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| General General questions and meet 'n greet and welcome! |
08-08-2009, 06:00 PM
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#126
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Dirty South
Posts: 1,726
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A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. After finishing it, he asks the bartender for the bill, and the bartender replies: "For you, no charge"
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Kill your idol. Come on, jump into the void!
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08-09-2009, 05:20 AM
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#127
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 16
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what do ya call a blue berry with a butt?
blue ass berry
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what goes around comes around
oviously if it didnt this wourld would
be confusing it would be like saying
hi to ya friend and they just stayed silent
FOREVERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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08-09-2009, 05:28 AM
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#128
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Posts: 1,044
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What do you get if you cross a Goth and a toilet?
The cisterns of mercy.
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08-31-2009, 05:43 PM
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#129
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Bliss
Posts: 4,374
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What two parades have fairies?
Gay and Pagan Pride
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I Like Cheese!
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09-01-2009, 04:26 AM
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#130
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Thou Viking capital Denmark.
Posts: 1,971
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Elitist Gothic Organization..... xD !
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09-01-2009, 04:33 AM
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#131
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Dirty South
Posts: 1,726
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Did you hear about that new pirate movie?
It's rated AAARRRRRRRR!
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Kill your idol. Come on, jump into the void!
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09-02-2009, 06:41 AM
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#132
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Florida
Posts: 646
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Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool.
Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him.
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?'
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09-02-2009, 08:18 AM
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#133
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 101
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What's green and melts in your mouth?
A leper's cock.
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09-02-2009, 09:29 AM
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#134
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Florida
Posts: 646
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Gah, Starke! That one's disgusting : )
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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09-03-2009, 10:18 AM
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#135
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Most Goth Place In Texas...
Posts: 297
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that one makes me happy
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09-11-2009, 12:36 AM
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#136
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Hell Hall
Posts: 1,167
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A guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
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09-11-2009, 12:42 AM
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#137
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Hell Hall
Posts: 1,167
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What's black, stinky and ugly?
Any ******s you have the misfortune to stumble on.
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09-11-2009, 12:43 AM
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#138
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Hell Hall
Posts: 1,167
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Why do ******s relate so well to monkeys?
Blood is thicker than water..
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09-26-2009, 12:22 AM
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#139
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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Why don't blind people go sky diving?
It scares the crap out of the dog!
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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09-26-2009, 12:23 AM
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#140
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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How can you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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09-27-2009, 05:30 PM
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#141
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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09-27-2009, 05:31 PM
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#142
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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09-30-2009, 01:35 AM
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#143
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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09-30-2009, 03:38 AM
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#144
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Raxacoricofallapatorius
Posts: 1,750
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What do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gherkin?
A Big Mac.
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Because before too long there'll be nothing left alive, not a creature on the land or sea, a bird in the sky. They'll be shot, harpooned, eaten, and hunted too much, vivisected by the clever men who prove that there's no such things as a fair world with live and let live. The Royal family go hunting, what an example to give to the people they lead and that don't include me, I've seen enough pain and torture of those who can't speak...
- Tough Shit, Mickey by Conflict
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10-01-2009, 11:47 AM
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#145
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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10-15-2009, 11:19 AM
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#146
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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10-19-2009, 06:43 PM
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#147
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,274
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Okay, this is lame. So what else is new.
'Death rocker walks into a club with his pet alligator on a leash, bellies up to the bar and gently puts the alligator up on the bar. He then asks the barkeep, "Ya' serve Emos here?" Barkeep replies, "This is a bar, dude. We serve EVERYBODY here." Death rocker replies, "Good. Then serve me a brew and serve him an Emo."
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05-11-2010, 08:03 PM
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#148
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Um, lower, oh yeah, uh, uh ... YES THERE!
Posts: 6,738
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I'm resurrecting this thread because these days we can use all the humor we can find.
Gizmodo sponsored a Photoshop contest to create the best excuses for the Gulf Coast Oil Disaster. Here are my favorite three:
#3 - "Go Charizard! Use Blast Burn!"
#2 - "Ohhhhhhhhh no! They say he's got to go ..."
#1 - "Maybe they should have replaced the floor mats."
__________________
Lead me not into temptation ... follow me, I know a shortcut!
As the poets have mournfully sung,
death takes the innocent young,
the rolling in money,
the screamingly funny,
and those who are very well hung.
Your days are numbered - 26,280 per person on average - 2,000,000,000 heartbeats ... tick, tick, tick
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05-13-2010, 08:01 AM
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#149
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 130
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The last man on earth walks into a bar. He pours himself a glass of whiskey and says to it: "Drink, I'd like another bartender."
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01-17-2011, 11:57 AM
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#150
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Netherlands
Posts: 4,036
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A man and his wife were creating a new email account. The man made his password 'myd*ck' and his wife was laughing hard because it said "Error. Not long enough"
__________________
"I've an idea. Why don't we play a little game. Let's pretend that we're human beings, and that we're actually alive. Just for a while. What do you say? Let's pretend we're human. Oh, brother, it's such a long time since I was with anyone who got enthusiastic about anything."
― Jack Osborne
add me on
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