Help a lazy person!

MissCheyenne · 03-13-2011, 01:27 PM

So, I'm running the Cancer Research Race For Life in June. It's not THAT far, about 6 miles but I'm a) terribly lazy and b) awfully unfit.

I'm too poor for a gym membership to get me in some sort of decent shape so I'm relying on advice from anyone and everyone that has some sort of clue about this kind of thing. Whether it's advice on healthy eating or advice for actually getting in a reasonable shape to actually run, I'll take it. I mean, I could walk it but I promised my Mum I'd shift my lazy ass and actually RUN for the first time in years.

GIVE ME YOUR TIPS GNET. I really need them.

CuckooTuli · 03-13-2011, 01:37 PM

I'm not a consistent runner or anything of an expert, although I go through phases of really enjoying it - I'm quite a physical person and like a good workout. Warm up REALLY well. I found my muscles weren't as forgiving as they were in my late teens, even though it wasn't that long ago. And build up distances slowly, wearing proper running shoes - I know a few people who've fucked up their knees, some while they were in really good shape. Food-wise, I guess standard healthy eating rules apply.

Versus · 03-13-2011, 02:03 PM

Hrm. I'd ask Desp about it.

I'll add my two cents when I'm not so angry

MissCheyenne · 03-13-2011, 02:05 PM

Cheers Versus. When you're not so pissed, ANY tips would be absolutely appreciated. Anything at all, even if it's just ideas for silly costumes I can wear. Anything.

Murder.Of.Crows · 03-13-2011, 02:10 PM

Cardio is what will either kill you or benefit you. If you smoke, it's going to be harder. So really, you'll need to work on your cardio with any exercises that help that. Eating bananas the night prior and during breakfast will give you the potassium for your muscles to function properly and make sure your really hydrated. Sorry for the shitty post, i'm typing at a weird angel with one hand and taking a break from trying to move two refrigerators around.

MissCheyenne · 03-13-2011, 02:11 PM

I used to smoke. I quit though, even though whenever I see someone smoking, I still totally want to smoke.

Saya · 03-13-2011, 02:15 PM

I don't do fuck all exercise, but I have a lot of friends who were happy with The Couch To 5k thing.

honeythorn · 03-13-2011, 03:00 PM

To be fair I don't do any sort of distance running, and for all that I've been going to the gym for 2 years I couldn't run a mile if I tried. It kills me to do 15 mins on a treadmill.

But for all that, the usual common sense applies. Warm up every time you train, both before AND after.

Stretch your calves, thighs, rotate your ankles, do some lunges.

Don't forget your upper body as well, this is also in motion when you run or even walk. Stretch your arms right up and out to the sides, rotate your torso gently from side to side. Stretch out your neck.

Start by power walking if you're not used to running. Set a route. To the shops and back to start with perhaps. Then a few streets further, and so on, until you have a circuit.

It's about the middle of March now, so do the power walking until the first week of April. Three weekes should be enough to ease you into it.

After that, jog your route. If you need to stop, don't just stop dead. This is really bad for the muscles. If you feel you can't continue jogging, then slow to a quick walk, then a medium pace, until you feel you can speed up again.

There's quite a few women round by me who seem to be training for this, they're often in pairs and have the Tshirts from last year. The sort of jog these ( usually older/middle aged ) ladies tend to do is the "bum shuffle" . It's not a full on jog/run, but more than a power walk.

You keep your heels low-ish, and don't lift too much from the ground, taking small-medium strides ( this is how I would describe it based on observation and attempting it myself on a treadmill)

Try doing that for a month. Then progress to a proper jog or run. I'm not sure what you or Race for life class as a run really. When most people go for a run they usually seem to be jogging as far as I can tell.

Could you compromise with your mother and say you will jog instead of run? If this is the first time you've done such a thing , and are not used to that level of exercise I'm sure she would understand and not want you to injure yourself during the race. You don't have a lot of time to train and I think a full on run would be too much for a beginner .

MissCheyenne · 03-13-2011, 03:15 PM

To be honest Honeythorn, I think Mum will just be happy to see me finish it, even if I am crawling by the end of it! Finish it I will though, even if I really do have to crawl the final mile!

I know I'm not going to be in tip top shape by the time June comes around, I'm not expecting that but I'm just gathering tips on how I can be in the best shape possible in the time I have

honeythorn · 03-13-2011, 03:31 PM

Well, I'm pretty sure in 2 and a half months you could manage a gentle jog with reasonable training

MissCheyenne · 03-13-2011, 03:33 PM

The last time I seriously did any running was when I did cross country! So after 15 years, I'm very very out of practice!

On a slightly less training focused note, I'm considering running it ( or crawling, whichever) dressed as a robot

That said, being kitted out in boxes for that shitty robot look might prove a bit awkward to get around in!

Ben Lahnger · 03-13-2011, 03:54 PM

Hey, MC, that thing Saya posted a link to actually looked pretty good.

The bananas for potassium is a really good pointer too; they also help reduce the risk of cramping.

Underwater Ophelia · 03-13-2011, 04:03 PM

You just have to run.
It really is that simple.

Stretch and all that, get good running shoes, and just run. Jog for 20 minutes a day, regardless of how fast you're going. Just jog for 20 minutes a day. Listening to music makes it easier if you don't like running. 20 minutes is only like 5 songs. So enjoy 5 songs you like while jogging.

Despanan · 03-13-2011, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissCheyenne

So, I'm running the Cancer Research Race For Life in June. It's not THAT far, about 6 miles but I'm a) terribly lazy and b) awfully unfit.

I'm too poor for a gym membership to get me in some sort of decent shape so I'm relying on advice from anyone and everyone that has some sort of clue about this kind of thing. Whether it's advice on healthy eating or advice for actually getting in a reasonable shape to actually run, I'll take it. I mean, I could walk it but I promised my Mum I'd shift my lazy ass and actually RUN for the first time in years.

GIVE ME YOUR TIPS GNET. I really need them.

1) Buy good shoes. You have NO IDEA how important it is to have good foot support.

2) Run as often as possible. I hate mindless excercise, so what I do is pop in the headphones and go for a run along the hudson river, that way I'm being stimulated by running through somewhere where I would take a walk.

3) Try to get to the point where you can keep up a reasonable running pace. Don't worry about speed, what you need to build is endurance.

4) STRETCH BEFORE AND AFTER YOU RUN...seriously, running is high-impact, you WILL hurt yourself if you don't stretch before and after.

MissCheyenne · 03-13-2011, 04:21 PM

Thanks everyone. I'm off shopping for shoes tomorrow and I have a route planned, there's a lake about half a mile walk away from my house so I'm gonna head down to that walking, try to jog round the lake and then walk back. According to google maps, I'll be covering a little short of a mile and a half by doing that. I also walk about half a mile, five days a week by walking to and from school twice a day and walking to the shops and back, I know it doesn't sound much but every bit counts right?

Are there any particular types of stretches I should be looking to do? I really am clueless about this kind of thing!

Versus · 03-13-2011, 04:22 PM

Okay. A challenging run can be separated into four distinct phases. Sometimes they overlap and sometimes they reoccur, but if you pay careful attention to what your body and mind are telling you, they can be easily identified. Once you know where you're at it's possible apply certain Versus approved strategies to be successful.

Phase 1: Preparation

The first phase isn't necessarily the most difficult, but it might be most important for beginners to master. It will literally stop you from running if you don't keep your cool. It begins with the determination to run. When you think about it, it's a very unnatural thought for most adults. I mean, if people were meant to move quicker then a slightly accelerated walk, we would be born with wheels, right? I completely understand why most people grow pale at the thought of it: IT SUCKS. Just don't let it stop you. Buy shoes if you need to, bring a friend if you need to, whatever. Just get up, and do it. This bitch aint gonna fuck herself, you know?

Versus Strategy 1: Pump yourself up

I wake up stupid early in the morning (Another unnatural act. I mean, if people were meant to wake up early, they would be born with alarm clocks.) which is pretty aggravating. One of my favorite things is to sleep in, so the sound of that alarm is like physical pain. I know that because it's blaring, it's time for me to go to work. Insult to injury. After enough time has elapsed, I get so angry that I have no choice but to get dressed and go to work ready to fucking kill something. It will usually pump me up enough to last me through my stretches until I step off.

Phase 2: Fuck my life!

Those first few steps are fucking brutal. It's then that you realize exactly what you've gotten yourself into and every negative thought, every feeling of apprehension and doubt will well to the surface at once, causing you to exclaim "Fuck my life!" It's important to understand that this is normal, and it does not get easier. The only thing you can do is keep running. I mean, c'mon. You just started.

Versus Strategy 2: Remember that girls are watching.

I can't tell you how often I think "Fuck this noise!" when I haven't even been running for a full minute. I swear that the only thing that makes me do it everyday is that I don't want to look like a bitch. There aren't attractive women in the army, so I pretend the dudes in my platoon are hot bitchez that I'm trying to impress. If I run alone, I pretend that I'm running through a field of disembodied tits. That's only when I'm alone, though. It sucks to run with a boner. Anyway. Just remember that it's important to keep your dignity, so you might as well keep going until you can stop and still be proud of yourself.

Phase 3: Where did the air go?

At some point, your body will be so deprived of oxygen that you will literally feel like you're high. It is fucking awesome. It's easier to keep the negative thoughts in check because that pain monkey you have on your back isn't making as much noise. Use this time to day dream, relax, or otherwise tune out.

Versus Strategy 3: Let the good times roll

As soon as I realize that I'm feeling a little light-headed, I will step it up quite a bit by making this the peak in exertion of my run. If I'm going for distance, I will work on my breathing by taking slow and deep breathes, or breathing through my nose. If I'm going for muscle failure, I'll make sure that I hit some hills for elevation. Being so drunk that I think I'm a fighter jet made of biceps helps, too.

Phase 4: Fuuuuuuuuuuck!

At some point, the suck of it all will catch up to you again. This time around, however, your body should be protesting as well as the stuff in your head. Some common complaints are shin splints, a tightness in the chest, as well as pain in different parts of the legs. I guess some women have problems with their boobs hurting when they run. As before, motivation is key. Try to keep your head on your, regardless of how much it hurts. That pain is normal so there's nothing to worry about. You'll know that you've hurt yourself when you literally cannot run anymore. Take small strides if your thighs hurt, take long strikes if your calves hurt. If you have to, yell at your body to man the eff up. Be like "FUCK YOU, CANCER! AMERICA!" Even if you don't live in the U.S. I know that you have a personal stake in this, so I'd suggest to keep your mother in mind.

Versus Strategy 4: Make it matter

I find it's easier to keep going if I have some kind of personal interest in succeeding. A competition is a good example. I won't be nearly as interested uninvolved as I will be if someone shouts "'Versus' says he can smoke all of you to the top of that hill!" I think the important thing to remember is that it's all in your head. Pain is weakness leaving the body, tears are weakness extract, blah blah blah. It's true though. It's not like you're running for your life like the Mogadishu Mile, and it's not like you'll die from doing it a little bit more. You'll be stronger for hanging in there.

In short,

Don't just plan to run - Actually go and do it
Stay motivated
Maximize your time and energy (Be completely spent afterward)
Finish strong

Versus · 03-13-2011, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissCheyenne

Thanks everyone. I'm off shopping for shoes tomorrow and I have a route planned, there's a lake about half a mile walk away from my house so I'm gonna head down to that walking, try to jog round the lake and then walk back. According to google maps, I'll be covering a little short of a mile and a half by doing that.

Are there any particular types of stretches I should be looking to do? I really am clueless about this kind of thing!

Don't cross your arms and legs, though. It's an unnatural range of motion and doesn't stretch all of your quadriceps.

MissCheyenne · 03-13-2011, 04:30 PM

Versus, I was laughing through my tears at your post. Thanks man, I haven't laughed properly since we got the news. I totally have a lady boner for you right now.

Versus · 03-13-2011, 04:32 PM

<3 Spooky black text

MissCheyenne · 03-13-2011, 04:50 PM

How much would you recommend for a petite person Ducky? Don't want too much or too little.

MissCheyenne · 03-13-2011, 05:00 PM

Erm........a little under 10 stone. So not petite weight wise, only height wise.

Still Jack · 03-13-2011, 09:36 PM

Bring a bottle of Tequila for safe measure . Running when you're fucking hammered is piss easy. I ran from Crookes to Norfolk park when I was pissed and didn't feel that shit when I got there.

Pineapple_Juice · 03-13-2011, 09:41 PM

PJ's advice: Google and use the Couch to 5k Program. 'Tis free and helpful.

Ben Lahnger · 03-13-2011, 10:14 PM

Tis already mentioned in Saya's earlier post on page one (with an actual link), and I added support to it further on down the page.

PJ, you really should read the previous responses before chiming in with what looks like a "hey, what, oh I wasn't paying attention but here's what I think" answer.

Yeah, I know. You're too fucking smart for that shit, eh?

Fruitbat · 03-14-2011, 03:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MissCheyenne

So, I'm running the Cancer Research Race For Life in June. It's not THAT far, about 6 miles but I'm a) terribly lazy and b) awfully unfit.

I'm too poor for a gym membership to get me in some sort of decent shape so I'm relying on advice from anyone and everyone that has some sort of clue about this kind of thing. Whether it's advice on healthy eating or advice for actually getting in a reasonable shape to actually run, I'll take it. I mean, I could walk it but I promised my Mum I'd shift my lazy ass and actually RUN for the first time in years.

GIVE ME YOUR TIPS GNET. I really need them.

Exercise everyday (if you can) build up to the distance, then walk the distance and break into a jog until you are puffed, then push yourself to jog further each time, until you can jog the distance.

Stretches - heaps of stretches you can do... look up on youtube, things like hamstrings, quads etc.

Have fun, take an MP3 player with motivating music - beats between 125-155 per minute.

Eat healthy, drink 2L of water + per day. Goodluck