the best advice i guess i can give would be the words my own mother told me some time ago -

-------
there is no right or wrong decision - only a right and wrong way to approach the one you make.

once you make a decision on an action you're gonna take, tenet - MAKE that decision the right one.

there's no room for wondering if maybe you made the wrong decision. there's no room for doubt, once your mind is made up. that'll only serve to dilute whatever benefit you're able to achieve from the decision you've made.

give it your all, or don't do it.
---------

oh, wait - yoda said it much more succinctly, now that i think about it...

"do, or do not. there is no try."

Queenofdarkness57 · 03-24-2006, 01:18 PM

God, I'm so tired. I've been studying since 9 am non-stop. I finished all the Physics/Chemistry/Biology and History material for good. I have become so pale. No to mention, I had a fight with my 1 week boyfriend for not wanting to go out tonight. My life pretty much sucks right now I wish I was able to meditate.

Ben Lahnger · 03-24-2006, 01:24 PM

Tenet, you got it. You've got this nailed. I would have told you to forget her, that you can easily live the rest of your life with no regrets if you refused to see her, because of the way she treated you.

But then you said this:

"When I was younger she'd have times when she'd swear that she was done with the shit. And for a couple days it would be awesome. We'd sit around the house and talk all day. She could really cool. We'd cook and... just hang-out. I loved those times."

That last sentence made all the difference for me, man. Yeah, you should go see her. And if there's one hint that she's screwed up, get out of there. But if there's a chance that you can get some more of that loving connection that you two shared for those all too brief moments, I think you should grab for it. You deserve it. And let the past be the past.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 03-24-2006, 06:32 PM

Oh god, I feel so fucking sick. My body's been rejecting every bit of food I've taken in and I don't know why. It stays in there for a second before I puke it out.

It's nothing to do with an eating disorder, and I know it, my body's just gone weird.

End Rant.

Demonista_Ravenesque · 03-24-2006, 06:53 PM

*hugness to The Dark Hot Angel*

I'm not sure, My body's been rejecting EVERYTHING, even the vitamin supplements I take...tis odd.

bunnicula · 03-24-2006, 08:09 PM

I have a problem. I'm getting addicted to Gothic.net. I have been reading it for 3 hours now! How do I stop? It's getting out of control! You guys suck for being so damn interesting!

bunnicula · 03-24-2006, 08:13 PM

Another thing: I've been debating that racist in the Prussian Blue thread for 2 days now. I can't stop. I was even thinking about it while riding my bike yesterday. I should be at the Sisters of Mercy show right now, but I can't afford it. They are charging 28.50 for tickets, and plus parking and drinks, it would be a $50+ night of going out, which will bite me in the ass later if I do it. Damn student loans.

Empty_Purple_Stars · 03-24-2006, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bunnicula

I should be at the Sisters of Mercy show right now, but I can't afford it.

The only thing MORE depressing than that, is finding out from you just now that the Sisters are playing here TONIGHT in P-town!!!!

Which is way too late to try and get a sitter, and get tickets.

I've been so jacked up lately, I hadn't even been paying attention to the concert lineup for March.

And I have NEVER seen them live.

I'm going to go break stuff now.

/ Implodes

bunnicula · 03-24-2006, 08:50 PM

I have never seen them live either. It sucks. But at least I can go to Deadboy and the Elephantment tomorrow night. That show is only $8! And I love Deadboy. They are from New Orleans, so I have to go and show my support.

WolfMoon · 03-24-2006, 08:53 PM

I was depressed that they didn't play in Houston!

There was no way in hell that I could've gotten a sitter and spent the money for a drive +tickets(+ other expenses) to either Dallas or Austin.

WolfMoon · 03-24-2006, 09:00 PM

Tenet, I think you should see your mom.

As a mother I can certainly sympathize with her obvious need to see you. She's made mistakes, some probably not forgivable, but you should see her. If for no other reason than to let go of some of the anger over how horribly she raised you.

Hopefully if you tell her that she was a bad mother she'll have the same reaction mine did. You're right, I was a terrible mother. I should've done right by you kids.

You don't have to forgive her, but it can be good to say those words to her face. "You were a bad mother."