Friends, Am I doing the right thing?

[Dark_Phoenix]

I really hope I'm posting this in the right place and I'll try to keep this breif and have it make sense:

I have four friends that I used to be very close to, almost close to considering them family. Recently though, as my high school years drew to a close (Friend A is still in high school, graduating this June, Friend B graduated early last year and Friend C dropped out, got her GED and is now in community college) tension has arisen and I haven't a clue as to why.

It all started about a month ago when I decided to stop going by my first name and to have people instead call me by my middle name. I wanted a more mature name and my middle name was perfect. I shared this fact with my friends and they were angry that I was going by my middle name. They said "We don't know Ann, but we know Brittney." and that it made them feel uncomfortable and that I should still go by my first name because it was easier for them. Friend C and I got into an argument later on over the name deal and she started to insult me by calling me childish, naieve, self righteous, and too prideful. I decided not to talk to her for three days to cool off but she increasingly grew angrier that I wanted to cool off and not talk to her which surely would have just been more yelling.

We finally got around to talking and she still insulted me. I told her to stop it but she continued. We finally worked it out and I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong. Two weeks after that Friends B and C and I were talking and Friend C was planning to go on to American Idol next year and wanted us all to be there. While everyone was so quick to promise her they'd be there, I remained honest and told her that I might be there because none of us knows where we'll be a year from now. My major reasons were family, work and school. I said if I could be there I would be, but that **** happens and I don't want to promise something I might not be able to fufill. Suddenly they were enraged and called me unloyal to them and that I should place them above schooling. They said they put me about schooling so I should do the same, but I'd never ask them to do that because that would be asking them to put me above their future.

I did apologize that I shouldn't have said that and should have immediately promised to be there (though I did not feel that way on the inside) to keep the peace. They forgave me and for awhile none of us had been able to truly talk because of school and work. Then yesterday Friend C got online and and was angry with me still even though I had apologized. She began in on calling me childish, etc and I tried to get her to calm down, but she kept bringing up past things that I did that pissed her off that I had apologized for (and they were severely petty and not on the same wave length of things that she had done to me over the 4 years we've known eachother). She said she forgave me and she won't forget what I did but it appears she hasn't forgiven me. Finally after the final time of trying to get her to calm down and talk to me rationally and I asked her if anything else was bothering her, she just signed off saying she was sick of talking to me.

I then decided I wasn't going to do a run around and decided to stop being her friend. Friend A and B are not happy with the choice I made but Friend A seems to able to handle it. Friend B wants me to go back and befriend C because the arguing is hurting him and A. It doesn't count that C makes me unhappy but its how they feel.

Now B is mad at me because I have made my bed and decided to lay in it and not try to salvage a harmful relationship and not truly consider his and A's feelings when its me in the end who is affected by it.

Did I make the right choice by walking away and considering my feelings above those who say they care for me, but want me to stay in a damaging friendship? I have to stay with Friend A and B for 9 days in Japan, so up and leaving them right now is a no go, but after coming back from Japan, what do I do? How do I leave them or at least try to get them to see that "Hey, not everything is about you, and sometimes its not wrong think for and about yourself over your friends!" ?

[Godslayer Jillian]

First of all, you should be a regular in this site if you hope for real advice. Otherwise, we're just strangers, and you're even stranger to us.
Why did you join this specific site to post that, I have no idea so far.
Concerning your problem (yes, it was boring, but I read everything) I didn't see anything they did as, as you say, "damaging".
Maybe you'll enlighten me (hopefull in a more laconic fashion this time) why do you say it's a damaging relationship.
Damaging relationships are never good, and it's good that you should end them, but I don't see why this relationship is damaging.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Just read the first sentence of the last paragraph. Really, nothing else matters.

[maggot]

No, Xng. It's a twit who doesn't realize that people change and seperate.

Anyways, eventually, you might relate to them again. Theres a guy I know who I used to be best friends with. We didn't speak for 2 years. We're pretty good friends again, now.

[Queenofdarkness57]

A whole thread for this!!!:S
Look everyone has fights,especially between friends, the flame is always on.
If your friends are acting so immature at least you try to act wiser than them. You don't need a stranger to tell you if you should remain friends with them. DO it yourself, think... is it worth it that your friendship is destroyed because of such a lame cause, or you simply can't go on with them in your life? Your choice!
Anyhow life goes on.......................

[Crimson_Terror]

Personaly, I think you did the right thing. If friends "A and B" don't like your decision, try telling your side of the story in full detail like you (unfortunatly) did to us.

[angel_dark_demon_bright]

Ive this same kind of situation. Fortunately nobody decided to be a dick about it and got over it. Eventually it worked itself out. People change alot right out of high school, just like they do after that first year of h.s. Even the best friendships turn out not to last, unfortunatly. Talk to your friends and see if this can be resolved. If not, make your own desicion on what to do next. We dont know your situation so think of what would be best in the long run.

[Dark_Phoenix]

I get that people change and seperate, its my friends who don't.
But thanks to those who responded anyways.

[Nocturne]

I guess you''ve probably grown up quicker than your classmates and they now find it hard to deal with the new you. It happens. I don't know your age (they don't have highschools were I live *grins*), but your friends sound as if they might be sixteen to twenty, so I assume you fall into that category. Some people that age are already adults, some are still children, some are in the process of growing up. So someone who is mentally a child might not understand someone who is mentally mature.

Ask yourself, how would you act if the situation were reversed? Why would you act that way? And then sit back and look at your friends from a neutral perspective. You obviously suffer under the present situation, otherwise you would not be offering such personal information to total strangers on the internet. You cannot change your friends. But you do have power to get out of a situation that's hurting you.

[Kinflame]

K. Time for your own Dr. Phil.



KILL YOURSELF! Your inane insecure whining hurts me deeply. To save yourself and all of us more pain, just go find some quiet corner in which to slit your wrists. If your 'friends' cry or even care, then all is well but you're dead. If they don't, then you're fucking dead anyway.

It's a dead-dead situation!

[edible_eye]

who cares?

really.

you're a narcissistic bitch. the whole lot of you make me want to puke.

why not ask your friends to call you 'cunty mc cunt bitch'? it fits better and i kind of like it.

[Dark_Phoenix]

Ok, I probably shouldn't have started my second thread with this, but I didn't intend to get insults of any kind. I didn't come on here asking "Am I goth enough?" or "School sucks" or anything of that nature that many new posters start off with. I came on here respectfully and posted in the proper forum. If you don't like what I write, why respond? Is it something to show the new posters what its like around here?

I'm not hurt, I'm just asking why be so rude to some new posters who are actually trying to be proper members of the board? It's dreadfully impolite and it isn't really called for. I didn't come on here starting off "Ok cunt bags!" or anything of that nature or I didnt end my problem with "If I dun have mai fwends I'll jus dye." I posted my problem, asked if I was doing the right thing, and left it at that.

[Magpie_Tendencies]

Originally Posted by Dark_Phoenix

I posted my problem, asked if I was doing the right thing, and left it at that.

That's true. However we don't know you. We've never spoken to you. You asked advice from people who you've never met before.

This is the equivalent of walking up to some total strangers on the street and pouring out your life story and asking their advice.

See how stupid this seems to us?

[WizardElement5]

I think I've worked it out. Friends A + B - C divided by the square root of the argument and then multiplied by the logic of it,(0) = Friend ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ If you could just check the maths for me

[Dark_Phoenix]

Originally Posted by Magpie_Tendencies

See how stupid this seems to us?

I see your point, but a simple "Maybe you shouldn't ask total strangers on advice." would have sufficed instead of "'cunty mc cunt bitch'" I seriously don't want any problems, I just ask for at least some polite responses from the posters who choose to leave a response on the thread wether it is helpful or not.

[Corpsey]

Okiedo mate, i dont know you but whats happening between you and your friends is what happens to most people who leave highschool. Shit happens mate, but try not to get too upset about it. Also, don't expect people to forgive you straight away, most people will still remember it and grumble about it even if you meet them in a retirement home 60 years from now. Best advice - move on and live. Best bit of general advice any person will tell you.

Originally Posted by Dark_Phonex

Ok, I probably shouldn't have started my second thread with this, but I didn't intend to get insults of any kind. I didn't come on here asking "Am I goth enough?" or "School sucks" or anything of that nature that many new posters start off with. I came on here respectfully and posted in the proper forum. If you don't like what I write, why respond? Is it something to show the new posters what its like around here?

Dont come to a place like here and expect not to get insults. People will be people.

[Magpie_Tendencies]

Originally Posted by WizardElement5

I think I've worked it out. Friends A + B - C divided by the square root of the argument and then multiplied by the logic of it,(0) = Friend ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ If you could just check the maths for me

You fell asleep? I think that means that the maths was right... or the answer was anyway

[bjork_freak]

Originally Posted by Kinflame

K. Time for your own Dr. Phil.



KILL YOURSELF! Your inane insecure whining hurts me deeply. To save yourself and all of us more pain, just go find some quiet corner in which to slit your wrists. If your 'friends' cry or even care, then all is well but you're dead. If they don't, then you're fucking dead anyway.

It's a dead-dead situation!

What an excellent piece of advice.

Look, I know it wasn't the smartest thing for him to start a thread on this, but did you have to go that far?

I don't know, maybe I'm just too kind. But comments like this make me cringe, since I have a few friends who mutilate their arms. Maybe it is due to their hunger for attention, but it's a disease that seems never-ending with them.

[edible_eye]

Originally Posted by Dark_Phoenix

I see your point, but a simple "Maybe you shouldn't ask total strangers on advice." would have sufficed instead of "'cunty mc cunt bitch'"...

so, like, i have these friends who totally know me as brittney and, like, i asked them to call me ann, because, like, i'm totally an adult now and i wanted them to treat me like one, but not as brittney, as ann and, like, they want to go on american idol and that's just so not where i am right now, so, like i told them, i don't know, you know and they, like, totally got mad and i don't know why because, like, it's not all about them and they don't get it, you know, it's all about me and they should see that, but it's not me brittney, it's me ann, you know?
---

you can't understand why you were chastised? figure it out.

the best part is you started this thread out by referring to people you don't know as "friends". were you referring to people on this board as brittney's wanna be friends, or ann's?

[Dark_Phoenix]

I didn't refer to anyone on this message board as friends. Nor did I use "like" that many times, I think it was well written.

and I said I do get why I was chastied, not a great topic to start on this here section of the board, it should be more deep and effect everyone.

I also get that when a new person starts insulting people on this board people are bent out of shape and quickly ban those who might have started off on the right foot but end up being on the short end of the stick, while members get to insult new people and get away scotch free. I don't believe its fair and maybe it'd cut down on trolls if for once a good handful of members were at least decent to newcomers instead of vicious.

I didn't post this topic as "EVERYONE PLZ COME HERE KTHXBAI!" you had the choice to come here, if you didn't like what was said, why bother to even post something? You could have ignored the topic and let it fall to the bottom. Or at least leave something constructive like "Don't post threads like this." instead of writing me off as an airhead.

[Magpie_Tendencies]

Originally Posted by Dark_Phoenix

I didn't refer to anyone on this message board as friends.

Your title was badly phrased and could easily be miunderstood as sounding like you were calling us your friends.

Originally Posted by Dark_Phoenix

...ban those who might have started off on the right foot but end up being on the short end of the stick, while members get to insult new people and get away scotch free. I don't believe its fair and maybe it'd cut down on trolls if for once a good handful of members were at least decent to newcomers instead of vicious.

1. New members are never insulted for no reason.

2. If old members are out of line someone (a moderator or another older member) will say something.

3. There are many of us that are decent and *gasp* even NICE to newcomers.

4. Unless you've said something racist, homophobic, repetitively troll-like, threatening or otherwise seriously offensive and unforgivable, everyone is allowed a second chance.

Originally Posted by Dark_Phoenix

You could have ignored the topic and let it fall to the bottom. Or at least leave something constructive like "Don't post threads like this." instead of writing me off as an airhead.

You ARE an airhead. If you want this topic to drop then leave it. People are going to respond if you resond. Go post somewhere else and let people forget about it. Everytime you post, you're bumping it up to the top again.

[WizardElement5]

Right, following my flippant first post to this thread, a second serious reply.

Hello Dark Phoenix. I think your original first post was far too long and involved. Obviously it was concerned with matters and people that nobody here knows or has an interest in and so resulted in being somewhat boring for practically everyone.

Having said that, I think you've already shown that you understand your original post's failings. Some of the criticism has gone way too far in my opinion, but your responses have been very measured and just. Excellent. I would hope that you will make a valuable member of gnet if you wish to remain.

I think the lesson here is to come on to a new board a little more slowly and build up to things as you get to know other members and they get to know you.

There are a wide range of characters here, some a little aggressive by nature, some more peaceable. Time will allow you to choose the friends that suit your particular nature.

My advice would be to forget this thread now and join in on other topics, so that people can get to learn your style and character. I hope it works out for you.

[Magpie_Tendencies]

Originally Posted by Magpie_Tendencies

There are many of us that are decent and *gasp* even NICE to newcomers.

I'm going to take a moment to say "I told you so" in reference to my quote and Wizard's post directly beneath it.

Then, all sarcasm and annoyance aside, I suggest you listen to The Wiz. He's right.

[edible_eye]

yeah, listen to the wiz and magpie. you'll be better off.

let's just pretend i'm "friend" D, the one who doesn't care whether you're brittney or ann or samantha or gretta or whatever.

[edible_eye]

Originally Posted by Xnguela

Silly e_e. Did you forget?

i did. and i apologize.