Rant Thread

[Shyantra]

Originally Posted by DarkHeartedDemoness

I'm not ok.

I really don't know what else to say, mostly because I don't understand what's going on. I know I'm hysterical for no reason, I know I can't stop crying, I know I couldn't get myself out of bed for the last 2 days so I missed work. I don't understand why. I cry, hourly, daily, and I don't know why.

I'm not ok.

I have tried every coping mechanism I know. I have tried "self-soothe", which involves soothing all 5 of my senses and relaxing. I have tried going out, hanging out with people, taking my mind off it, keeping busy. I have tried sewing and painting and creating. I have tried exercising, I worked out for 2 hours and couldn't walk the next day in hopes that the endorphins would make feel even slightly better. I even tried letting myself mope, to see if acknowledging it and indulging it would get it out of my system. Nothing works. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just... not ok.

Hopefully your not at work (I am) because I am going to call you in 10.

[DarkHeartedDemoness]

Originally Posted by Mir

DHD: Instead of trying to work it out or fix it/cope with it, have you tried identifying the source of your distress?

I've tried, but there doesn't seem to be an external source. Whatever's wrong doesn't seem to be explainable.

Mrs. Wes: I'm in therapy, but I don't want to go on medication until I've exercised every other option. The way I'm feeling now, I'm not sure if I have a choice. I'm setting up an appointment this week to speak to a doctor about a prescription.

DIR: Thank you, hun. I appreciate any positive vibes I can get.

HP: I've tried Prozac, and I read a study once that said there are only 3 "types" of antidepressants out there. The study also said that if one "type" didn't work for a person, their odds were significantly lower of having either of the other two work. Plus, the side effects include suicidal tendencies and a decreased sex drive, neither of which appeals to me. What helped you make the decision to take the next step and take medication? I keep thinking if I try a little harder with the therapy, if I remember all of my coping tools from the hospital, if I can recognize primary and secondary emotions and treat them accordingly, then maybe I won't need medication. But when is coping not enough, and medication necessary?

[Minyaliel]

*hug for DHD*

I just have to vent. Yes, I know I've ranted about it before. I - HATE - EXAMS!! This year it feels as if I've done nothing but write exams. This might be my fault, because I didn't manage to finish the first semester one on time due to a mental breakdown and had to do it this semester, but still - now it's that time of the year again. I have to hand it in before three o'clock tomorrow. Which practically means I should be finished about one o'clock so that I can send it to my mom on email so that she can print it out for me at work and then I can come and pick it up and hand it in shortly before deadline. I still have to write six pages of BS. I'm starting to despise Artaud and fucking hate Brecht. And since this is my final final exam in this course, I need to finish it. I need it to be readable. I probably will not have much time for proofreading, and at the moment I can't make myself give a damn. I've slept for a total of seven hours the last two nights, and have a huge writer's block. I can't make myself concentrate. I want this to be over NOW. I want to go straight onto next year, to go to my musical theatre course where they don't have exams or judge you and give you some number that's supposed to tell how good or how terrible you are. I want a fucking life, not another assignment!! I'm sick and tired of this. And I will have to cope with it for at least another eight years to become an opera singer; that is, if I can get into those universities I want to go to. But - I'm so... tired... and so unmotivated at the moment, I only feel like crying. My inner critic tells me I won't make it. I want to, though... it's the pride and perfectionism in me that keeps me going at the moment, an inherited stubbornness that runs in my family. But I still can't help but wonder - will I make it in time, or will I have to take the exam again next autumn? The mere thought of having to stay in this city to do that sickens me... but I don't want to be a failure, either, when I've worked so hard to get where I am now; only these stupid exam papers stand in my way before my practical exam, which I know will be much easier than this, and a lot more enjoyable. I'm so tired... *breaks down and starts crying*

[Cyntrox]

Aww, that sucks, Minyaliel, I know exactly where you're coming from! I want to get a musical education too, but I doubt I'll even make it to vidregående next year due to my low grades, and I admire you for making it as far as you have. School sucks.

[MollyMac]

Hey Xng- have you tried Jesus?

OK, seriously, I know you've been dealing with thsi for a while. You've had good days and bad (sadly, more of the latter, I think). Something is not working, bottom line.

You are functional, true, but things could be better. If your doc doesn't know what to do, get another one. I would say "Hey hon, talk it out", but you know better than anyone that this isn't about needing to be heard, you know something is not right in your core.

You know I love and adore ya, and I want what is best. You need better help so you can get on with your life- in a better way.

[HumanePain]

Originally Posted by DarkHeartedDemoness

What helped you make the decision to take the next step and take medication? ...
But when is coping not enough, and medication necessary?

My sister actually helped me: she suffered from it too, and noted the same things I went through and said "why suffer with it, go to the doctor and insist on Lexapro, at least try it" which I did, and in two days I was back to my old (younger) self!

The coping wasn't enough, because I was crying in my cubical hoping no one would notice. I had to do something or my career would be in trouble.

[Minyaliel]

Originally Posted by Cyntrox

Aww, that sucks, Minyaliel, I know exactly where you're coming from! I want to get a musical education too, but I doubt I'll even make it to vidregående next year due to my low grades, and I admire you for making it as far as you have. School sucks.

Thanks a lot, Cyntrox, for your sympathy and kind words, really appreciated it. After a hard night's work I finally only have to do three more pages, which I'll be doing in the morning - my brain refuses to work properly at 4. 30 am

If you want to go to mdd in videregående, don't despair - they've got auditions too, you know. I've been through three years of music studies in vgs here in Trondheim (Katedralskolen), and it is definitely worth it, even though it is hard, and you will definitely get to know both extreme ups and downs. I must admit I had ridiculously good grades in ungdomsskolen, but there were people in my class whom we knew were selected because of the skills they showed during their auditions (we knew this due to their bad marks, the teachers didn't tell, of course). Don't despair, you've got a fair chance if you practise hard and do your best. You've still got some time to impress your teachers When you get to know whether you got into the course or not, please tell how it went! =)

[PersephoneX]

*hugs* I hope everything works out for you...

We've moved the date of my move until after my father's birthday, for a couple of reasons. Mainly because i know he'd never disrespect me by dropping a bombshell like that before my birthday...Hold thumbs. Second of May is it...*shudder*
My resignation is in, and all is in motion...

[mrs.wes straker]

Originally Posted by PersephoneX

*hugs* I hope everything works out for you...

We've moved the date of my move until after my father's birthday, for a couple of reasons. Mainly because i know he'd never disrespect me by dropping a bombshell like that before my birthday...Hold thumbs. Second of May is it...*shudder*
My resignation is in, and all is in motion...

Good luck! So, are you getting married anytime soon? Had to ask....:-P Speaking of work, I have my review coming up next week. I am scared to death. I will be so insulted if I don't get a good raise, because I really care about doing my work right.

[PersephoneX]

You'll get a raise. Just think positively...

As for the marriage thing. We've discussed it, and waiting til I'm 21 seems fair enough to me...Don't you think?

[mrs.wes straker]

Originally Posted by PersephoneX

You'll get a raise. Just think positively...

As for the marriage thing. We've discussed it, and waiting til I'm 21 seems fair enough to me...Don't you think?

Eh, you don't want my views on marriage. I'm 23 and have never been single, so my advice would be extreme. Just to let you know in case you're curious, though, I wouldn't get married till about twenty eight if I could re-plan my life. Kids, after thirty. But, if you're living with someone, truth be told, you might as well get married. Especially if you're at all conservative.

[Cyntrox]

Originally Posted by Minyaliel

If you want to go to mdd in videregående, don't despair - they've got auditions too, you know. I've been through three years of music studies in vgs here in Trondheim (Katedralskolen), and it is definitely worth it, even though it is hard, and you will definitely get to know both extreme ups and downs. I must admit I had ridiculously good grades in ungdomsskolen, but there were people in my class whom we knew were selected because of the skills they showed during their auditions (we knew this due to their bad marks, the teachers didn't tell, of course). Don't despair, you've got a fair chance if you practise hard and do your best. You've still got some time to impress your teachers When you get to know whether you got into the course or not, please tell how it went! =)

Yeah, my audition is this friday. I believe that my piano and keyboard play is quite good, but I feel bad for the people who will have to listen to me singing xD Got any advice for someone who has never sung in his entire life?

[Minyaliel]

You've got to sing? Huh, wow. We could choose whether we wanted to play another instrument/ sing in addition to our main one. Well, my first piece of advice is: relax. Concentrate on your breathing. As long as you breathe deeply, you will be fine. Secondly, choose something to sing (you're allowed to do that, right?) which suits your voice; it should not be too low or too high for you. Sing something _you_ feel is comfortable and fun to sing. Enjoy yourself. These people are not "out to get you", they sincerely want to give as many people a chance to get into the class as possible. Always remember that what they will focus on is not really your singing (I guess that they only want to hear you sing because you've got to have singing lessons in your first year; they'll want to determine your voice type) but how you play your main instrument, and whether you've got enough skills to make it through class, how suited you are for this kind of education and the subject. But, do remember - have fun, breathe, relax. Good luck!

[Cyntrox]

Thanks a lot, I'll try. I don't suppose you know some songs that's easy to sing? I have a dark-ish male voice.

And we have to learn to sing, play the piano and one instrument of our one choice.

[Minyaliel]

Same as we did, then. My suggestion would be something like a Nick Cave song, or something - a folk song, perhaps, if you feel comfortable doing that. There are a lot of very beautiful irish songs that are easy to learn which work with a dark voice. One that I'm personally very fond of is "Raglan Road", which doesn't go too high. There are recordings available on that one by Van Morrison/ Sinead O'Connor/ Luke Kelly. These are the lyrics: http://www.chivalry.com/cantaria/lyr...glan-road.html. Do you know how to read sheet music? If so: http://www.8notes.com/scores/6015.asp?ftype=gif

[Cyntrox]

Thanks! I'll definatly check it out. Hope your exams are working out good too

[Minyaliel]

Happy to help =) I've finished my written exam, and it's now out of my mind (well, the aftereffects like a blasting headache, nausea and other detox effects from the coffeine still linger...). I'm looking forward to starting on my practical exam - that's going to be fun.

[Mir]

I wish they had a drug for a person like me. Something to make me not feel anymore. And no, liqour isn't a drug I want to mess with.

[Vyvian Blackthorne]

Originally Posted by Mir

I wish they had a drug for a person like me. Something to make me not feel anymore. And no, liqour isn't a drug I want to mess with.

gooht... It's called 'death'
Sorry I have to be this way...

[Mir]

I like life too much to even think of that. I want to live forever. I just want something for this pain. Getting over stuff for me takes ages.

[HumanePain]

I just get home, pour a glass of grape juice, open the jar of unsalted peanuts and now I get called from work, and have to log into a site halfway around the world. There goes a relaxing evening. Crap.

[Shyantra]

Poor HP.

Now my rant:
I was working in the ER today and had to empty the garbage in the biohazard bin because it was full. I take the corner and begin to pull it out and tie the top. Well, I failed to realize that there was a hole in the bottom, so I got phlegm all down the front of my pants and nothing to change into. And because it was SO busy today, I received a migrain that wouldn't go away no matter what I took. AND I am loaded down so much homework that is all due tonight. T_T

[PersephoneX]

That is really gross. Homework sucks. I'm glad i'm done studying...

Humane, i know how you feel. Ever noticed how everyone thinks their emergnecy is always more important than the next person's. Or that disasters come in clusters?

[ChiChian]

I can't stand it when people declare their new favorite band is so-and-so when all they've heard are the singles on mainstream radio.

My friend falls under this. I love her, really I do, but she pisses me off every time she does this. The bands she lists on her Myspace/Facebook are far from her actual tastes in reality! Poseur much? Ugh.

Not to mention it drives me insane when she makes a face and does a whole spiel about an artist/celebrity she doesn't like just because I mention this person's name and hold some sort of interest in them. It's rude for Christ's sakes.

At least when someone mentions a musical artist or band I don't like, I'm polite and smile, simply telling them that I'm not really interested in Fall Out Boy or Panic! At The Disco. At anything, the most I do is smirk when the person isn't looking.

Said friend has been driving me nuts lately to be honest. Each time she talks to me she always has to mention how she wants to swoon under the stars with whatever new boy interest she has lately.

Ugh.

[mrs.wes straker]

Maybe you don't really like said friend.